LOST - Season 6

[jules]

after season 3, just watch the last 3 minutes of every episode for the rest of the way. either that or only the recap specials.

[Guest Benedict Cumberbatch]

watch it all but watch 10 episodes a day. that way the boring episodes/seasons are forgotten very quickly.

 

mostly the problem with lost is watching it once a week. and the clumsy writing

[thief]

i will admit that this:

 

http://darkufo.blogspot.com/2010/05/things-i-noticed-across-sea-by-vozzek69.html#more

 

has made me think the episode was slightly better than i originally thought

 

and then a friend (who doesn't like the show) links me this:

 

 

"Fasten your seat belts and jump on the magic water slide. Lindelof and Cuse are going full retard.

 

 

 

Let's recap!

 

 

A pregnant woman named Claudia washes up on the beach. She's met by a woman who I'm going to call Mother because I have no idea what else to call her. Both women inexplicably speak two languages. One of those languages is modern day English. If you have a problem with this little nugget, wait until you hear what else happens.

 

Claudia asks how Mother ended up on the island. Mother says by accident. Claudia starts to ask how long Mother has been on the island but Mother cuts her off and says, "Every question I answer will lead to another question. You should rest. Just be grateful you're alive."

 

There you go audience. Mother is talking to you. You can't ask questions about what's going on because it just leads to more questions and how the hell do you expect Lindelof and Cuse to answer questions to a story they’ve written. You should rest. Just be grateful you’re alive.

 

Over-the-top music plays while Claudia gives birth to two boys who look nothing like each other or their mother.

 

Mother kills Claudia with a rock because she doesn’t have a gun or dynamite.

 

 

Flash forward 13 years. Some parents dress their kids in fancy designer clothes. Mother dresses one boy in black and the other in white. Kid in Black (KIB) finds a game on the beach and doesn't want Jacob to tell Mother. He knows how to play the game because he just knows. Don’t ask questions. They will only lead to more questions. You should rest. Just be grateful you’re alive. Oh, look a Chuck E. Cheese!

 

 

The boys are out hunting a boar and run into some men. Mother obviously didn't have a problem with letting the boys run around the island and not telling them about men who she thinks would hurt them. Someone call Child Protective Services.

 

Mother says the men don't belong there and that she and the boys are on the island for a reason. KIB, who obviously doesn't know how the show works, foolishly asks why they are there. Mother replies, "It's not time yet”. I hate you Lost. I really hate you.

 

 

Mother tells the boys the men are dangerous and they would hurt them because that's what people do. KIB asks if that means that they can hurt each other. Mother gets very serious and says, "I've made it so you can never hurt each other." Great! There's the answer to the "rules". Mother is magic. Don’t ask any questions. It only leads to more questions. You should rest. Just be grateful you're alive. Have a snack. Drink a beer. Drink 10 beers. You’ll like the show better.

 

 

Mother shows the boys the reason they are on the island. It's a cave with a stream and glowing yellow light that looks like something you would see in a cheesy 80’s movie. KIB says it's beautiful. Mother says, "Yes it is and that's why they want it. A little bit of this very same light is in every man but they always want more.” Brilliant dialogue. And by brilliant I mean horrible. And by dialogue I mean horrible.

 

Jacob asks if people can take “it”. Mother says, "No, but they will try. And if they tried they could put it out and if the light goes out here. It goes out everywhere.” More brilliant dialogue. And by more brilliant dialogue I mean this whole magic cave idea is embarrassing.

 

Mother tells the boys that one of them will protect the magic light water cave.

 

 

Claudia, the boys biological Mother, appears to KIB. Don't ask how she appears as a ghost. Questions are bad. There are no rules for this stuff. KIB asks why Jacob can't see her. She says, "Because I'm dead." There! Happy now? That’s technically an answer. If you want more that’s your problem you impatient hater.

 

Claudia shows KIB a little village, tells him that she's his Mother, and says there is plenty of stuff across the sea. Despite being raised like veal and having no contact with other people, KIB believes Ghost Mom and decides everything Mother told him is a lie. KIB grabs Jacob to go live with the other people. Mother tries to stop him, well not really, but she tells him he'll never be able to leave the island.

