depression

[gmanyo]

Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

Not sure, pretty sure the worst is over though, so it's uphill from here. I'll probably be perfectly dandy in a couple weeks; such is the nature of bipolar disorder. I have a support system to get me through the worst parts.

[Guest A/D]

Bipolar is rough man. You have my sympathies. It's set in with a friend of mine and his last manic episode was pretty bad. He did some stuff he regrets, and I am having trouble seeing him the same, even though I know it was the illness talking. I wish you ask the luck and bravery in the world.

 

I still get down a bit but I am one of the lucky ones who responded well to my first med. Five months in and it's such a difference. I'm sorry I didn't try it earlier but I also just couldn't accept it until I'd tried everything else.

 

Westhead I am glad you posted about meditation, it's a huge benefit to me and I recommend it often. However it can't fix everything. I.e. if you're like me and meditation doesn't make your bad feelings go away, don't blame yourself or think that you're broken. Just try something else in conjunction.

 

Much love to all y'all. Feel better soon.

[gmanyo]

Yeah bipolar disorder can get real bad, although mine is far from the worst (I only ever get hypo-manic, with the exception of the one time I was given an SNRI). I'm glad meds work well for you so well, mine are usually decent but still not enough apparently. It was almost 3 years between my first hospitalization and this one, though, so I was (relatively) stable for quite some time.

[Guest HokusPoker]

 

 

......I've always thought my work ethic was for myself, just a sense of "righteousness," something to be proud of, but you're right. It's not doing me any good at all. What is it all for? I don't know. I dream of quitting every day, but I honestly don't know what I'd do next. I have had no luck even being called in for interviews. I've applied for countless jobs and revised my resume many times, but to no avail. Quitting without a plan B isn't appealing at all.

 

I do want to tell her how I feel, but I am so afraid of the outcome. I wouldn't be telling her with the hopes of starting a romantic relationship. I think I'd do her a disservice. She's much more experienced in life than I am and has done a whole lot for her age. I know she's out of my league there. Other than for catharsis, I don't know why I'd risk losing the pleasant relationship we have right now just to make myself feel better, and I'm not even sure it would make me feel better. She'd say, "That's very sweet but we're just friends." And then I'd continue to love her as we grow apart. We currently talk on the phone for hours. That would come to an end. We'd speak much less, she'd be apprehensive to confide in me, and then she'd eventually stop talking to me entirely. That has been my experience with everyone I've cared about in my life. I just don't want to go through it again :(

I'm not sure if it's this thread's fault but boy, my mood has collapsed in the last hour. Thanks, Obama!

...And I'm terribly sorry about this. I just needed to say something about how I'm feeling because I have no one to turn to.....

 

 

Just for the record: it was NOT your posts' fault. If anything in this thread, it was Duncan Trussel's video about his mother's cancer and even that wouldn't have hit me if nothing had been looming in my head, so please don't feel guilty in any way, ok?

 

I'd definitely reexamine the way you see value in yourself. Work on that. It's insane how a more or less hidden belief system can influence your feelings and actions.

The other day my grandmother whom I hadn't seen in a few months greeted me very heartily and friendly EVEN THOUGH I knew she didn't like my new hairstyle (my hair's much longer than it used to be). What a contradiction! Of course I know it's nonsense to think like that but that doesn't change how I initially felt, how I was surprised. Apparently I still think that even my closest relatives adjust their opinion of me depending on whether or not they like my hair or clothing style. I'm not 100% sure where that's coming from but I know that I need to get rid of that, and I think so might you need to get rid of the idea that you are your work ethic before you can solve your work problems. Until then, attacking that work problem may just feel like you're failing or attacking yourself while it's actually more something like self-defense.

[MadameChaos]

 

Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

Not sure, pretty sure the worst is over though, so it's uphill from here. I'll probably be perfectly dandy in a couple weeks; such is the nature of bipolar disorder. I have a support system to get me through the worst parts.

 

downhill you mean. i just looked up the term "ideation" as i think i misunderstood you initially. i think being aware of the signs early can help.

