Guest pafr Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Rebeca changed my whole perspective of what having fun is like hanging out. I've never met anyone in my life who's as fun to hang out with as her. She always has the coolest ideas and funnest activities to do, and they don't cost a dime, like pulling pranks on people, talking about interesting things. Ever since then I've always felt everyone else is boring as fuck. It also made me want to socialize with boring people less. I'd rather read or surf the web or play video games instead. Most people aren't creative enough to find fun things to do. All they know is the mundane activities of going to the bar, being a wall flower at a dance club, playing video games, or do drugs. When I was hanging out with groups of kids like Rachel and Max, it seems the guys were there mainly because of the girls, and the girls were there because of the guys. Nobody did anything fun. While the guys were playing video games at the apartment, the girls were just browsing facebook on their phone. People really don't know how to have fun. Once you meet someone who's creative, it really kills your motivation to socialize with boring people. Like what do you guys do when you hang out with your friends? It seems people who do drugs, the funnest thing they do is drugs, and there isn't much fun social interactions, just the fun from doing drugs. Other than doing drugs and having sex together, are there any other motivations for people to socialize together? Aaron and those group of people seemed to be better, at least they had interesting things to talk about. I guess it comes down to intelligence really. I get bored of people so easily. When I'm hanging out with fucktards, they are just so fucking boring, and it seems those fucktards are completely fine with each other. Miraculously, they are not bored of each other. Well, I guess that's part of the definition of being a fucktard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Also, my recent depression was also largely due to people's pressure for me to have sex. When nobody was pressuring me and nobody knew I was a virgin, I was living a very happy life. I wasn't worried about getting laid, and I always found fun things to do. But once everyone found out that I was a virgin and was urging me to get laid, I started getting anxious and depressed. It really lowered my self-esteem. I felt really bad about myself for not getting laid. People pointed finger at me and made me feel pathetic. It makes sense that I should probably try to get laid, just for the experience sake. But they don't understand that I never thought of it as very important. It's fine if it happens, but I never thought it was worth my time and effort just to get laid. I've always hated the idea that everyone in our society is suppose to pair up, marry and have kids. Why do they have to? Is it ok if I don't do that? I've always been perfectly happy just by myself. I remember, when I was in 8th grade, I wrote that I never want to get married for some assignment or something. When people read that, they were surprised, and didn't understand. I didn't understand why people have to or want to get married. If it's the sex, then go have sex. Makes sense to marry if you want kids, but why do people want kids? I don't get it. Now I don't give a fuck about being a virgin anymore. People can fuck themselves if they are trying to make me feel bad about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peace 7 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Wanting sex is like wanting to do art or something like that-- if the drive isn't there, it isn't there. If you want to perhaps experience a heightened libido, do heavy squats, mang. Totally up your testosterone. My libido is generally okay, but when I go to the gym regularly, I feel like a caveman or someshit, and every woman looks insanely yumz. Just brain chemz, man. Don't mean a thang... That being said, I do perceive everything differently at times of low testosterone, compared to relatively high times (achieved by proper diet, sleep, exercise). Low testosterone=depression, low drive, generally feeling like shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A/D Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Wanting sex is like wanting to do art or something like that-- if the drive isn't there, it isn't there. I agree with this, and also, having sex when you don't want to is a bad idea. I feel like dudes are always expected to want sex in general US culture. I'm kind of a delicate flower and I ended up having sex (within a long term relationship) that I didn't want to have and it made sex really confusing for a while. Low sex drive definitely can come from depression too, so it could be a symptom of something bigger that needs help. But if you don't want sex..don't do it. It won't be good for you or the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING WRONG!!!! When I'm depressed my libido goes off the roof. I was masturbating at least 2-3 times a day last month and earlier this month when I was super depressed. I WANT to lower my libido because having the sex drive and not having sex is fucking annoying as fuck. I don't want to spend the time and effort to find someone to have sex with, so I end up masturbating. Masturbation to me is the same as cleaning the pipes. It's a chore, a rather enjoyable chore. But I find it rather annoying. I'd prefer to focus on doing fun activities without having to worry about taking care of my sex drive. At least my body chemistry is very different from yours. Also my perspective is quite different from the norm. I'd prefer if my sex drive is completely gone. I see my libido as a curse, rather than a gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I don't even understand why anyone would want to increase their sex drive. You people seriously have nothing better to do in life. I'm so fucking sick and bored of having orgasms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Peace 7 sounds like he knows everything about me, giving me