Candiru

“Cop wife fucking is a dangerous game.” - Benjamin Franklin, 1782

bluegrass chiptunes or chopped n' screwed ragtime

People who post in the metal thread

Since you didn't state this as a question, I will respond to you, who cares.

https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/447131-poll-biden-leads-trump-in-texas I'm at the point where I just want to win.

I like the trve stuff and the non trve stuff.

When you take your cheesy bread out of the toaster, it is frozen. When you put it back in and turn it on, the sky darkens, a bird hits your window and dies. When you go outside to look at it, maybe bury it in your garden, it is gone and your garden turns into a pile of broken, shimmering glass that illuminates a circle that reaches you. Dogs howl from an unspecific location and an old radio begins playing Frank Sinatra from somewhere maybe 30 meters away. You go back inside your house and the ice has encased your toaster. Time to start that keto diet you fucking nerd.

Usagi was a warrior.

When I first used a sticky trap, I thought the whole point of it was to be less barbaric, like you can free the mouse after it gets caught. After prying it off with a plastic fork outside and unintentionally breaking all of its legs, I realized how much better the snappy bar traps are. I had a coworker that threw boiling water on mice.

Grilled

The industry I work in now is ridiculous this way. It's sickening.

Dead on baaawwwllls accurate

Biden is polling way the fuck ahead of Trump in all the states Hilary lost in 2016. Like him or not, a ton of moderate GOPers would gladly vote for him over Trump and he is in no way a repeat of Hilary. He doesn’t have the decades of smear campaign on him and more people are ok with him than you are led to believe by YouTube pundits like Sam Seder or some shit. Is Biden the shiny new thing I want for Christmas? No. Will I vote for him if he wins the primary? Absofuckinglutely.

Sometimes in coffee shops I’ll be looking at beans and there are these ridiculously expensive ones called gesha. It’s some 1%er shit because it can be like $60 for 8oz. Absurdity, mang. Anyone ever tried “gesha” beans?

Fill a jacuzzi with clam chowder and turn on the jets. Get in wearing some nice slacks and a cashmere turtleneck sweater. Hootie & The Blowfish blares from a Bluetooth speaker on the sink. A wine glass of Gatorade is within arms reach. Your wife walks in after a long day at work, expecting to talk about house hunting, the cat's next vet appointment, and trying a new diet together, but she drops her bags and travel mug instantly. Her expression turns from confusion, to anger, to a mischievous, rabid lust. “Skin my marmot”, she growls. “I am an ornery dolphin” you eagerly respond. When the FBI kicks in the door and sees the kitchen covered in snails, you will have already conceived The Child. The One who will liberate us from shitting indoors and breathing air for free. What has already been set in motion cannot be undone and the planets will move for his holiness occasionally for a fee

Shmoinx kerplunkowagga

Sumpth Ng Ran Dumb

Getting stuck on an elevator with Mel Gibson and D.L. Hughley was soooooo awkward. They tried to convert me to Scientology and sell me xannies. Mel ate like 3 Toaster Strudels and didn't blink once. D.L. wouldn't shut up about how he was gonna get the role in Shawshank Redemption that Morgan Freeman got but got injured but he totally would have got it. I felt bad and bought some xannies because I felt that bad

Karat Taupe

I flew on the back of a sea turtle through a ring of fire above Cleveland, with a stream of cupcakes shooting out of its ass. I saw my ancestors dabbing on the horizon and my purpose laid out before me. A path to glory splattered with the blood of my enemies with some light romantic comedy elements. I take a hearty swig of kombucha and steer my valiant chariot towards the trap house.

Sounds like a hell of a scare. Here’s to yo health

This recent roll he's been on with talking to the Japanese military, shrugging off NK's missiles, and making fun of Joe Biden with his pal Kim are some of the most convincing recent evidence for the rapid disintegration of his frontal lobe. And congress is supposed to get his taxes and Deutsche bank records soon, so goddammit let something good happen wtf

OMG Tony Hawk you inspired me to sk8 4ever

Are you saying that... BoTh sIDes R bAD ?