So my ex-girlfriend just put a spreadsheet on facebook, detailing all the pros and cons of her past boyfriends

[Root5]

The spreadsheet compares a list of her ex-boyfriends (with the names removed), and a list of the traits she desires in a boyfriend. She put it on facebook. There are a number of things that bug me about this state of affairs:

 

1. Although she removed the names of her ex-boyfriends, she kept the list in chronological order, so it's easy for everyone to see which one is me.

 

2. I've been extremely careful not to say bad things about her since our breakup. I mentioned to 2 people that "we weren't right for each other" but I was sure to say good things about her as well. The least she could do in return is be more discreet, so I don't necessarily have to know about her listing my failings to everyone.

 

3. She doesn't meet her own criteria. Most of the things she wants in a partner, she does not herself achieve. In a perfect world, this would make her come off as over-demanding; however, everyone on facebook is amazed at how fun and cool she is to make spreadsheets about her dating history.

 

4. She's in her mid-twenties and in a masters program. She should be too old for this shit.

 

5. Even though I'm in the exact same masters program as she is, and working well paying jobs, I lose points for not being "Ambitious and motivated."

 

6. One of her required qualities in a boyfriend is that he "Understands [her] history of medical problems and is okay with it." However, one of her strongly desired qualities in a boyfriend is that he has "No family history of genetically inheritable diseases.". Isn't that a bit hypocritical?

 

6. I lose points for having a history of "abusive relationships". This makes it sound like I was an abuser, even though I was the victim of an abusive relationship. Now all my friends think I abuse women.

 

I don't know why I'm complaining about it here. It's a bit too close to home to complain about it to my friends. I know I'm obsessing over someone else being stupid, and I should just let it go. And I know WATMM's advice will always be "cancel your facebook account already". But seriously, is this messed up, or is it more normal than I think? Any WATMMers experienced similar stories

PS: I've complained about people on WATMM before, and when complaining about someone who happens to be a woman I've sometimes gotten responses like "bitches be crazy", "that what you should expect from a woman", or "have you tried sex with her anus". I'm not fishing for misogynist rants. I'm just trying to complain about being indiscreetly criticized on facebook by an ex, and wondering if there are similar stories.

[lumpenprol]

 

PS: I've complained about people on WATMM before, and when complaining about someone who happens to be a woman I've sometimes gotten responses like "bitches be crazy", "that what you should expect from a woman", or "have you tried sex with her anus".

haha. It seems you are willfully resisting Watmm's sage advice?

 

but yeah, thanks for sharing, but bitch sounds very self-absorbed, consider yourself lucky. Being called a fuck up by a psycho is nothing to be concerned about.

[awepittance]

it just seems like a display of immaturity. When you reach say past the age of 25 or so I think that someone who can't be honest about the reasons for breaking up who is able to write a passive aggressive public critique of you is extremely immature on many levels. I also think its very disrespectful and is a clear indication of why you shouldn't be going out with her anymore.

If i were you I would call her out on how disrespectful, vindictive and immature it was. It's also a violation of privacy imo. Unless you guys had some kind of major falling our or horrible breakup (it sounds like you didn't) her treatment and respect for you as a person seems to be almost zero for her to be capable of this. Even if she didn't include the names, there are many people besides you and her who can easily deduce who each person is

even if she didn't shit talk about you on this list, a women who does something like that seems very undesirable to me in the first place. You either have to be extremely overly type A, borderline autistic or just a really stupid fucking disrespectful person to have something like that within your self, all 3 would make me run in the other direction

Is it normal? In highschool or with a girl who can't be called 'mature' by any measure, sure it's normal. But if she's an adult, there is absolutely no excuse, and no it's not normal. It's pretty fucked up

[autopilot]

just watch a bunch of Bill Burr and you will feel better

 

[goDel]

IMO, with doing such a thing like that, she comes across as having issues. And although I do think that the info might be true and sincere from her perspective, she hardly holds any credibility to be close to reality about all the people in her list. And I'm pretty sure most people will look at it this way as well. Perhaps not her girlfriends who probably share the same issues. But that's another story.

 

My only question to you is what you believe your real- life friends and people you know, would read into it. Are you safe?

[lumpenprol]

Is her name Taylor Swift?

[goDel]

Edit: and i,d confront her about point 6. She obviously hasnt spent enough time on thinking this through, so you might want to help her there. At least she should have worded it more carefully....

 

 

The other points, like on ambition and motivation, well, that's just her perception. I wouldn't be too hung up about those. And they're beyond your control as well. Opinions, and shit. You have to suck those up, and be confident other don't share her opinion.

[Root5]

Thanks watmm.

 

To answer the questions, most of my friends know her, but few know her to any good degree. When we dated, she was very shy and didn't talk to them. My friends partly assumed she was stuck up (because that's what people assume of shy girls), and partly just didn't know what to think.