[gmanyo]

 

 

Oh well stick at it, I'm still concerned that you were self harming though. Why do you think it came to that?

Not sure, pretty sure the worst is over though, so it's uphill from here. I'll probably be perfectly dandy in a couple weeks; such is the nature of bipolar disorder. I have a support system to get me through the worst parts.

 

downhill you mean. i just looked up the term "ideation" as i think i misunderstood you initially. i think being aware of the signs early can help.

 

True, I'm not out of this yet (and I'm honestly not sure why I brought it up on this forum in such detail) but things have generally been better since two weeks ago, which is why I said that I think the worst is over. I'm seeing a counselor today who knows the whole situation, so that will be good.

[Candiru]

Is it a depressing fact that sex and money are great cures for depression?

[flim]

Is it a depressing fact that sex and money are great cures for depression?

 

If you can get it......

[Ivan Ooze]

*whoops*

Edited December 29, 2014 by Ivan Ooze

[Guest A/D]

Is it a depressing fact that sex and money are great cures for depression?

I know you're not being serious, but a momentary respite is far from a cure, and they can also do nothing or exacerbate depression. I think a lot of people confuse momentary sadness for depression, or situational depression for clinical depression. Clinical depression is the one where your environment can have nothing to do with your emotions. I finally went for help when I was in one of the best times of my life and I was still getting awful episodes once a month. I was doing fine on money and sex, for example. Anyway, carry on.

[gmanyo]

 

Is it a depressing fact that sex and money are great cures for depression?

I know you're not being serious, but a momentary respite is far from a cure, and they can also do nothing or exacerbate depression. I think a lot of people confuse momentary sadness for depression, or situational depression for clinical depression. Clinical depression is the one where your environment can have nothing to do with your emotions. I finally went for help when I was in one of the best times of my life and I was still getting awful episodes once a month. I was doing fine on money and sex, for example. Anyway, carry on.

 

I think that situational stuff can play into clinical depression; at least, the two cannot be completely separated. Things can trigger manic episodes in bipolar patients.

[Guest boo]

If you can maintain a decent standard of living whilst being clinically depressed, then that is pretty impressive. It tends to lead to other problems and lack of motivation that result a shitty situation and more severe depression. Then money and sex can be a temporary fix.

Edited December 29, 2014 by tauboo

[Guest skibby]

I ignore all holidays. I try to stay sort of depressed all the time so it doesnt spike and plummet. I also learned how to stop thinking and i practice it for a year and a half now. I know that the place i live sucks and is lame, and strangers are absolute pricks and i cant trust them further than i can throw them. So why let these predictable and stable drawbacks take me by surprise? Also brain chemistry excuses and diagnostic crutches throw those in and spice to taste.

[delet...]

If you can maintain a decent standard of living whilst being clinically depressed, then that is pretty impressive. It tends to lead to other problems and lack of motivation that result a shitty situation and more severe depression. Then money and sex can be a temporary fix.

 

 

yeah, they should prescribe money to the clinically depressed. /goes out to get diagnosed. i'm quite unmotivated, perhaps money is the fuel that i need so quantitatively ease me some government, stop giving it to the super positive cocaine chewers that run the banks banks so they can gamble on trillions in derivatives all day and instead make it rain sunshine on us depressives we'll actually spend it on stuff in the real economy like houses with showers with decent water pressure, and that have insulation against the heat of the day, and lobby groups against low flush toilets.

[Guest A/D]

I think that situational stuff can play into clinical depression; at least, the two cannot be completely separated. Things can trigger manic episodes in bipolar patients.

Definitely. And clinical depression/mania etch pathways in your mind that can make each situation seem bad even if you're not in the middle of an episode. Nasty mess, really. I feel like we're so far behind in mental health as a species.

[Guest fiznuthian]

Anyone tried gabapentin (or pregabalin i guess too) for depression and anxiety?

