Hoodie Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 here's my situation: there's an electronic music festival coming to my city. i bought a ticket at the beginning of the summer, because i planned on going. my best friend is going and three of his other friends are going. they're all getting a hotel room. the plan was, i'd go with them and also help pay my share of the hotel room. they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this. anyway, the line up for the concert came up and it was a bunch of trance djs that i have no interest in seeing. as i have a very heavy workload from school and research, i decided that taking a weekend out to go to a festival that has no musicians i like wouldn't be a good decision. also, the ticket cost $140. it just didn't seem worth it to me. so, i went on facebook and posted that i was interested in selling my ticket. the day after, i got these texts from my friend: "Dude wtf I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch edc, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say" (i didn't respond because i don't know what to say.) i'm not sure how to take this. i'm hoping you guys can help me. i just don't understand why he's so mad at me. he didn't even ask why i didn't want to go. he just went off on me. i'm really upset because i feel like the message is disrespectful, as i try to be a very good friend and help him whenever i can. we've known each other since middle school and have been through a lot together, so to have him act like this toward me is very hurtful. this isn't the first time he's said stuff like this either. he got mad at me for "disrespecting his home" when i left a bag of chips open this summer. i realize that i can be a forgetful doofus and break things, but he's not perfect either. he left my car's window down when he helped me parallel park on the side of a road, for example. it was open for several hours (during the night, by the location of a college party), but i don't hold it against him. then again, maybe i am an unreliable fuck up? i'm really not sure. i'm hoping another opinion can help me decide how i should proceed. part of me never wants to talk to him again because i feel like he doesn't hold a high opinion of me and it would be degrading to talk to him again. another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well. i don't know how to proceed. i don't even know what to say to him, because i think he'll take anything i say as stupid. help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blir Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 If you're generally unreliable then I can understand why he'd go off on one. I'm like that with a particularly flaky friend of mine. However until you've spoken to him on the phone/in person this whole thing will be blown out of proportion and dramatic over text. Just need to speak to him and say roughly what you put here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyrex Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Sounds like you need to find new and better friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disparaissant Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well. i think what i'd do is tell him this much in as gentle a way as possible and try to be nice. if he DOES react like you're stupid, i dunno. dont talk to him unless you have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pierlu Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Did your friend count on you for sharing the hotel fee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Root5 Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 It sounds like this guy is just trying to guilt you and blame you for things. If he's looking for a more dependable friend, he's perfectly within his rights to plan around you and not rely on you. But he shouldn't be trying to shame you for changing your plans based on your schedule. Sometimes people are busy and they overextend themselves and have to cancel. Generally when you do this, it's best to give as much notice as possible and apologize. But regardless, it happens, and people have to deal with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sirch Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Sounds like you need to find new and better friends. this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azatoth Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Just take MDMA and have fun. What's the line-up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blir Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Sounds like you need to find new and better friends. this No, not this. You have no idea what these people are like. You talk as if you've never had a day where you've been shitty with someone. Perhaps her friend was having a bad day? Maybe Hoodie can be a bit of a bitch (not saying she is!)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest disparaissant Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Sounds like you need to find new and better friends. this No, not this. You have no idea what these people are like. You talk as if you've never had a day where you've been shitty with someone. Perhaps her friend was having a bad day? Maybe Hoodie can be a bit of a bitch (not saying she is!)? this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theSun Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 for these 3 reasons, hoodie is fine 1. she won't like the music 2. she won't get the shared mdma experience with her friends (being sober around fucked up people is always annoying) 3. it's $140 maybe her or her friend are overly stressed about other things but if he's still a dick about it after the above is made clear, fuck it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sirch Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Sounds like you need to find new and better friends. this No, not this. You have no idea what these people are like. You talk as if you've never had a day where you've been shitty with someone. Perhaps her friend was having a bad day? Maybe Hoodie can be a bit of a bitch (not saying she is!)? this not this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friendly Foil Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Your friend sounds a bit crazy. Ask him what's up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcbpete Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. What does he mean by this. We need some context l'il lady ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCONES TO DIE FOR Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 i got these texts from my friend: "Dude wtf I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch EDC, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say" I'm curious who you thought would be at the Electric Daisy Carnival that would be worth seeing in the first place. Isn't it synonomous with shit music? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pierlu Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Did your friend count on you for sharing the hotel fee? I am saying this cos it seems you had agreed to share hotel costs and then you changed your mind and tried to sell the ticket without saying to them you were not going. If that's the case, I'd be pissed too, cos I would have liked to heard it from you instead of reading it on facebook. If this is not the case... well probably he has a bad day or he is pissed at you always behaving that way, i.e. saying yes let's do it and then changing your mind all by yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ron Manager Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Unless I misread, you didn't tell him privately that you no longer wanted to go before announcing that you were selling your ticket on Facebook? I can see how someone would take offence to that, so perhaps that was part of the reason he reacted the way he did. 