She broke up with me because we weren't right for each other. She wanted a lot from a relationship (as I suppose is now apparent), and I just wanted an easy comfortable arrangement. So it was for the best for both of us that she dumped me. It was publicly a very quiet break up, but she harboured resentments against me, and once she blew up at me afterwards and said nasty things to hurt my feelings. Afterwards she pretended it never happened. We have one mutual friend who is better friends to her, and so knows all the dirt. The mutual friend is, thankfully, very discreet, and doesn't blab to either of us about the other.

 

After the break up, my ex "came out of her shell" and became somewhat of a wanna-be sex blogger, dishing all her secrets in this style on the internet. Until now I've just reacting by thinking "wow she's changed" but since this happened I'm concerned for my reputation.

 

My concern is mostly about my acquaintances in our masters program, who would not know for sure that I'm not abusive. I'm typically pretty argumentative, and I could see that fitting into a narrative of abuse. However, I cannot imagine a way to call her out on this without making things worse. I could plausibly send her a private email, asking nicely that she take it down. But I could not try to salvage my reputation publicly without making myself seem like a psycho.

 

In regards to a comment, I'm not sure her friends (boys and girls) also have issues for being captivated by this. Gossip is seductive, and, if you aren't personally implicated in it like I am, it's easy to be blinded and not see the attention seeking behaviour for what it is. I could see myself getting caught up in this if I wasn't on the list.

[goDel]

Just wondering: how long has it been since the break up?

 

And do you still have contact with this mutual friend? If that spreadsheet is going to bite you in your ass, that friend might be your best shot into trying to talk some sense into this ex.

[Root5]

I sent her a private email asking politely for her to take it down, on the grounds of privacy.

 

We've been broken up for 2 years. We've both had serious relationships since the break-up and have moved on. We had a brief chat over email a year ago, when she moved into the same program that I'm in, but since then haven't really talked or even seen each other.

[goDel]

Be sure to copy paste her response in this thread! ;D

[pattern recognition]

step 1:delete facebook account

step 3:happiness

[Adieu]

She sounds like a cunt. Good riddance. Also, why do you care what this bitch thinks of you? or anyone else for that matter? Also, anyone who has one of their criteria as "no family history of genetically inheritable diseases" is a jackass, and in my opinion completely out of touch. What cold cunt that person has to be.

[Root5]

I care about what she thinks because I care about what people think. I know I shouldn't, and I keep those feelings under wraps for the most part. But I care more when what she thinks is put into a spreadsheet with gossip written all over it. Who could who could resist a gossip spreadsheet?

 

That said, point taken. I think I might be a bit too paranoid about my own privacy and people's opinions about me. Social media may bring these feeling out in me more than is healthy.

 

In her defense, the no family history of disease thing isn't one of the "necessary" criteria, it's one of the highly desirable criteria. However, given the prevalence of so many heritable diseases, it seems a highly unrealistic. It also seems hypocritical to me, given her own medical problems, and her rightful insistence that her partners accept her for them.

 

She was actually very nice when we dated, although we weren't right for each other. But in this case I definitely think she's out of control. Probably the joy that is derived from having people pay attention to you on facebook has temporarily overpowered her decision making abilities.

[Silent Member]

Probably the joy that is derived from having people pay attention to you on facebook has temporarily overpowered her decision making abilities.

 

This. People just go overboard with this kind of shit and end up looking like nutcases when people can't be arsed to click like anymore. *hates facebook* *checks facebook*

[MadameChaos]

Just ignore it, and if anyone mentions it to you laugh it off. It reflects on her rather than on you and even if people do "figure out" which one is you, the information is coming from an unreliable source and anyone with any sense will pay no attention to it. Everyone will forget by next week.

 

And remember...

 

 

 

[KovalainenFanBoy]

As has been said before, just ignore her. Don't reply to her, do not contact her or comment on the fb post or anything. If someone thinks lesser of you because of what a immature bitch says, you'd be better off without him/her anyway. If anything, send her a PM explaining how it's not OK to expose someone's private life to the public without his permission, in a polite and neutral way, if you're too concerned about your privacy. Anyways, someone should tell her how it's totally not OK to do tha, preferably someone neutral to the whole situation; but the kind of people who post this shit on fb tend to stay away from and dismiss people who offer the slightest shade of criticism

[Guest]

 

+

 

[encey]

At the very least, unfriend her!

[Npoess]

Gotta love them social media

 

It seems people are becoming more and more oblivious on what to post, and what not to post these days.

[Blir]

step 1:delete facebook account

step 3:happiness

 

Quoted for so much fucking truth.

 

Also: have you tried having sex with her anus?

[Guest RadarJammer]

why not just comment on the post with your addendum of not being the abuser. just to show people that you can stand up for yourself and that you don't wanna be the victim of a careless miscommunication

[RichieBees]

post the fucking spreadsheet and also listen 2 lots of bill bur hes great

e: call her a cunt in the commentws

[xox]

i hate facebook

[manmower]

post the fucking spreadsheet