[Guest skibby]

 

 

If you can maintain a decent standard of living whilst being clinically depressed, then that is pretty impressive. It tends to lead to other problems and lack of motivation that result a shitty situation and more severe depression. Then money and sex can be a temporary fix.

 

yeah, they should prescribe money to the clinically depressed. /goes out to get diagnosed. i'm quite unmotivated, perhaps money is the fuel that i need so quantitatively ease me some government, stop giving it to the super positive cocaine chewers that run the banks banks so they can gamble on trillions in derivatives all day and instead make it rain sunshine on us depressives we'll actually spend it on stuff in the real economy like houses with showers with decent water pressure, and that have insulation against the heat of the day, and lobby groups against low flush toilets.

Yes money medicine. 99% of the time being broke makes me depressed quicker than everything.

[usagi]

the doctor has spoken.

[Guest fiznuthian]

 

Anyone tried gabapentin (or pregabalin i guess too) for depression and anxiety?

Neurotin was the touchstone off-labeling case that brought a shitstorm down on Pfizer. Basically, drugs get prescribed all the time for things they are not FDA approved for and it's normally not a big deal. 81 mg. of Aspirin a day to prevent heart attack is a good example. However, Pfizer just went off the rails and was like "oh yeah, bipolar disorder, psychosis, epilepsy, postherpetic neuralgia, diabetic neuropathy, anxiety, depression, cancer, do it, take it!" j/k on the cancer but you get the idea. That said, it might help suss out what could be genuine neuropathy or somatoform manifestations of extreme states of anxiety and depression. It has a relatively safe profile so you wouldn't have much to lose. Pregabalin is essentially the same mechanism of action. Neurontin will probably be cheaper. I am not a doctor.

 

 

The reason I bring it up is because i've been taking small doses (600 mg per day) off and on for a while since my neurologist wrote a script for some. I'm starting to suspect there's an actual reason this drug has been prescribed off label for anxiety and mood problems. In a nutshell it seems to just chill you the fuck out. Not in a tranquilzied benzo way, but really subtle (granted i'm not taking much daily compared to a lot of people). It makes me talkative and reduces my anxiety of all types fairly well. At 600 mg it also seems to affect my mood too.

 

I don't know what exactly it's doing, and after taking it for a while I started to do some reading. There's multiple theories about it's mechanism of action revolving around voltage-dependant calcium channels, being a GABA analogue, and modulation of monoamine neurotransmitters (I can only assume the catecholamines too). Not only that, there's reason to believe it also be a neuroprotective substance. Anecdotal reports of it's use as an anti-depressive and especially anxiolytic mirror a lot of what i've experienced taking it. I was able to dig up a few interesting case studies. I get it: i'm not a doctor.. but I am capable of reading about things and there could be a reason patients are taking quite well generally to their off-label prescriptions for this drug.

 

Just something to consider I guess. As a person who is extremely wary of SSRIs especially (I'll kill myself before taking these again) gabapentin might be rather helpful. 600 mg daily does something to my nerves.. I can feel the pain and parasthesias attenuate very slightly into a tingling and dull ache or something. Apparently this is a really small dose for neuropathic pain so i'd hope my doctors will up it just a bit to see what happens. My back and legs especially are acting really weird.

 

I don't know if my anxiety is much of a problem anymore anyway as i've kind of started to get over the idea that i'll probably struggle with a bunch of shit for a while then die. I swing widely in an out of depressive episodes... my acne continues to scar my skin all over my body and it just absolutely fucks my head up. I can't stand seeing myself. I'm as lonely as i've ever been in my life and feel completely hopeless. Still living at home, earning just above minimum wage, can't forsee making it through any classes anyway, my body won't stop fucking with me now.. I'm not even sure if this is depression anymore as much as it is just giving up and becoming content with a worthless life. I feel like i'm playing a waiting game until my parents fuck off so I don't have to bother them while i put myself to sleep.

[gmanyo]

Anyone tried gabapentin (or pregabalin i guess too) for depression and anxiety?

My brain tells me I've taken gabapentin but I can't remember when or why. I don't have any recollection of actually taking it. Maybe I had a friend who took it?

