Autechre anybody else is having some scary lives these days?

[vamos scorcho]

sometimes i feel very strongly like i am dreaming while i'm awake. it can be incredibly frightening. tonight at dinner with my family i felt disconnected like i was watching myself be disconnected. i was watching us at a dinner table from far away, is what it felt like.

 

sometimes it is very nice like when i'm in the backseat of a car and have no responsibilities to worry about

 

other times when i'm in a situation where i need or desire to be myself

(such as around a special girl)

i become so detached and frightened of them that i find it difficult to maintain any sort of relationship

 

all the while i hide most of these things, and find it difficult to portray my feelings about it to anybody because nobody

A. understands

B. cares (rightfully, why would they)

 

also i often feel paranoid that i can't trust anybody whatsoever. i think drugs are a huge cause for much of these things, though i've not done nearly as much as many people i know. i've decided to halt drugs.

 

on top of some of this i am 100% sure i've got "HPPD" hallucination persistance something disorder. basically what it is I see hallucinations very often. static in the sky. lines. sometimes vivid colors when i close my eyes. things can get really weird. this causes major anxiety sometimes.

 

 

also on top of all this i listen to clever dance music very often. i sometimes wonder if autechre and friends didn't contribute to me losing my mind.

[Bob Dylan]

There are people which have jobs who seek out people like you to help them, you know?

[vamos scorcho]

oh yes i do know my dear sir

 

i don't need help though

 

i'm mostly happy, i'm not completely insane

 

just kind of this icing on my life that can suck sometimes

 

alright lets see which faggots are going to tell me their problems so i can help them out

 

edit

 

by i don't need help i'm assuming you mean psychologists, and by me help them, i'm assuming you mean 100 dollars per visit for a little advice i could have found on the internet *most of the time*

[Guest EleminoP]

My uncle walked west into the woods with a 100% cotton pillow case full of forest survival supplies because oil is ruining the world and the plastic in his house was going to kill him.

[Guest nene multiple assgasms]

My uncle walked west into the woods with a 100% cotton pillow case full of forest survival supplies because oil is ruining the world and the plastic in his house was going to kill him.

 

your uncle has some intriguing ideas and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

[Bob Dylan]

i don't need help though

i'm mostly happy, i'm not completely insane

 

by i don't need help i'm assuming you mean psychologists, and by me help them, i'm assuming you mean 100 dollars per visit for a little advice i could have found on the internet *most of the time*

 

 

Well you are certainly implying about things that are scary, and affecting your life, abnormal situations psychologically and I quote "i become so detached and frightened of them that i find it difficult to maintain any sort of relationship".

 

So you do need help. I feel sad that you think that on the intrawebs you'll find the same advice than a doctor. This is certainly also part of your problem, FYI.

 

 

 

[Guest mrcopyandpaste]

NIGGA YOU ON LSD

[bossman]

your death is advising you to live your life better

[Morpheus]

Anxiety and panic. No hallucinations though.

 

I've found that the dealing with mental issues has to do with how you approach them. If you think "I had a panic attack, now what steps do I take not to be anxious and have another attack?" You will ultimately fail in trying to conquer the issue and just keep going in this cycle of fear and hope. But if you look at it from the standpoint of the fact that if you were completely clear-minded and relaxed, you wouldn't even have the goal of not being anxious. Although I have not experienced it as much, the same can sorta be applied to depression.

 

For me, it also helps to understand who I really am. And that means questioning what is meant by "I" when you think "Oh god, I hope (whatever) doesn't happen." Personally, I came to see the "I" as an aggregate of thoughts and opinions based on the past, held together by my unconscious effort to hold on to good feeling and avoid bad ones. And when I realize that this has been the cause of my pain and fear, I drop that sense of self, and associate myself with only the moment of now and the environment. Basically I let myself go. Scary at first, but a huge relief when you realize all those terrible fears don't come true.

 

Also, seeing professional probably wouldn't hurt, and I would definitely recommend it if you are hallucinating.

 

Buddhism and philosophy has helped me more than any medications. But don't expect them (buddhism, meditation) to help you unless you are willing to reconsider your understanding of yourself.

 

 

[azatoth]

YOU GOING BATSHIT CRRRRRAZY! CHECK INTO YOUR NEAREST INSANE ASYLUM.

