i may have a serious problem with women

[baph]

We could probably take your advice about interpersonal relationships and human interaction more seriously if hugh heffner weren't staring at us with a conglomeration of implants and peroxide by his side

 

edit: wait, sorry, bby if Ur the blonde girl u should totally call me-- slangin bigg dickk right here hmu

[goDel]

This blonde doesn't have implants. Agreed, that's exceptional for blondes on Heffners side. But whatever you think about the Heff, the Heff knows what's up. Heff is AOK. No matter what his taste in women is. Look at that friggin smile. At least Heff knows how to be happy. That's already better what 90% of this board achieves in life.

 

And I wasn't even giving advice about interpersonal relationships or interaction. I'll leave those silly ideas to myself, thank you very much.

 

 

edit.: this a prolly one of the most natural girls you'd see at his side. She might even hold the world record for most natural woman on Heffs side

 

FU!!!!!

[Candiru]

goDel is talking sense.

 

Also, stop looking at porn altogether and socialize more. Train your brain chemistry to like better things. You'll have a newfound sense of ambition, energy and charisma. Lol all you want at this advice, but do at least try it.

[Guest Lucy Faringold]

I mean, look at the writer himself:

(before)

 

and

 

(after)

 

almost anyone could make a transformation like this.

 

lolololol. The only difference outside of the lighting/framing/resolution is that he's gone bald by the time the second photo is taken. I do agree with you though, almost anyone could make a transformation like that.

 

Seriously though, given Vamos' confused outpouring I think the last thing he needs is a book which encourages him to think of women as 'targets'.

[Guest boo]

goDel is talking sense.

 

Also, stop looking at porn altogether and socialize more. Train your brain chemistry to like better things. You'll have a newfound sense of ambition, energy and charisma. Lol all you want at this advice, but do at least try it.

still wank?

[Candiru]

 

goDel is talking sense.

 

Also, stop looking at porn altogether and socialize more. Train your brain chemistry to like better things. You'll have a newfound sense of ambition, energy and charisma. Lol all you want at this advice, but do at least try it.

still wank?

 

Oh absolutely. But it's all about taking the unnaturally high dopamine rushes you get from porn and finding it in other, healthier ways, which does a world of good.

[vamos scorcho]

First off, thanks everyone for the advice. I hate when people single out someone as being the "best advice" and my name is not mentioned, so I am not going to do it here. You know who you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I've actually already read the Game, and I also use to browse seduction a little bit. I actually don't have anything against that stuff. I like it, and it will probably serve me someday in the future. I do think that I agree that in this case that thinking outside the box will help me more. I think maybe what I'm working through is deeper and more expansive than just "girl problems." I think it has more to do with self... being me, etc. Definitely not an easy thing to figure out but with posts in this thread I've got some nice arsenal to move forward, and I really just hope I don't get lazy. There are always going to be failures though. Life isn't exactly simple, is it? Lots of shit to sort through, long process. Baby steps, always baby steps.

[zkreso]

I used to read "game" literature for advice as well but I realized I don't actually have the balls to try any of it, which is what my problem is in the first place.

[ambermonk]

I had a similar struggle when I was 23, having trouble figuring out how to approach women and what the proper interaction with them might be.

And I agree with what Candiru said about abstaining from porn. There's really nothing to be gained from it in the end. If anything, it does even more harm to one's self-esteem.

Opting for a healthier lifestyle - eating healthier, being more social, being more positive and open-minded - might make you a more attractive person overall. But that's not to say you should give up the type of music and games you enjoy.

Also, I find when it comes to social gatherings, a couple of beers are a good social lubricant. I'm not suggesting you get shit-faced, but at least a little bit helps quell shyness.

[keltoi]

How is making friendships a game? How do you win or lose?

 

And that guy aged a bit, shaved his head and put a tshirt over a dress shirt. Where's the transformation? Oh yeah he got money and vacuous bitches (the type receptive to game players) love money.

