Does anyone else deal with family dysfunction?

[Lane Visitor]

We were perfect until we went and saw Ghostbusters as one big happy family unit.

 

We don't talk much anymore, and it's always.. well.. awkward. It's like no one wants to be around each other, and we're just around each other because we're family and not because we actually enjoy each other's company. I did have problems sleeping for the first few weeks, then found out that it's much easier to sleep when I remember the days when my family used to skip in the fields.

 

We have this huge 20 acre expanse in our big back yard where we used to partake in the activity. It's getting harder and harder to skip back there these days as weeds have overtaken much of it. No one simply cares enough to cut them anymore. I know I don't.

 

It's as if there are weeds growing between the rift in our hearts.

 

 

 

Thats beautifully put.

 

My fiancee often asks me why I'm so into nostalgia and romanticizing about the sights and sounds and smells and feelings of certain events or times in my youth in the atmospheres i grew up in... Why im so into the novelty of yesterday... Why Im obsessed with vaporwave / 90s cheese movies... Why im so drawn to those moments of the days when things were easier...

 

Well it's because it reminds me of a time when everything was okay and we could all have fun and play and be ourselves and our family was together, crazy yes, but together and it felt safe and loving and full. It sucks that in dysfunctional families that fall apart, those feelings come to an end, and dread, stress, awkwardness, indifference, guilt, shame, etc replace those feelings and it becomes a new dark chapter. I guess maybe thats just a natural way of the universe telling you "hey, time to start your own little family", and hope that yours is less dysfunctional than the previous one.

 

Fuckin life :D

[rixxx]

 

see they even wrote a book about it

 

[usagi]

every day.

[Lane Visitor]

every day.

Sorry to hear that man. Do you live with them?

[Squee]

 

 

 

 

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

 

same

 

I can remember perhaps 2 arguments between my mum and dad in my whole life (lukewarm not heated). I heard my mum swear once in her life lol. Both my sisters are pretty cool and we all get on, though all three of us went through bad phases, me when I hit my thirties and my sisters in their teens. We don't really do extended family meetups, as aunties and uncles aren't geographically close.

 

Sorry, not much to report on the dysfunctional front.

 

 

I can't tell if you guys are lucky or if there's an actual benefit from growing up in a family that has its problems... but I guess there's a benefit to everything.

[Lane Visitor]

What I find upsetting is how little this subject matter is discussed in the general public, among friends, in the workplace, etc

It's as if society wants to try and downplay a serious issue and make a non-thing. Of course half the tv shows that exist are about family dysfunction, but done so with humor. This makes light of a very serious issue and gives the whole notion of "you have family drama issues? Hah, so does the whole world. Join the club buddy."

Aside from that narrative and people jokingly complaining about drunken holiday family drama, there's not much discourse about the reality of true family dysfunction unless its in therapy circles.

[hello spiral]

No, because it's boring and ugh

[Rubin Farr]

I moved countries.

 

Still too close though (thanks internet).

I moved continents, like the other side of the world. Still have to hear their BS on the phone.

[lala]

 

 

 

 

 

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

 

same

 

I can remember perhaps 2 arguments between my mum and dad in my whole life (lukewarm not heated). I heard my mum swear once in her life lol. Both my sisters are pretty cool and we all get on, though all three of us went through bad phases, me when I hit my thirties and my sisters in their teens. We don't really do extended family meetups, as aunties and uncles aren't geographically close.

 

Sorry, not much to report on the dysfunctional front.

 

 

I can't tell if you guys are lucky or if there's an actual benefit from growing up in a family that has its problems... but I guess there's a benefit to everything.

 

 

I think its quite a bit more complicated than simple black & white, every situation is different. I did discuss this at length with my ex, she said I'm the calmest person she knew, she thought this was related.  

[caze]

What I find upsetting is how little this subject matter is discussed in the general public, among friends, in the workplace, etc

It's as if society wants to try and downplay a serious issue and make a non-thing. Of course half the tv shows that exist are about family dysfunction, but done so with humor. This makes light of a very serious issue and gives the whole notion of "you have family drama issues? Hah, so does the whole world. Join the club buddy."

Aside from that narrative and people jokingly complaining about drunken holiday family drama, there's not much discourse about the reality of true family dysfunction unless its in therapy circles.

 

good, the correct way to deal with these problems is to not talk about them. also, not to go to therapy. but that's just me.

[usagi]

yeah, that's just you.

[beerwolf]

I think by a country mile I'm the black sheep of the family lol. I have to say though not dysfunctional I am slightly on my own planet. Which is fine in my book. Most of the time the planet exists in a good atmosphere.