[Guest Gary C]

I got through my paranoia by completely quitting drugs and submerging myself in a new environment and with new friends. But of course I did come back from that holiday, so I didn't completely restart my life.

Something like that is pretty difficult to get away with though, I guess. And presumably it won't be for everyone as it could have the opposite effect and leave you vulnerable.

 

also on top of all this i listen to clever dance music very often. i sometimes wonder if autechre and friends didn't contribute to me losing my mind.

 

But mainly, yeah. Quit IDM. Sunshine, exercise, food. Get a good book and ride the bus.

 

[Guest Funktion]

i used to get some thing where it felt like i'd just woken up and realised where i was and it shocked me so i couldnt work very well, like the awareness of my surroundings got sliced in half, it was quite scary not being able to know if you could cross a road without getting hit by a car. i seem to be alright these days though.

[Guest Dr. Bunsen Honeydew]

Similar issues here, I also halted drugs and have made attempts to get the right amount of sleep, wake up a little earlier before going straight out to work etc. Things are getting a bit better but every now and then I need to go off by myself and take a deep breath. I've also attempted to change my diet and eat meals regularly instead of just random bits of food here and there.

 

edit: I also believe that to some extent looking at computer monitors all the time can screw with your visual aspect of the world, take some time to find different hobbies and see if theres any effect there.

[vamos scorcho]

used to smoke alone every night, stopping for a few days here and there

 

yeah i've seen a bunch of doctors, they tend to not really help me in the ways i need

 

i found that focusing on destroying my ego has helped the best

 

for instance recognizing that the feelings are not who i am, and that i'm not necessarily depressed or anxious. basically a form of denial. it worked for a long time, very very well actually, but shit comes back sometimes with a vengeance.

[Bob Dylan]

Well you clearly are blocking any kind of true help, focusing on destroying yourself instead.

 

Keep up the good work dude.

[Guest ezkerraldean]

sometimes i feel very strongly like i am dreaming while i'm awake. it can be incredibly frightening. tonight at dinner with my family i felt disconnected like i was watching myself be disconnected. i was watching us at a dinner table from far away, is what it felt like.

 

sometimes it is very nice like when i'm in the backseat of a car and have no responsibilities to worry about

 

other times when i'm in a situation where i need or desire to be myself

(such as around a special girl)

i become so detached and frightened of them that i find it difficult to maintain any sort of relationship

 

all the while i hide most of these things, and find it difficult to portray my feelings about it to anybody because nobody

A. understands

B. cares (rightfully, why would they)

i get like this quite a lot, i've always called it "slowhead", since you lose all your wit and can't properly concentrate

being half-deaf doesn't help it either. you can't concentrate on what people are saying to you, and your response is made even slower because you barely heard what they said. ugh.

 

it's not a drug thing for me, i've barely ever done anything. sometimes i've attributed it to low blood pressure

[Guest Benedict Cumberbatch]

too much internets?

[Guest A/D]

in my experience denial compounds the problem. i only make progress when i accept what's going on and realize "hey i guess i have to go through this". i also think the concept of sanity is largely bullshit, so take what you will from this.

 

the worst things inside me have happened because i am negating myself. this means that i can sense what i need to do with my life, but don't.

[Guest abusivegeorge]

This isn't part of normal living?

 

Shit

[Guest Mr Salads]

why didnt anyone tell you guys what drugs do to your brain before you started taking them

[encey]

for instance recognizing that the feelings are not who i am, and that i'm not necessarily depressed or anxious. basically a form of denial. it worked for a long time, very very well actually, but shit comes back sometimes with a vengeance.

Yeah, the denial is the problem. Reality is life offline, talking to normal people who are annoying and who listen and tell stories and react differently than you and you have to figure out what they are thinking and feeling and tell them directly what's on your mind as well, rather than watching them as if they are the cast of your t.v. show.

 

I learned that the whole sense of dissociation from my life stemmed from an inability to accept the mundane nature of real life because I expected it to be something else, however I fantasized or nostalgically reminisced it to be.

 

Maybe an analogy would help: It's like when I learned that I quit writing all my songs halfway through only because I have an unrealistic idea of what the creative process and result should be like, as if it should just spill out perfectly and fluidly onto the piano roll like I spilled my seed into your mother last night; when in reality it's a clumsy, embarrassing and tedious process of making tiny increments of progress until, after a long time, you have gotten somewhere remarkable.

