I need help with a personal problem I've been having

[drillkicker]

It isn't anything serious, but it is very bothersome and invasive to me. I've been getting a certain feeling lately, like a powerful urge to do something very specific. The issue with it is that I can't figure out what it is that I have the urge to do. It feels like some sort of wonderful idea that needs to be expressed, but I'm unable to figure out how to express it. I try to make it go away by composing songs, writing poems, stories, or miscellaneous prose, and sometimes drawing, but nothing works. Eventually I get frustrated and lose hope and that feeling morphs into some mild sort of depression, which quickly just turns into boredom. I also sometimes try to read poems or literature that I enjoy, but that only makes it worse, and I'm completely unable to even continue reading. I've even tried learning unknown languages to get rid of it, but that always fails after a while. I've been getting into the habit of just distracting myself with television and forums like WATMM, but I don't believe that's a healthy way of solving this problem. This isn't a feeling that's unfamiliar to me; I've actually felt it periodically as long as I can remember, but it's been getting very annoying lately as I've just returned from vacation and have been more bored than I normally am.

 

Is anyone else familiar with this situation? If so, how do you deal with it? I feel like I've tried everything, but it never works.

[KovalainenFanBoy]

Have you tried getting professional help, like a therapist? We all know the stigma is huge and the "just tough it out" mentality when it comes to mental health is still sadly prevalent but it really looks like you would greatly benefit from it.

[modey]

have a wank

[drillkicker]

Have you tried getting professional help, like a therapist? We all know the stigma is huge and the "just tough it out" mentality when it comes to mental health is still sadly prevalent but it really looks like you would greatly benefit from it.

I don't have the money to pay for therapy. I don't want to "tough it out" because I know it will not go away until I succeed in realizing it. I want to find out how to express this feeling and let it out. I guess when I start thinking about ways I could do that, it just starts to feel hopeless, and I instead bury the feeling more. But it's like trying to bury a cork with water. The biggest obstacle in expressing it is that I can't express something that I can't even articulate into any concrete idea.

 

 

have a wank

I actually just did that before making this thread.

[flacid]

Get laid.

[drillkicker]

Get laid.

I don't want to.

[Bechuga]

Volunteer work or random acts of kindness? Sometimes scratches the itch rather well, knowing you did good.

[drillkicker]

Volunteer work or random acts of kindness? Sometimes scratches the itch rather well, knowing you did good.

Maybe, but I don't normally bother much with morality. It all seems pointless to me.

 

What I've been thinking about doing is leaving this lifestyle and hitch hiking to Peru. It's a journey that seems very attractive to me. I know someone who went across the country and back that way, and he said some very good things about it. My uncle and both maternal grandparents also spent portions of their youth hitch hiking through Europe (and in the case of my grandfather, all the way through Turkey, Syria, and Jordan), and all of them enjoyed it very much.

 

The thing is that it's quite intimidating to leave everything and everyone behind and go out alone with no shelter and only $80 in my bank account, having to rely solely on strangers and whatever I can carry in my backpack. It's especially intimidating that I will have to travel through many countries where English isn't spoken by most people and it will be quite a distance before I get to the German parts of South America, where I will be able to understand people. I'm determined to do this some day, but I just don't feel ready for it yet.

[bronchuseven]

Have you tried meditation? Maybe if you clear your mind the vague feeling will become more defined.

[drillkicker]

I actually haven't. but that's a good idea. I'll try it and see what I find.

[logakght]

I've been feeling kind of the same situation lately.

 

I upvote a trip. Maybe you need to distract yourself a bit from the daily routine of "searching something to do". Relax and enjoy the moment, you'll feel better once you stop getting worried about that.

Also, how social are you? I once wrote a really depressing post about myself where I basically said how lonely I am. It does affect sometimes.

[MadameChaos]

you're over thinking the situation. try doing whatever you can at the time. a direction will open itself to you. just keep creating etc.

 

[YO303]

Time to go gay

[drillkicker]

I've been feeling kind of the same situation lately.