relationship advice regarding making tracks, and now tells me about what my libido should be like. Who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ego Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I've had some of the same bitter ideas a few years ago. Pushing away my urges and needs out of frustration with perceived contradictions or how the system and humanity seems unfair and broken. Like some sort of protest against my true nature and reality. But that way of thinking was not the way to be happy and content, even if there might be some truth to the perspective. One of the most important mental switches for me was removing my judging prejudice that the gap between me and most people is too large to form a meaningful connection. My approach these days is that I can have a meaningful connection with everyone. Even people that are different and strange to me. Even if it's not true, you get so much more out of life because of the doors you open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allize Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Pafr Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllll bro.Chiiiiiil..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Indeed, I need perspective change. I'm currently going through that. One thing that I'm afraid of is once I start having sex, I'll probably get out of control and will probably have too much sex. I have a tendency that once I start something, I'll go all out with it. Having too much sex probably isn't a bad idea. Orgasm by myself is rather boring, that's why I'm kinda sick and bored of it. The problem is when you do something that involves others, it's rather cumbersome and irritating. I can't stand most people. I'm too fucked up for most people. Also being a hikikomori makes you even more fucked up. I don't have multiple personality disorder, but my personality has never been fixed. It has always been very flexible, like if I really want to become extroverted, then I can. Right now I'm too shut-in so I'm rather introverted, etc. etc. etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenprol Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 lol, dupe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goDel Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Cheers guys. If you let go of everything in the universe and concentrate yourself totally to one and only one object Yeah, see I've realized this is something I'm naturally inclined to just do. Like any time I'm working on a mix or composing music or playing an instrument, I am entirely absorbed by that and I really am not thinking of anything else. same thing when I'm eating a meal, or doing something I like, or even just responding to this message. I remember telling my friend about this waaay back, but I was actually venting about how my mind was abnormal which made it difficult to fit in with other people. I felt very alienated at the time, like I literally could not have a normal exchange with another person in a way that wasn't completely awkward. Like there was this unbreakable barrier between me and the rest of the world. Anyway... getting extremely sidetracked here. My point was that he responded by saying that the state of mind I was in naturally was the state that other people tried to get to through focused meditation. Of course, in my case it wasn't quite working out at the time, but that's because I was trying to figure out how to do the opposite. I was trying to kickstart my mind into being a million other places at once, to create this continual internal monologue that other people took for granted. (I didn't realize that it was abnormal to not have that until i reached my 20's, after which point all my previous difficulties with socializing made a lot of sense.) Anyway, I eventually did manage to kickstart that constant internal monologue, which eventually lead to mania (after this long depressive slump), which lead to an unbelievable bizarre series of events that I won't go into. Long story short, I came out of all of that I pretty well adjusted person. I can now see some of my "defects" as useful tools. Probably the most useful one is being able to stay in the present moment. But it is also a hindrance because I am practically unable to plan for the future in order to achieve long term goals. I also don't get excited about anything, though I can be ecstatic about great things that are happening as they happen. But like, if I'm going to see a show by a favorite artist, or going on some major trip to a new city, I feel almost no anticipation for it. Like I know intellectually that it's going to happen, and I'm glad about that, but I don't feel the excitement leading up to the event that most other people would. It's pretty funny actually... continual internal monologue that other people took for grantedwait waitMy brain, it's like a constant flux between the perception mind (oh there's a cloud there's a car sound there's a rain smell) and the conception mind (memories, ideas), & most of the time they blend together into this free association train of thought*, coloured by whatever I'm currently experiencing emotionally and physically. There'll be moments of hyper-awareness (oh shit oh fuck almost fell down the stairs), & moments of total detachment from reality (daydreaming), but generally speaking it's this interplay of the two. And in moments of deep meditation or stonedness the distinction between the two becomes very clear & you can do all sorts of neat shit with it *is that the "internal monologue" of which you speak? That's certainly part of it. Specifically I am referring to a sort of verbal narration occurring in a person's head. A lot of the time, I don't have that. Like I'm aware of what's going on, and I can be performing certain tasks quite capably, but more often than not there is no inner conversation taking place as I'm doing these things. If someone asks me what I'm thinking about, I won't know what to tell them. This is one reason I think I took to music as easily as I did, because the creation of it requires no