'Being disappointed' in you for not wanting to take MDMA is, of course, totally fucking ridiculous. EDIT: oops didn't see pierlu's post above. What he said. I mean 'this'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Frankie5fingers Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 just because youve known someone a long time doesn't mean that you owe them to be friends. look, like others say, i don't know the person to give the best advice or course of action, but from that comment alone it sounds like he doesn't really think of you as a great friend, more of just an acquaintance at best. and doesn't have much respect for you. but if it where me, id tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again. anyone who talks about me like that, no matter how much i like them, instantly goes on my shit list. who cares if you lose a friend who obviously doesn't think the same about you. theres 6.9 billion others out there to be friends with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr lopez Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 boomDISSphace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cichlisuite Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I agree with the above (edit: Pierlu and Don Manager). If plans are set and someone changes his mind by not going it's a good thing to talk to your 'team' first. Maybe they'd like to invite someone else instead of you selling that ticket to someone they don't even know. Some people can be quite sensitive about who comes along with them. Especially if they share the same hotel room. Cancelling the trip is not a bad thing, everyone had to do it at least once, but it's not clear to me why would you decide to go to a festival and didn't know the lineup. I know that some people don't care what kind of music they hear, but something tells me you're not that kind of person. And judging by your later decision when you saw the lineup, even more so. I might be jumping to conclusions too fast here, but it seems that you both didn't play exactly 'by the book'. I'd suggest the same as someone above did. You should try to talk to them in a manner of your original post. If it turns out grim, then you know it's not about you cancelling and not taking drugs, but it's the people who are not exactly sensible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salvatorin Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Real friends don't talk to each other like that. It might feel worse, but seriously if he has no respect for your decision, which he doesn't seem to have, I'd just tell him that you're sorry it couldn't work out but you have to focus on serious things right now. That is a fucking respectable decision! Anyone in their right mind would tell you that staying home, working on your career, not fucking your brain up with drugs is a fine fucking choice. He sounds immature and caught up in the social wave, imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skotosa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Do whatever the fuck it is you want to do. Any good friend will respect your choice, granted it isn't a last minute change thing. He is definitely guilt tripping you, why? Could be many reasons, he likes you or maybe he needs you for the cheaper hotel room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoodie Posted October 23, 2012 Author Share Posted October 23, 2012 Did your friend count on you for sharing the hotel fee? I am saying this cos it seems you had agreed to share hotel costs and then you changed your mind and tried to sell the ticket without saying to them you were not going. If that's the case, I'd be pissed too, cos I would have liked to heard it from you instead of reading it on facebook. If this is not the case... well probably he has a bad day or he is pissed at you always behaving that way, i.e. saying yes let's do it and then changing your mind all by yourself. he'd be getting a hotel room anyway since he's getting the room with three other people. it's $65 a night, so that'd be $130 at most. so my share would've been $26. money isn't even an issue, honestly. at least, it better not be, since i bought him a $40 ticket for amon tobin just a month ago. i do shit like that a lot. and i'm not unreliable. at least, i don't think i am. i do change my mind sometimes and sometimes i run into circumstances where i can't do things with him (i live with my mom and sometimes she doesn't allow me to go places). however, i'd say i'm there when it matters most. take last week as an example. he called me 15 min before i had class to tell me he forgot his student id at home and needed it for a test in 15 min. i immediately drive to pick him up, drive to his place and drive back to campus to drop him off. i was 10-15 min late for my class, but it was worth it to try and help him out. if he asks me to do something, i will help him. the things i'm "unreliable" with are usually stuff pertaining to going out or doing drugs. admittedly, spring semester i did fuck up. he wanted to go to a college town like 3hrs away to visit a friend and i thought i had permission from my mom but she changed her mind. how is that my fault though? shall i just move out because my mother's decisions inconvenience my friend's control over my life? i'm not fucking married to him. i don't have to consult him for every decision i make. i was going to try to see if i could find a buyer for the fucking ticket first before committing to not going, but two mutual friends found my post on the event's facebook wall, so i decided to post it on my wall to prevent confusion. that's why i didn't tell him. also, i knew he'd berate me for even thinking about not going, as he dles think i change my mind too much. can i help it that i found out a ticket i bought two months ago doesn't fit into my plans for next month? i'd rather have a free weekend to focus on school, because the weekend before i'm going on a trip to see eleminop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GORDO Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 If you had already made plans with them, cancelling without even telling them first is kindof dickish, because you know, they may have been making plans accounting for you and such. Also there's people that don't like last minute changes, however small they are. So you post on fb that you want to sell your ticket, what if you don't find a buyer? you go with the original plan? you go to your friends and say "I don't really want to go but, can I still stick around with you if I have no other choice?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skotosa Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 You be the best person you can be and if his MDMA addled mind can't comprehend your civility on the matter don't sweat it. Wait you posted it on facebook because you didn't want him to know? And your friends with him on facebook? Hold up here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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