 

So, if you think, 'oh, this girl will never understand who I truly am, everything I say either sounds stupid or goes way over her head,' you just have an unrealistic idea of how communication and getting to know people works.

 

I got over feelings like yours by finding the most normal, regular people I could and just watching how they acted -- usually being themselves, often saying dumb-ass thing and looking like idiots, but keeping it real and not worrying about how they looked while doing it or whether their appearance matched up to some ideal image they had of themselves and their life. And then I emulated that.

 

E(di)T

[Bob Dylan]

Exactly. The more time you waste on the intrawebs thinking it will help you, the worse you become...

[marf]

When you are mental ie. clinically depressed or riddled with anxiety, you lose the ability to logically think your way out of it. It helps beyond words to get on meds and then use them as a stepping stone to think your way back to life. Then get off the meds asap. the end....Ive learned lessons from my "episodes"..Don't put myself in environments that would foster an attack.Negative work places, cabin fever at home. etc.. Idle hands and for me are the devils work shop .Intimidating work environments make me internalize negative emotions. So I treat myself with kid gloves and know my limits. I see my mind like my body. A thing you have to keep healthy and fit.

[lumpenprol]

When you are mental ie. clinically depressed or riddled with anxiety, you lose the ability to logically think your way out of it. It helps beyond words to get on meds and then use them as a stepping stone to think your way back to life. Then get off the meds asap. the end

 

that's exactly what i did, good advice

[vamos scorcho]

for instance recognizing that the feelings are not who i am, and that i'm not necessarily depressed or anxious. basically a form of denial. it worked for a long time, very very well actually, but shit comes back sometimes with a vengeance.

Yeah, the denial is the problem. Reality is life offline, talking to normal people who are annoying and who listen and tell stories and react differently than you and you have to figure out what they are thinking and feeling and tell them directly what's on your mind as well, rather than watching them as if they are the cast of your t.v. show.

 

I learned that the whole sense of dissociation from my life stemmed from an inability to accept the mundane nature of real life because I expected it to be something else, however I fantasized or nostalgically reminisced it to be.

 

Maybe an analogy would help: It's like when I learned that I quit writing all my songs halfway through only because I have an unrealistic idea of what the creative process and result should be like, as if it should just spill out perfectly and fluidly onto the piano roll like I spilled my seed into your mother last night; when in reality it's a clumsy, embarrassing and tedious process of making tiny increments of progress until, after a long time, you have gotten somewhere remarkable.

 

So, if you think, 'oh, this girl will never understand who I truly am, everything I say either sounds stupid or goes way over her head,' you just have an unrealistic idea of how communication and getting to know people works.

 

I got over feelings like yours by finding the most normal, regular people I could and just watching how they acted -- usually being themselves, often saying dumb-ass thing and looking like idiots, but keeping it real and not worrying about how they looked while doing it or whether their appearance matched up to some ideal image they had of themselves and their life. And then I emulated that.

 

E(di)T

 

 

i don't spend that much time on the internet. i have friends. i go out. i party hard. i have fun. i socialize.

 

but in certain situations i experience serious issues. for instance business environments, or in class. or in social situations where i don't know anybody, or where i have any inkling of social anxiety regarding awkwardness or whatnot.

 

in those situations i feel as if i can read minds, and it can scare me sometimes.

one doctor said it this way:

 

you think if she moves her hand this way and blinks twice than she's bored and is trying to get through with it or if she rotates 90 degrees to the left and scratches her leg she wants to have sex

 

etc

 

basically what he told me was:

you're probably right. some people can pick up on these things very well

 

all in all i don't expect any help at all from the internet. i just like talking about this kind of stuff.

 

you're definitely right about reality vs. fantasy though. that's a huge part of the problem. it's like i'm unable to face up to reality.

 

i've found that meds ARE a good stepping stone but they also do a number on your brain for a while. i wa on sooooooooo much medicine for a long time (not even sure some of it was the correct medicine for me, at all)

 

lexapro, lithium, seroquel, abilify, risperdal, klonopin

 

i mean it was amped too, didn't do shit for me, any of it (except klonopin LOL). when i went cold turkey off of it all i felt nothing, mostly.