Edited December 31, 2014 by gmanyo

[Guest fiznuthian]

yeah i dunno.. i guess my post above doesn't sell it much. HEY TRY THIS, I STILL FEEL IKE SHIT

the research is interesting anyway

[Guest fiznuthian]

The left side of my head feels so weird. Strange pressure near my ear. For a couple months now since the paresthesias started my hair especially on the left always feels like it's moving. As if wind from a fan is blowing it. I look at it in the mirror and nothing's moving at all. My whole body similarly feels like it's being feathered. The occasional bursts of tingling all over happen everyday. My head bothers me more than the nerve pains and body sensations though. I keep wondering what's going on in my brain cavity. It's been some 4 or more since I had a brain CT. I want an MRI instead but the doctors keep making excuses not to order one. Made the mistake of being open about my cannabis use and how it relieves the tension in my muscles.. It helps my back discomfort the most. Now all my doctors keep asking me if I'm still smoking and doing fuck all to help. I haven't been back because I don't trust them anymore. I need to find a doctor who keeps up rapidly with medical science. It seems petty but I can't trust a doctor who is willing to treat an infrequent cannabis user like a drug addled junkie. How could they possibly help anyway if they're so short sighted. Their suggestions were to take paxil, then when that went shit moved on to daily xanax doses. I told them I don't want to take xanax or opiates and I piss perfectly clean. They still badger me about weed while I'm trying to convince them to order diagnostics at my own expense. FUCK

 

I felt perfectly normal and healthy last year. I don't understand what's happening to me

[Guest boo]

I would love to get a prescription of Gabapentin for anxiety (never had anything prescribed for anything) because yeah, it just subtlety puts you in a good, relaxed mood, and the words flow/pointless inhibitions go. That's it. Nothing negative (well apart from slightly slurred speech at high dose).

[flim]

I resolve to be better in this next year. A friend drove 2 hours to see me twice in less than a week because she was afraid I was going to kill myself. Ha. No need to do something like that. I'm going to shake this shit off and see where I am this time next year.

[Guest fiznuthian]

I would love to get a prescription of Gabapentin for anxiety (never had anything prescribed for anything) because yeah, it just subtlety puts you in a good, relaxed mood, and the words flow/pointless inhibitions go. That's it. Nothing negative (well apart from slightly slurred speech at high dose).

 

Well there's a lot of interesting things to learn about it in the literature and hopefully my doctor will continue prescribing it for me in a little bigger dose than the small 600 mg i'm taking now. I must say though that even at 600 this drug can knock social anxiety on it's ass. It's affect on my mood is very noticeable too as I just become calm, content, and much more chatty. I take the 600 mg on days that I work in a 200 mg sequence each hour. 200 mg when I wake up, then another 200 an hour or so later, then 200 more an hour after that.

 

It's not a drug that is easily abused though, as large doses induce a tolerance very rapidly as gabapentin appears to saturate the intestinal transport and also the transport system-L which is responsible for it's movement through the blood brain barrier (see this paper). You can only absorb so much at once after which excess gabapentin will be discarded through urine. It's not a drug easy to overdose on and large daily dosages are largely wasteful.

 

There's interesting reads in some journals about gabapentin as a neuroprotective substance. In rodent models of induced diabetes, huntingtons disease, ALS, and spinal cord injury, gabapentin displayed the ability to attenuate damage to neurons and glial cells. It's primarily an anti-epileptic drug, but found use in the treatment of neuropathic pain, migraines, and mood disorders. There's a couple interesting case studies to read where gabapentin was prescribed and subsequently stopped major depressive episodes in their tracks.

 

I'm trying to learn more about drugs like this, or anything that might help me. Gabapentin (and pregabalin) as far as I can tell seems to be quite an amazing drug but is often not talked about. I'm extremely wary of SSRIs but admittedly don't have a solid reason to be. Paxil fucked me up hard during the 2 weeks I was on it and I was forced to discontinue.

Edited January 1, 2015 by fiznuthian