 

From what I've been told our family does have a mild to medium alcoholic thing going on, a few aunties and uncles like their booze. Same as my mum, dad and one sister (the other has always been mostly tea total). But the serious edge never (though sometimes with me) appears because we all got loads of interests and hobbies which we are really into.

 

I can assure you if you came round my house, sat in the garden with my family and had a good drink you'd have a great time. Which thinking about it, I'm rather proud of. I have really great friends though who do come from dysfunctional backgrounds who are sound as pound. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Squee]

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

 

same

 

I can remember perhaps 2 arguments between my mum and dad in my whole life (lukewarm not heated). I heard my mum swear once in her life lol. Both my sisters are pretty cool and we all get on, though all three of us went through bad phases, me when I hit my thirties and my sisters in their teens. We don't really do extended family meetups, as aunties and uncles aren't geographically close.

 

Sorry, not much to report on the dysfunctional front.

 

 

I can't tell if you guys are lucky or if there's an actual benefit from growing up in a family that has its problems... but I guess there's a benefit to everything.

 

 

I think its quite a bit more complicated than simple black & white, every situation is different. I did discuss this at length with my ex, she said I'm the calmest person she knew, she thought this was related.  

 

 

I know, I know...

[Lane Visitor]

 

What I find upsetting is how little this subject matter is discussed in the general public, among friends, in the workplace, etc

It's as if society wants to try and downplay a serious issue and make a non-thing. Of course half the tv shows that exist are about family dysfunction, but done so with humor. This makes light of a very serious issue and gives the whole notion of "you have family drama issues? Hah, so does the whole world. Join the club buddy."

Aside from that narrative and people jokingly complaining about drunken holiday family drama, there's not much discourse about the reality of true family dysfunction unless its in therapy circles.

 

good, the correct way to deal with these problems is to not talk about them. also, not to go to therapy. but that's just me.

 

 

 

I mean that's an option, i don't think there's a "correct" way. Everyone has their own preferences for dealing. There is something to be said about letting things be. In my case, I've been keeping things chill all my life until the last few years. My anxiety is set off too strong lately to not take action, as its been actually debilitating, so I've been trying a number of things. 

[Brisbot]

Don't listen to Caze, he's leading you astray. All he's good with are rubber bands, not feeeeelings.

Truth is you should talk about it, but not to WATMM. Maybe to family you're more close to than the ones you have problems with. Maybe do go to a therapist. 

I hope one day you're able to skip along the vales and hills with your family again. 

[Lane Visitor]

Don't listen to Caze, he's leading you astray. All he's good with are rubber bands, not feeeeelings.

 

Truth is you should talk about it, but not to WATMM. Maybe to family you're more close to than the ones you have problems with. Maybe do go to a therapist. 

 

I hope one day you're able to skip along the vales and hills with your family again. 

 

 

Haha thanks Brisbot.. Yeah I have a pretty wide range of support in my life, from my fiancee to friends to other family, to an actual therapist I see from time to time. I really wanted to open the dialogue here at watmm to see what other people may be dealing with. I know it's taboo or maybe ya know "akwaaaard" for some people, but ya know, that's where the money's at. Judging from the response of this thread so far, I think there are a good amount of people that do want to talk about it. I understand this is a music thread, but I mean, we are still people too, and family is one of the biggest topics in the world. could be more valuable to have a little discussion on it than the samey "I wish AE would put out stuff like Amber again". 

 

And just for the record, the intention of this thread wasn't to go into detail about the specific issues I'm dealing with to seek help. It was to bring up the subject in more of a general sense and see what the general consensus was of fellow electronic music fans/producers. I'm sure we have a lot more in common than we probably know.

[Ragnar]

as I've mentioned my brother is a huge conspiracy dude, so I simply avoid talking about politics or science and it goes pretty smoothly (cause in his mind THE NEWS ISN'T REAL SCIENCE ISN'T REAL)... actually the latter is a problem because he probably is dubious about digital signal processing in some weird way (FFT can't melt steel .wav files)

[Echolalia]

Crack addiction reared it's smokey lung consumed head into my family, to the point where everyone in the family was/is manipulated to be some sort of money machine and bail out time and time again. The person also has a really high interest in conspiracy theories and is incapable of having a rational conversation. Still the person looks after my father who is 80 years old and in need of 24hr care so it's not all bad. 

[MadameChaos]

My mum is not currently speaking to me. I'm not entirely sure why but I gather its got something to do with the fact I'm still speaking to my cousin who she's fallen out with.

[Adieu]

 

 

 

Your family needs MDMA

That would be awesome. Wish they had the self-awareness and courage to turn inward and face their issues. The idea of therapy still carries a stigma for them and even the mere mention of meditation is like a silly concept. What's weird is that I consider them intelligent and progressive (well not politically), and cultured and everything. Still, they act like bratty children on the regular.