language whatsoever. You can just think in rhythms, melodies, chordal structures etc. But switching from that mode to social interaction mode requires quite a considerable shift in how I'm using my brain. Like if I go from spending 8 hours of thinking entirely in melody/rhythm/EQ to having a conversation, it might take a great deal of effort to convey ideas in language since I've been out of that mode for so long. Pretty much from grade 5 until the end of high school, that was my main state of being --thinking without language except when necessary, like working on a writing assignment or whatever. Conversation was like the most alien, uncomfortable situation for me back then. The frustrating thing was that if I wrote something, I could convey ideas very clearly, and other people would find it interesting, but I seldom could apply those same skills to basic human interaction. Which sounds sad... and it was. But towards the end of highschool I found some people who could see past that, which helped me break out of my shell a bit and develop more of a regular persona (albeit a very awkward one... humor was my saving grace. I could make people laugh, so I used that to connect with others a lot of the time). Anyway, i'm going way off on a tangent here. Point is, I discovered at some point in there that most other people have a constant stream of narrative going through their heads that they can't shut off, unless they concentrate really hard, if even then. I had the reverse problem. But once I knew that, I made a concentrated effort to get an inner monologue going, which made having conversations a lot easier since it was more an extension of my own internal thought process. I still struggle to convey a lot of ideas I have in language that will make sense to other people... there are too many different ways to interpret one message. I'm sure lots of people reading this won't have a clue what I'm on about, and that's less a fault of theirs and more due to a clumsy use of language on my part. Awesome posts, Zephyr_nova. Thanks. Especially the part about thinking without language. It can feel so bodged to think with language, but it's useful and often necessary in this social world. This feeling often is a bit of an alienating experience. Mostly because in the social world almost everything seems like language, but the funny thing is that to a degree everyone will recognise it. Or at least, everyone with a sense of self-reflection... But the struggle to get your ideas/feelings out there effectively is a daily thing for many people. Well, for me it is. And by believing the same holds for many, I shield myself from alienation. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pafr Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I will probably retire from the electronic music community. There are only a selective few artists in electronic music, especially IDM, that I like. I enjoy mostly classical music, and some jazz, and some IDM. I've learned that my taste in music doesn't really fit the electronic music community of listeners. I feel more at home with classical music lovers. Goodbye friends. Take good care of yourselves and each other. I'll still try to be somewhat active on here, and I'll post any future work I make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marf Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Also, my recent depression was also largely due to people's pressure for me to have sex. When nobody was pressuring me and nobody knew I was a virgin, I was living a very happy life. I wasn't worried about getting laid, and I always found fun things to do. But once everyone found out that I was a virgin and was urging me to get laid, I started getting anxious and depressed. It really lowered my self-esteem. I felt really bad about myself for not getting laid. People pointed finger at me and made me feel pathetic. It makes sense that I should probably try to get laid, just for the experience sake. But they don't understand that I never thought of it as very important. It's fine if it happens, but I never thought it was worth my time and effort just to get laid. I've always hated the idea that everyone in our society is suppose to pair up, marry and have kids. Why do they have to? Is it ok if I don't do that? I've always been perfectly happy just by myself. I remember, when I was in 8th grade, I wrote that I never want to get married for some assignment or something. When people read that, they were surprised, and didn't understand. I didn't understand why people have to or want to get married. If it's the sex, then go have sex. Makes sense to marry if you want kids, but why do people want kids? I don't get it. Now I don't give a fuck about being a virgin anymore. People can fuck themselves if they are trying to make me feel bad about it. woah, im getting old. virgins on watmm. i say dont worry about it. sex is great, but make sure you do it for the right reasons. like enjoying the experience with someone you really vibe with. never conflate sex with pressure or having to prove yourself. you wont get hard. Ill tell you about the kids thing. Some men like the idea of having kids, but its really the women that have a biological burning desire to bear children and the men just usually go along with the ride because they are in love with their wife. Why marry? Ive noticed that culture controls the majority of people on the planet to a high degree. You are abnormal if you dont get married. You arent a success if you dont get married. you are different if you arent married by a certain age. you arent following the life plan set by your culture. older single men are usually in the fuck it stage. theyve been divorced and have shed that pressure from culture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marf Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING WRONG!!!! When I'm depressed my libido goes off the roof. I was masturbating at least 2-3 times a day last month and earlier this month when I was super depressed. you might be bipolar (im going to assume you are real