Guest KY Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Worth - $30. I work worked in a textbook exchange warehouse for the summer, and it sucked your soul until you became a pacified book zombie with no existence or life to look forward to except endless book toting oblivion, and one of the swing shift managers came up to me and told me to empty my pockets, so I did and immediately got terminated and got escorted out of the building. Later, I found out that some pyroretard was trying to set books on fire in the warehouse so the managers went around asking workers to empty out pockets looking for matches/lighters/etc., and I got caught at the wrong time. The Columbia PD came by and was like "I just got finished investigating a homicide and this is atleast a dozen of donuts waste of time, so imma write you a ticket and you'll have to pay some petty larceny fine if you plead guilty." Then when we got to talking about state laws and what not (cuz what else are you gunna talk to a cop about), he brought up my expunged possession charge back in '07 and as an example he used my phone as a brick of weed and how if one bought medicinal weed in cali and went to vegas with it, one'd be fucked (yea no shit). And that states can't have make penalties worse than federal penalties and blah..blah..blahhh.. But I've stolen over 100 books since I've worked there... (suck my ass missouri) . Let's see, I got caught with some anonymous erotic sexcapade journal from some guy in the 17th century who allegedly had the most sex in England (according to him), Thomas Paine's Common Sense , and Blue Mars which is like a sci fi book cuz im a geek. Basically since I don't have a prior criminal record related to extortion or theft, I'll probably be let off the hook. So now instead of buying a motorcycle I'm buying some music equipment and a nice home theater system and a hooker so I can blast David Axelrod and read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations while I get mah dick lollipopped. Fuck this is bullshit. Anyone in a different country wanna help me get a job? unless you're just working for the summer because you go to college, bad move dude lol. but you didn't like the work, which reminds me. i adopted a kitten on my lunchbreak at a boring paid internship junior year of college, brought it back to work, got some office attention, then got promptly fired within an hour. everybody does dumb shit to get themselves fired at one point or another, and in both our cases we kind of deserved it. (or needed it?) anyway, good dumb story—you're pretty cool in my book (which you better not fucking steal, motherfucker) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr lopez Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 lol this entire thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Npoess Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I really hope we're going to get a respond from this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Root5 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I used to work feeding paralyzed patients in a hospital. I used to run around the halls shooting patients with waterguns. I didn't get fired. Some of the patients brought water guns from home and battled me. I got away with a lot of shit there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fiznuthian Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I used to work feeding paralyzed patients in a hospital. I used to run around the halls shooting patients with waterguns. I didn't get fired. Some of the patients brought water guns from home and battled me. I got away with a lot of shit there. man, if i were paralyzed and had limited mobility, a watergun fight with a hospital employee would absolutely make my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobDobalina Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 man, if i were paralyzed and had limited mobility, a watergun fight with a hospital employee would absolutely make my day. Ain't that the truth Ruth! :sup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Root5 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Yeah. I livened the place up, and the patients liked it. The nurses didn't mind because I cleaned up after myself. If my supervisors knew, I would have been disciplined I'm sure (maybe not fired, but they would not have been happy). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest analogue wings Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred McGriff Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i embezzle time from my employer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springymajig Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 This has to be a troll, cos really... who has pockets that big. But if you're not trolling us: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Member Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Despite my bafflement at how you fit books in your pockets, and my annoyance that you're feeling victimized for having stolen books, and my confusion about why you didn't just go to a library, I can't help but feel amused at how little sympathy you're getting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I once stole a sweatband when I worked as a cleaner in a sports centre but I think they were free anyway. I regularly involve myself in premeditated time theft, but I could accuse my employers of the same thing so I think we have an agreement to just not sue each other and keep it moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCM Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i like how you've managed to make yourself the victim here. you sure will go far in life. lol this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spratters Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 You definately deserved getting fired for stealing books. If you wanted to steal you might as well go the whole hog and steal the company's shares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karmakramer Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 book thieving is up 500% this past year... makes it very hard to find employees that can be trustworthy... 100 books is a decent amount, but honestly I'm a bit baffled on why they fired you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Great fucking thread, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capsaicin Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Fired, but not for arson... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 The arson excuse for making you empty your pockets is a bit unnecessary considering how obvious it must have been that your pockets were crammed with novels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 4. A huge plastic mat that fits under a desk for wheeled chairs to roll on Hahahaha! Wut?! Sounds like you stole it just for the sake of stealing something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terpentintollwut Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I stole 50 identical copies of a chemistry-book from my school in '04. We built "bookland" from it and used it for a film. Was cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coalbucket PI Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 When I was at school I used to go into the library and get books and then slip them into other kids pockets so they set off the alarm on the way out. Kept getting this one lad with this series of schoolgirl mystery books that made him really embarrassed. Eventually finished off that series and put a big hardback pictorial Elton John biography in his bag, teenage asshole lols galore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terpentintollwut Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Remember there were some books in school you had to buy for yourself and some others that were just loaned to you and were always old and all beaten up looking? I was always one for making little drawings in these loaned books, I liked the idea that someone else will get to see my drawings next year. But with my French book from 9th grade, we took it too far. It started with subtle modifications of the pictures that were already in the book, but eventually, me and my friend would sit down in the afternoon, gathering all our drawing and painting equipment, I used to do ink-drawings, he did proper paintings using acrylic paint and stuff. I cut out the entire page 101/102, leaving only a 1 cm border of it. We then folded and hid the page in another double-page we labeled "The Lost Page" and glued together, after we had filled it with dead woodlice. Another page we filled with flour which would come out in little portions and powder the table every time I took the book out in class. Out of fear the book could be destroyed, I ended up never giving it back but stealing another clean copy of the book and handing that in instead. I still have the fucked book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hardcode Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 back in college i stole a computer from the bursar's office they had a kiosk set up with 4 or 5 desks with 5 or 6 computers, each one was a PIII 900mhz with about 512 mb ram. I really needed a spare machine for my router and i was poor. I unplugged all the cables from the back and sat there for a few minutes waiting to make my move. When the time came, I just got up and walked out with the box. Unfortunately the double doors that I first attempted to go through were locked, and when i tried to go through they jammed and it made this huge WHAM!! sound, and I was like SHIT! I didnt even look and just quickly went to the doors on the other side still carrying this huge box. I still got away with it though. Of course I also changed the nic card so the IT dept couldnt track it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blir Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I'm sure if we try hard we could link this injustice to Obama somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyrex Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Would it be wrong if I just changed his username to DERP? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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