Yeah I talk about weed, meditation, yoga, and other introspective approaches like psychedelics and it's met with a very programmed sort of reaction generally.

 

I did talk about mescaline with my stepdad once and he seemed very enthusiastic.

 

It's just that for most of them given what they've experienced through their lives they don't really approach the drugs with the same mindset younger folks do now.

I know what you mean.. Its like they almost throw self awareness, therapy, meditation, self actualization, mindfulness and intentional living in with the same "bracket" as weed, lsd, pachouli, psychedelic music, hippies and polygamy like its some kind of novelty, gimmicky thing or phase. theyll say stuff like "yeah ya know ive done that stuff in my day, i was already into that whole stuff, but you go through it and then you grow up... At the end of the day, ya gotta come back to reality and go to work and do the laundry and put food on the table. Be successful, help your family, be a good person etc etc and youll be fine"

 

Its like the equivalent of us later generation acting as if interconnectedness of the 90s generation was just a craze of the 90s/00s cuz ya know we used the internet a lot, but then "got over it".

 

Honestly, FUCK that generation of the majority of them are still after all this time gonna remain mostly ignorant, stuck in their ways, traditionalist, subscribing to hierarchal authority, materialist, homophobic, bible thumping, racist, mysogynist, emotionally out of touch, status quo bullshit embracing, fearmongering mentally ill pricks. There I said, fuck our parents/grandparents' generation.

 

Oh and this: mad props to us for withstanding our dysfunctional ass families and rising above the bullshit and surviving and not becoming lunatics ourselves.

 

 

Totally agree with that, but you can't discount the huge advantage having the internet and a much freer flow of information

 

It seems so many of them buckled mentally under the propaganda and establishment nonsense that was fed to them

 

It's weird even with my dad.

 

He meditates every single morning for an hour, but still smoke cigarettes and drinks coffee, but thinks things like weed, psychedelics, etc. are making yourself "impure"

 

I've seen both my parents coming around though. They pick up a lot of the stuff we say, but there is a lot of pride to get passed as well so having the right approach is super important. Leading by example is even more so

[Lane Visitor]

My mum is not currently speaking to me. I'm not entirely sure why but I gather its got something to do with the fact I'm still speaking to my cousin who she's fallen out with.

 

 

Oh fuck, that's rough. I feel for you. It's pretty heart-wrenching when family members team up and create "sides", especially with younger generations like cousins. It's happening to me right now, I mean its always been like that, but this might be the peak of ganging up and bullying that I've witnessed with my family. I hope you can one day re-connect with you mom, of course if that's what you hope for. 

[Bechuga]

I used to, but then I moved out and since then my life has been peachy.

 

Not joking, my family just loves arguing over loud television and I can say my life is so much better not having to be near it. Letting the family members I like visit for tea and cookies is good enough family time for me.

 

Plus the benefit of moving out is I don't have to speak to my cunt of an older brother again, who still lives at home and will likely do so forever. Good riddance you fat chinless bastard!

[KovalainenFanBoy]

[cwmbrancity]

My family is a bit of a sanctuary tbh, you can tell em anything, from weighing in on relationships eg: "your gf is a cunt", to any help whenever it might be needed (often pre-emptive), to telling you you're also "a proper cunt, cos of X, Y & Z". Directness guaranteed.

 

The old man is dead. A bear of a bloke, but gentle, wise & exceptionally funny. He could rip the piss in any situation, even his own monstrous end. Me Ma did ambulance duty during The Troubles, so not a lot phases her. She rarely drinks & is prob 1 of the sanest, sharp-minded people you could hope to meet. 2 younger bros, both matured well barring the odd wobble.

 

Far far more ups than downs & may the gods keep them all safe from harm.

[Lane Visitor]

My family is a bit of a sanctuary tbh, you can tell em anything, from weighing in on relationships eg: "your gf is a cunt", to any help whenever it might be needed (often pre-emptive), to telling you you're also "a proper cunt, cos of X, Y & Z". Directness guaranteed.

 

The old man is dead. A bear of a bloke, but gentle, wise & exceptionally funny. He could rip the piss in any situation, even his own monstrous end. Me Ma did ambulance duty during The Troubles, so not a lot phases her. She rarely drinks & is prob 1 of the sanest, sharp-minded people you could hope to meet. 2 younger bros, both matured well barring the odd wobble.

 

Far far more ups than downs & may the gods keep them all safe from harm.

 

 

That sounds like a solid fam, definitely don't take that for granted. :)