 

 

Mother tells Jacob she killed his real Mother but Jacob decides to stay with her. Jacob is very forgiving… but even he wouldn’t forgive Lindelof and Cuse for this train wreck.

 

 

Flash forward 30 years. KIB is now the MIB. Mother doesn't look like she's aged a day thanks to her Pilates regimen. MIB and Jacob still wear black and white shirts for some reason. They found a style that works for them and they’re sticking with it. Jay Leno wears denim, they wear black and white.

 

Jacob and MIB have a chat. MIB says he's found a way off of the island. If you like a big glass of BS with BS sandwich and a side of BS, you're going to love this. You see, MIB and some really smart dudes find magnetic spots on the island and dig. Mother hears about MIB's plan and goes to see him. MIB tells her he's been looking for the magic light water cave for 30 years but somehow couldn't find it. MIB shows Mother that the hole they've dug somehow leads to the light. Oh, and he's also made a wheel. He's going to attach it to a system he and the other guys are building. The system channels water and light. When he turns the wheel, he's going to be able to leave. Mother, who should know better, asks how MIB knows all this crap. MIB says, "I'm special." What? You have questions? What did I tell you about questions? You look tired. Have a sandwich. Take a nap. You’re alive aren’t you?

 

 

Mother can't let MIB leave the island for some reason that will never be explained and so she conks his head on the wall and instantly knocks him out.

 

Mother takes Jacob to the magic light water cave that no one can find despite it glowing intensely at night. She tells him he's taking over as island protector. She pours a glass of wine, says some magic chant mumbo jumbo, and tells Jacob to drink. Abracadabra! Jacob is the island protector!

 

MIB wakes up and he's somehow out of the hole now. The hole is somehow covered up. The village is somehow burned. The villagers are somehow dead. I am somehow still watching this crap.

 

MIB kills Mother with a dagger because he doesn't have a gun or dynamite. Before Mother dies she has time to thank MIB for killing her. That Mother may be crazy but she sure is polite.

 

Jacob sees that MIB killed Mother and smacks him around which pushes the boundary of those crazy undefined rules but doesn’t break them. Jacob drags MIB unwillingly through the jungle… I mean, the MIB puts up no fight whatsoever as Jacob leads him through the jungle. They go to the magic light water cave. MIB takes a ride into the cave and down and magic water slide. The next thing you know black smoke flies out of the cave! RED ALERT! We've gone full retard! Lindelof and Cuse have done it! Jump the shark = Ride the magic waterslide. There's your answer for how the Smoke Monster came to be. MIB was pushed into a magic light water cave. I bet you didn't see that one coming. It’s all magic! The joke’s on you suckers!

 

 

Jacob then finds MIB's body which was somehow spit out of the magic light water cave. He gathers up the black and white stones, Mother's body, MIB's body, and puts them in cave. You see, they are Adam and Eve! That’s a bona fide answer! And you thought Lindelof and Cuse didn't have this part planned out all along. They obviously did... despite laying the two skeletons together like husband and wife holding hands... despite referring to them as Adam and Eve... despite having Jack say in "House of the Rising Sun" that the bodies must have been dead 40-50 years based on the deterioration of their clothing. Forget all that. Bam! Answer! Stupid unplanned answer!

 

 

Congratulations to Lindelof and Cuse!! They've officially done it. No need to wait for the final episode to declare Lost an epic failure. There's no way to change any of the ridiculous crap that we've seen. Nothing in the remaining episodes can justify the nonsensical writing and preposterous plot lines. It's been painfully obvious for a long time that Lindelof and Cuse were lying when they said they had a plan. They threw too much weird mysterious crap into the show and then couldn’t make sense of it. All they have is vague unexplainable “magic”. Their idea that answering one question raises another is ludicrous. How is it that other TV Shows manage to satisfactorily answer questions they raise? I guess their show runners aren’t hacks."

[GORDO]

where's that from, i wanna link that to people too.

[jules]

everything will be explained by science... :trashbear:

[Guest Mirezzi]

everything will be explained by science... :trashbear:

I think that has certainly played out.

 

FACT: People are stupid enough to keep tuning in.