[CharlesWatkins]

Kind of a blog post. Whatever!

 

OK I don't know to what degree the word "serious" in the title can be taken as a joke, "ha ha," or not, but here goes:

 

There is a girl in one of the classes I'm taking who I am at least slightly interested in. I am aware of her. If I am honest with myself, I like her and am interested in knowing more about her, but I am also aware that I can't seem to love another. It's a fucking learning experience for everyone (love), no? Something you learn to do, that takes work? Not everything needs so much pressure at the start (acceptance, openness, etc)? No shit, right... I noticed that I think maybe she liked me, or found me interesting or worthy of note. We hadn't spoken though we'd been in the same class, but then we talked to each other over drinks with some other kids a few weeks ago, and that is when I really talked to her and became "aware" of her. And after that, nil.

 

That night, I found out that the main friend I knew, who had invited me (they all had been hanging out already) actually had a crush on her, and was trying to get with her. Now, I felt that I had noticed that she had taking a liking to me that night, and I genuinely had a liking for her. But I am totally unable to act on these things, always, every time. Furthermore, if you can't tell already, I can't seem to organize the various aspects of things in order to make sense of them. For instance: I like the girl, my friend likes her, put it out of your mind. OK for most people, right? Not me, I somehow lose track of what's causing me anxiety and I over-complicate it: I really want a relationship, I want to be the kind of person who can do that, but something in me just... pushes it away. I reject the other and I just find it easier to stay away. So this, coupled with knowing that this guy wanted to be with her, made me avoid it. And for me, lacking social grace, the easiest way to avoid is to just totally shut it out.

 

And this is the rather painful start of my problem, I still am in the class with her, and I haven't spoken to her since. Or anyone that was there that night, who I had a good time with. I always sit away from them, and leave the class immediately. NOW THIS REALLY CAN'T JUST BE BLAMED ON ME, NO? Because, now that I think of it, I have locked eyes with them, and it wasn't just me who had that blank "I don't know you" look on their face. Then again, it could be blamed on me, because I walk into the class and just sit far away from them and say nothing, and avoid looking at them. Pathetic, in some ways. But can't someone fucking understand why this might happen!?!?!? What a grey area. I can tell this has built up a certain awkward pain in the situation, and really don't know what to do about it at this point. It's laughable honestly. I'm just extremely shy, and this shyness manifests itself in a kind of aloofness where I just find it easier to exit very quickly. And I don't doubt they have a certain kind of shyness. I think I am building this up a little too much in my head. But I think it is understandable to have difficulty mixing situations. The social world and the classroom represent two very distinct realities and I act differently inside both of them.

 

The sad thing is, inside me I feel a very romantic person. I love women in the way that I want them to experience more things. I want to show them things and adventure and bring out the best in myself. There is so much I want to say and express that I think of when I am alone. But when I am there in the reality... I feel like if I could just clear away the bullshit and be myself, everything would be awesome...it always gets lost in some social confusion or in the technical aspects of social grace. And the sort of "dominance" you have to place over other guys which makes them resent you. Confidence. Disregard. That kind of behavior hurts me. I don't like to treat people like that. But most people don't give it a second thought. And that is frustrating. It always seems that I am friends with someone who "gets the girl" when I am often empty handed, or better said: alone. I know I should just be alone, and have no "friends." That is what makes a person a man, an "alpha" (someone who is attractive to most women) - when he has enough respect and love for himself that he doesn't need to be tied down by the bullshit "friendships" that happen between men. Friendship is pretty rare as it were. No expectations should ever be held, no obligation or desire to please. I would be better if I was truly a lone ranger, a person with enough strength to live as I am and to let others follow or whatever. I need to read up on what it really means to have self-esteem, confidence.