 

I upvote a trip. Maybe you need to distract yourself a bit from the daily routine of "searching something to do". Relax and enjoy the moment, you'll feel better once you stop getting worried about that.

Also, how social are you? I once wrote a really depressing post about myself where I basically said how lonely I am. It does affect sometimes.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I keep thinking about how much there is to do that I don't give myself time to actually do anything. The thing is that I don't want to just end up trapped in a mindless existence like many of the people I know, who just distract themselves and don't accomplish anything, and it overwhelms me. It makes me feel like I need to do everything at once.

 

I'm not social at all, by the way. I have a few friends, but they're all busy with school, and one of them is leaving for college tomorrow, so I've been entirely alone for the past two weeks or so. Solitude is something I'm used to, so I've just been ignoring it.

 

 

Time to go gay

You're making assumptions...

[KovalainenFanBoy]

Don't want to get to page 2 without someone mentioning drugs

 

So, drugs

[logakght]

 

I've been feeling kind of the same situation lately.

 

I upvote a trip. Maybe you need to distract yourself a bit from the daily routine of "searching something to do". Relax and enjoy the moment, you'll feel better once you stop getting worried about that.

Also, how social are you? I once wrote a really depressing post about myself where I basically said how lonely I am. It does affect sometimes.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I keep thinking about how much there is to do that I don't give myself time to actually do anything. The thing is that I don't want to just end up trapped in a mindless existence like many of the people I know, who just distract themselves and don't accomplish anything, and it overwhelms me. It makes me feel like I need to do everything at once.

 

I'm not social at all, by the way. I have a few friends, but they're all busy with school, and one of them is leaving for college tomorrow, so I've been entirely alone for the past two weeks or so. Solitude is something I'm used to, so I've just been ignoring it.

 

The main difference between those who live a "mindless existence" and you is that you actually want to do something. Most of those people that live on facebook/tumblr or whatever they simply don't give a fuck, So don't worry, you won't become like those since you are actually getting worried about it. As I said, find something different to do that you enjoy but without forcing yourself to do it. Eventually you'll find actual inspiration to focus on what you want to express. But then again, don't worry about "falling into procrastination" it is normal, you will create stuff sooner or later.

[drillkicker]

 

 

I've been feeling kind of the same situation lately.

 

I upvote a trip. Maybe you need to distract yourself a bit from the daily routine of "searching something to do". Relax and enjoy the moment, you'll feel better once you stop getting worried about that.

Also, how social are you? I once wrote a really depressing post about myself where I basically said how lonely I am. It does affect sometimes.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I keep thinking about how much there is to do that I don't give myself time to actually do anything. The thing is that I don't want to just end up trapped in a mindless existence like many of the people I know, who just distract themselves and don't accomplish anything, and it overwhelms me. It makes me feel like I need to do everything at once.

 

I'm not social at all, by the way. I have a few friends, but they're all busy with school, and one of them is leaving for college tomorrow, so I've been entirely alone for the past two weeks or so. Solitude is something I'm used to, so I've just been ignoring it.

 

The main difference between those who live a "mindless existence" and you is that you actually want to do something. Most of those people that live on facebook/tumblr or whatever they simply don't give a fuck, So don't worry, you won't become like those since you are actually getting worried about it. As I said, find something different to do that you enjoy but without forcing yourself to do it. Eventually you'll find actual inspiration to focus on what you want to express. But then again, don't worry about "falling into procrastination" it is normal, you will create stuff sooner or later.

Thank you for the reassurance. I spent a few weeks living with my grandparents in Germany, and they still spend every day actively working on things, so I guess that's a perfect example of that.

I have been feeling very lonely, though, and I feel like that's a big part of how I'm feeling. I'm not sure what to do about all of my friends either going away or being too busy to do anything.

[may be rude]

the feeling is unspecified, yet you assume it has specificity. could just be the din of existence. humans evolved to be annoyed. the complacent got eaten by tigers.