[azatoth]

of all the things to complain about the latest episode it's really stupid to complain about them speaking english. it's clear they spoke latin or whatever it was and it was just changed to english because americans are big babies who can't read subtitles. this has been done in countless other movies.

[kcinsu]

Yeah, the language switch is so people don't get bored reading subtitles.

[GORDO]

I agree it is a stupid complaint, but why do the switch anyway? why can't they just start talking in english? it's things like this that tunes you out.

[taphead]

because they had to show that island magic taught the latin woman english when she drank the cup, because this show is about television. see also: young mib was asking questions and so to shut him up, the kids were given something bright and shiny to look at.

[GORDO]

no, you can't put that into the "makes good tv" box because it doesn't. it's just being sloppy and lazy.

[Bubba69]

watch it all but watch 10 episodes a day. that way the boring episodes/seasons are forgotten very quickly.

 

mostly the problem with lost is watching it once a week. and the clumsy writing

 

That's what I had to do with twin peaks halfway into the second season. I almost gave up on it, but heard the end of it was supposed to be worth it.

[taphead]

no, you can't put that into the "makes good tv" box because it doesn't. it's just being sloppy and lazy.

 

but its shit like this that has made the show entertaining for me the past few seasons. I would never call Lost "good tv" like something like Breaking Bad or Treme, but I do find it very entertaining.

[GORDO]

haha ok, for me it's a love/hate thing.

[Bob Dylan]

holy shit next episode has been spoiled (by the ones who went to see the Michael Giachinno concert). Don't read too much on the web bitches.

[Hoodie]

of all the things to complain about the latest episode it's really stupid to complain about them speaking english. it's clear they spoke latin or whatever it was and it was just changed to english because americans are big babies who can't read subtitles. this has been done in countless other movies.

 

ugh, bullshit. in the richard backstory episode, they had subtitles for almost the entire episode because they were only speaking spanish. it would've been more plausible for them to switch to english in that episode, rather than having a roman start belting out immaculate modern english.

[Guest ataraxy2]

Good lord. As terrible as that episode was that list of complaints chooses to exaggerate in an attempt to make it seem worse than it is, which is pointless because it's already awful. I guess the light is electromagnetic energy as seen in Season 2, so that's nothing new. But that + throwing someone in a cave with water = a smoke monster?

[GORDO]

in fact the minute they decided the monster was gonna be a smoke monster they were doomed. a giant robotic mapinguari would've been a better choice.

[karmakramer]

man this show went downhill faster than anything I can remember. I don't think I care about a single character

[GORDO]

they killed pretty much every character around season 3. but still the show had some interesting things going on. the only thing this season had going for it was the expectation on "what the fuck are they going to come up with to wrap the thing up".

[kaini]

I remember when X-Files producers decided to name a character after one of their biggest online internet enthusiasts. That was the death knell for television.

 

rereading thread... this is super-duper on point.

as soon as IRL and TV land crash into each other whilst travelling at equal velocities... : :whistling: =>

[Guest chunky]

next ep is pretty good imo

been waiting ages for these thigns to happen

[thief]

where's that from, i wanna link that to people too.

 

http://forum.thefuselage.com/showpost.php?p=2343744&postcount=37

[azatoth]

of all the things to complain about the latest episode it's really stupid to complain about them speaking english. it's clear they spoke latin or whatever it was and it was just changed to english because americans are big babies who can't read subtitles. this has been done in countless other movies.

 

ugh, bullshit. in the richard backstory episode, they had subtitles for almost the entire episode because they were only speaking spanish. it would've been more plausible for them to switch to english in that episode, rather than having a roman start belting out immaculate modern english.

 

it's possible they kept it in spanish since the actors know how to speak it, unlike latin, which probably was horribly butchered. did you throw a hissy fit when they did it in the hunt for the red october when the russian sub captain starts to speak english in a scottish accent? deal with it.

[Guest Enter a new display name]

of all the things to complain about the latest episode it's really stupid to complain about them speaking english. it's clear they spoke latin or whatever it was and it was just changed to english because americans are big babies who can't read subtitles. this has been done in countless other movies.

All your posts are basically complaints and you blame people you never really saw complaining?