 

Still, I am alone. It hurts me to sit and think of what could have been, if I had done something differently. If I had put myself out there, and tried harder to open up, to REALLY open up, not in the whole phony "I'm trying to open up now" way. Because the best part of myself is the part that is deepest. The most hidden. I just want to throw everything off of myself and just let myself BE, and let myself live how I deserve to live: in relationship with other people. Learning about other people. But in the end the only image left in my mind is just me, alone, looking at the other person in disdain, without acceptance or love. I just can't seem to connect, I'm always at the risk of dropping out and leaving the other person there, anyone who trusts me.

 

"but there's always more... there is more." I need to learn how to be confident, responsible, respectful, and self-determining. And to be alone in the way that is healthy, where I am OK with it. Where I don't feel weird, but am comfortable in my own skin, as I am. Where I learn to see all that shit my mom said to me as a kid was just her own weird neurosis, and that when I hear echoes of that voice in the people around me, well, to take it with a serious grain of salt. That kind of voice can cut you at the lowest level, the part that is unseen. It undermines the very fabric of your every action, striking at the absolute roots of your existence and being. It is beyond the conscious mind. Your life becomes a self fulfilling prophecy... you become the "disgusting thing" she made you think you were. But you, are somewhere else, no? You are not insane, weird, bad, stupid, evil, disgusting, a shithead, a little piece of shit, etc. You are like everyone else. Worthy. But just as soon you can forget, and become that thing. I just want this to stop...

spoken like a true virgin

[beerwolf]

Give up porn?

 

I think porn and a good hand shandy is all good. Though staring at it for days on end is probably very bad for you.

 

Something about recommending to read books on the subject of pulling women seems a bit absurd and a bit ironic, as thats probably half the problem in the first place. Some things you can't learn no matter how much you stick your nose in a book.

[awepittance]

 

but as they say 'hate the player, not the game'

heh, actually it's the opposite: "don't hate the player, hate the game." Meaning don't hate on those more successful, hate the entire construct of mating rituals...if you want to. But yeah.

 

lol

[ambermonk]

spoken like a true virgin

 

You hatin' bro?

[chim]

Yeah I was basically repeating/expounding what keltoi said.

 

The game/seduction, and I used to be into that stuff, while it emphasizes building up confidence which is a good thing, teaches a mostly unnecessary methodology that can result in any amount of embarassment when applied to the thinking of an aspiring but unexperienced womanizer. All of the necessary stuff is in your bones already, making a philosophy out of it is retarded. That and it tries to reduce the experience of social interaction into a game and objectify women. Most of the "player gurus" are not as successful on the field as they'd like you to think, and like another poster said, they go after a very specific set of women that you'd probably not want to touch with a very long pole. But if that's your thing, you're just looking to get laid, go for it.

 

I mean, looking at some of the blog posts that r/seduction links to, it astounds me that some people genuinely believe that it is in the specific phrases that you use. Do women even listen to words? Or that a rule for kissing is when they are in a ten-inch radius of your face. What the fuck?

[CharlesWatkins]

 

spoken like a true virgin

 

You hatin' bro?

 

no its quite endearing actually. reminds me of when i wasn't an old man.

[skotosa]

Well dam I'm 22 and I used to feel exactly like Vamos between 18-20 then around 21 I just told myself when its time, its time and to not to sweat it, but I guess that is easier said than done for some.

 

I have a feeling that people in this forum tend to be more introverted (I most certainly am) and with being introverted its common to beat yourself up for not acting on the premise of grand missed opportunities. Like shit who knows what awesome relationship me and her could have had if I had just done something about it. After this happened to me a few time I just said fuck it, I'm not going to beat myself up over this crap, for what? So as a result I've only been in one relationship in my life and that isn't a bad thing. Nor is it bad if you've never been in any. It doesn't mean you won't find someone. It can be frustrating but you aren't really happy with yourself if you can't stand missing those supposed missed opportunity and be ok with being alone. This is all probably the result of nature telling us to fuck and make babies which really just means fuck. So if you didn't fuck nature punishes us with saying dam boy you should have fucked lol.

 

I've also been told countless times to read the game. After researching the book I get the idea but I find it difficult to execute and very childish.