[drillkicker]

No, it's definitely something stronger than that. It's definitely related to beauty in some way, like I want to create some form of beauty in the world and in the lives of others, as well as my own. It's just that I can't figure out the details of what beauty looks like. It seems like every possible conception of beauty applied to this world turns out being quite boring and average, so it leaves me rather demoralized.

[acroyear]

you said you compose songs. Maybe it's simply that you need to do more of that, until your creative energy reaches it's peak and maybe the idea will come out.

[may be rude]

there is a lot of new unrealized beauty waiting. programming is pretty powerful. i'd like to program an application that makes generative music free from 12 tone and as divorced from convention as possible, like so i set the parameters and then the song writes itself and i just listen and it plays different each time [can i do this in max?]. maybe you could apply this approach to cgi movies? knowing programming kind of opens up the box on any form of creativity. making documentaries is another great thing that is doable.

 

also hitch hiking to peru is probably rather dangerous.

 

and drugs is shitty advice. although a tiny bit of mushrooms might be helpful.

[sheatheman]

As I said, find something different to do that you enjoy but without forcing yourself to do it. Eventually you'll find actual inspiration to focus on what you want to express. But then again, don't worry about "falling into procrastination" it is normal, you will create stuff sooner or later.

[drillkicker]

you said you compose songs. Maybe it's simply that you need to do more of that, until your creative energy reaches it's peak and maybe the idea will come out.

I do, but it doesn't make me feel that much better. I guess the thing is that I'm playing songs without an audience, so my creations aren't actually succeeding in effecting the beauty that I would like to see in the world. I want to make an impact on other people, and not just myself. I guess that's part of the reason why I want to hitch hike. It's a good way of meeting new people and having an impact on many different types of individuals throughout different parts of the world.

 

 

there is a lot of new unrealized beauty waiting. programming is pretty powerful. i'd like to program an application that makes generative music free from 12 tone and as divorced from convention as possible, like so i set the parameters and then the song writes itself and i just listen and it plays different each time [can i do this in max?]. maybe you could apply this approach to cgi movies? knowing programming kind of opens up the box on any form of creativity. making documentaries is another great thing that is doable.

 

also hitch hiking to peru is probably rather dangerous.

 

and drugs is shitty advice. although a tiny bit of mushrooms might be helpful.

You can do that easily in Max, and it's a lot of fun. Max doesn't feel very fulfilling to me, though, as fun as it is, because it isn't something that I can perform for people. That's why I've been getting into writing folk songs on guitar. Max is probably the future of innovative music, though, so you should get into it, especially if you want to do experimental electronic stuff. The only limitation is your own imagination.

 

Hitch hiking to Peru probably is dangerous, but it seems like a risk that I will have to take at some point. Danger is a necessary part of adventure, after all. I have relatives who live in Lima, so I'll have somewhere to go once I'm there, and I'm not that worried about the U.S., since a friend of mine has gone through a large part of the country without trouble. It's the countries in between the U.S. and Peru that kind of frighten me.

 

Oh, and I'm definitely never doing shrooms or anything of the sort. The same guy I know who went hitch hiking also got fucked up on a trip and came back a very different person. It's a good reminder to never make the same mistake.

 

 

 

As I said, find something different to do that you enjoy but without forcing yourself to do it. Eventually you'll find actual inspiration to focus on what you want to express. But then again, don't worry about "falling into procrastination" it is normal, you will create stuff sooner or later.

Don't be rude. Logakght was only trying to help. I think you'll fit in better in this thread.

[logakght]

 

As I said, find something different to do that you enjoy but without forcing yourself to do it. Eventually you'll find actual inspiration to focus on what you want to express. But then again, don't worry about "falling into procrastination" it is normal, you will create stuff sooner or later.

 

 

lol yeah wtf im just saying what is working for me at least.

[hoggy]

I know the feeling you mean - actually I think it's deceptive (in a weird way) - I don't think that that feeling is what it appears to be