and not just trolling) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr_Nova Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I had that same thought. Awesome posts, Zephyr_nova. Thanks. Especially the part about thinking without language. It can feel so bodged to think with language, but it's useful and often necessary in this social world. This feeling often is a bit of an alienating experience. Mostly because in the social world almost everything seems like language, but the funny thing is that to a degree everyone will recognise it. Or at least, everyone with a sense of self-reflection... But the struggle to get your ideas/feelings out there effectively is a daily thing for many people. Well, for me it is. And by believing the same holds for many, I shield myself from alienation. ;D Cheers! Most of my ideas and feelings end up getting channeled into music I'm working on. I think it's what has kept me balanced these last 7 or so years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sine nomine Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I changed my life by putting my acid trip learnings into practice - which I haven't yet - so no, I haven't changed anything Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenprol Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 you might be bipolar (im going to assume you are real and not just trolling) why assume, heh. He seems like the dupe of a previously banned member to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goDel Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING WRONG!!!! When I'm depressed my libido goes off the roof. I was masturbating at least 2-3 times a day last month and earlier this month when I was super depressed. I WANT to lower my libido because having the sex drive and not having sex is fucking annoying as fuck. I don't want to spend the time and effort to find someone to have sex with, so I end up masturbating. Masturbation to me is the same as cleaning the pipes. It's a chore, a rather enjoyable chore. But I find it rather annoying. I'd prefer to focus on doing fun activities without having to worry about taking care of my sex drive. At least my body chemistry is very different from yours. Also my perspective is quite different from the norm. I'd prefer if my sex drive is completely gone. I see my libido as a curse, rather than a gift. Here's a lifechanger: it's not that your libido goes off the roof when you're depressed. It's that your libido goes off the roof, but because you don't have a way to get sex and feel hopelessly powerless getting it, you get depressed. It's the other way around. But you've reverse engineered it so you can blame your not having sex on your depression instead of having to blame yourself. Because blaming yourself feels more shit. More shit for two reasons. First, you cant hide from the fact that your super ego - where you think you can do everything perfectly - is just your personal bullshit factory producing crap and acknowledge you can't do everything perfect right out of the box. And second, in order to learn it, you have to face your biggest fears by putting yourself out there in situations, where you possibly fail miserably in front of a lady you really wanted to have sex with, where everyone can see you failing and you might feel you're not worth getting love from her or anyone for that matter. Of course, this is purely my own personal speculation. Because, well, you're so unique that nobody can feel like you and experience this shit the way you experience it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr_Nova Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 *edit: @ lumpy's message... Because lots of people behave erratically on message boards, and this sort of music tends to attract odd ball characters. I see no reason to think pafr's a dupe. Who does he remind you of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A/D Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah, pafr is a unique snowflake in my watmmemory.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peace 7 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Peace 7 sounds like he knows everything about me, giving me relationship advice regarding making tracks, and now tells me about what my libido should be like. Who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out please. I didn't say "should" anything. I'm sorry I assumed your lack of interest in sex was due to low libido. I guess you just don't like people, telling from your later posts. Okay, whatever you want. But working out also builds confidence, which could help with your issue. Iiii was just trying to help, yo. You state that you're a hermit who compulsively masturbates and doesn't have social skills, and you're criticizing someone for trying to help (someone who is social, has no trouble with others or the opposite sex or having sex, and general confidence). I spent years just indoors and working on tracks cuz I thought that was the shit, so I know what it's like to be a hermit and also to be depressed. So I was just trying to possibly help you better you life situation, because I've been in similar situations and am much better off for being out. So I'm sorry I offended you. Obviously, do whatever you want. Godspeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadameChaos Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I love you, MadameChaos. Aw fanks :) Sent from my C1505 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenprol Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Yeah, pafr is a unique snowflake in my watmmemory.. i guess you missed the post where he said Palace Posy reminded him of palace pussy? From what I can tell, the guy seems to be just randomly trolling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xox Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 "Getting Coke can change your life." - Arthur Schopenhauer (from Memoirs of pre-pre-Nazi Youth of Germany) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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