[Candiru]

It's true that a lot of that game stuff seems even worse than being socially awkward. When reading those books, you can really tell what clueless dorks those guys were/are. The fact that they don't care who they are fucking as long as they fall for the pre-meditated routine says a lot about them.

 

Want to meet girls? Get in adventures, go places. Live it up so that you'll have stories worth telling. When you have interesting experiences, you'll be as receptive to a girls charms as they will be towards you.

[Diabrotikos]

 

spoken like a true virgin

 

You hatin' bro?

 

No hatin, but vamos, you sound like you are spendin too much time thinking of what is the right thing to do, but you don't act. And maybe it's because you are a virgin, or you have a limited experience being intimate with women. So, your main problem is fear. You have to realise that you don't have much to loose. You will certainly get hurt emotionnaly at one point or another, but it's a part of the process, and it will never be really serious in the end. Girls/relationships are really not the most difficult things to get in life, i'm more worried about finding a job and a house at the moment. Look around you : there are people who are ugly, with no job, ect... and they still get married, or at least have sex. So why you, vamos, should be the one who can't have that ? Answer is : you're not that awfully special, or unique. You will succeed, but you have to stop being a whiny little bitch.

 

If you have read "The Game" or stuff like that, you should know by now : don't worship women, or one woman. In the end, they are just like us : they want to spend good and interesting times, and sex. And you don't have to be Brad Pitt, cause they ain't Angelina Jolie.

 

There is a time to think and analyse, and there's a time to act and try out. Think of it as an experiment. But be careful of bias confirmation :

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

[skotosa]

Or...

 

[Cryptowen]

who needs humans when u can make trax

[vamos scorcho]

So I talked to my friend today and apparently they started dating this week. And apparently she is an insane Christian virgin and her family is going to be "hazing" him to see if they can date. And if he fails this long series of hazing they will not be dating, kissing, or having sex. LOL.

 

Here is the lesson learned for me from this: think less, cling less, care less, worry less, and let things happen. Don't even think about shit unless it's going on there in the moment. All good love affairs come from nowhere and have no premeditation. For me to even reflect on this to this degree after it was over is a sign that I am WAY overthinking things. I need to let go and worry about myself, in the moment, and what I'm doing. Not thinking about the past or the future. Seriously, this is a real lesson for me. Awesome!

who needs humans when u can make trax

I agree with this but the very absolute best music I have made was made after a short relationship. All that energy built up was discharged over a very short period of time and made what I still consider my best music. Adventure and love are important I think for making good stuff.

[ambermonk]

So I talked to my friend today and apparently they started dating this week. And apparently she is an insane Christian virgin and her family is going to be "hazing" him to see if they can date. And if he fails this long series of hazing they will not be dating, kissing, or having sex. LOL.

 

LOL indeed. Sounds like you're actually better off right now.

 

Plenty of fish!

[chim]

So I talked to my friend today and apparently they started dating this week. And apparently she is an insane Christian virgin and her family is going to be "hazing" him to see if they can date. And if he fails this long series of hazing they will not be dating, kissing, or having sex. LOL.

BULLET:

 

NOT DODGED [ ]

DODGED [x]

Here is the lesson learned for me from this: think less, cling less, care less, worry less, and let things happen. Don't even think about shit unless it's going on there in the moment. All good love affairs come from nowhere and have no premeditation.

Wisdom.

For me to even reflect on this to this degree after it was over is a sign that I am WAY overthinking things. I need to let go and worry about myself, in the moment, and what I'm doing. Not thinking about the past or the future. Seriously, this is a real lesson for me. Awesome!

Yeah, it is a lesson that we all have to learn. It's the most important one. Don't underestimate that kind of thing!

who needs humans when u can make trax

Need something to feed that creative spirit, chaotic interactions seems to do the trick for me

[Candiru]

Yeah. sucks for your friend. But whenever I meet one of these pastor's daughter Christian girls, I want to make them cum stupid hard and think "Gosh! So that's why people like sinning so much!"