Aphex Twin jazz band covers aphex twin!

[GORDO]

uh yeah im going insane uh ah uh ah.

 

as I said, it doesn't really matter. But i'm right anyway.

[Alzado]

Gordo, i saw an ad for you on craigslist:

 

Fem gay seeks faggot noob for mutual jazzband

[Dan C]

A+

 

Would read again

[Velazquez]

This thread is incomplete without my vintage mspaint of Neil Diamond's "Jazz Singer" vs Aphex twin.

[essines]

actually, to be honest, i don't recall jazzband existing past last week

[Guest abusivegeorge]

actually, to be honest, i don't recall jazzband existing past last week

 

Yea I started it saying it last week, and it just caught on.

[kakapo]

GORDO is actually right about this.

 

Idiots.

[encey]

I hadn't looked at this page in weeks, and all of a sudden I was like "how the fuck could a discussion of 'jazzband covers Aphex Twin' take up four pages?" Now I see.

 

I think it's at least fair to say that the Bad Plus' "Flim" cover is a necessary enabling condition for the phrase 'jazzband,' even if it gained customary use in response to posts about Alarm Will Sound. Is that a fair compromise? It was in response to Alarm Will Sound but could not have been the phrase 'jazzband' were it not for a prior familiarity with the Bad Plus cover ... :undecided:

 

[Fred McGriff]

this could be easily solved if joyrex could load up the posts from the backups before the server crashes

[GORDO]

he could, he said he has some backups. but it will never happen i guess.

 

I hadn't looked at this page in weeks, and all of a sudden I was like "how the fuck could a discussion of 'jazzband covers Aphex Twin' take up four pages?" Now I see.

 

I think it's at least fair to say that the Bad Plus' "Flim" cover is a necessary enabling condition for the phrase 'jazzband,' even if it gained customary use in response to posts about Alarm Will Sound. Is that a fair compromise? It was in response to Alarm Will Sound but could not have been the phrase 'jazzband' were it not for a prior familiarity with the Bad Plus cover ... :undecided:

 

yes

[kakapo]

I actually haven't got a clue, I just wanted to champion the underdog.

[Fred McGriff]

refer to zaphod's hitchhiker's guide to watmm, the definitive handbook to understanding watmm. question 2 in the QnA section.

 

Hello new person! Read the rules, then throw them out the window! Watmm is like Australia. No rules, just right.

 

Here, check out this handy guide I wrote as a special gift, exclusive and free with your trial membership!

 

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO WATMM

 

A Little History Lesson

 

There was Eru, the One, who shat a great baby into the sky, and it was called the 303, and from it came a mighty sound, the sound of music, though some would not call it music but would call it bleeps, or even bloops, and sometimes the music that issued forth was a pure sine wave, and it was this music that was heard by the angels, and they called it electronic music, the purest form of music, and for some time the 303 was glad.

From his bosom he birthed many Lords of the Dance, and they were Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Boards of Canada, µ-ziq, and in a coughing fit wherein he could not pronounce the name clearly and concisely, Autechre.

For eons the music of the Lords of the Dance fell upon tin ears, for many humans preferred the sound of the lute or the glockenspiel, but then in the last age a group of drug addicts and sociopaths heard the music and it filled their heads with bliss. This group argued for many years over a name for the music and many shook their heads at suggestions like electronica, electronic music, dance, braindance and even the holy name itself, electronic music. And so it was that two factions formed to document the origins of this music and the creator. The first group was lead by a blind Swede named Phobiazero, and that group is now known as That Other Site™ and they smell bad. The other group was once called Joyrex, lead by the fool king Joyrex, but now is known as Watmm. And that is how this place came to be.

 

Members

The first thing people say when they come to Watmm is “Wow, there are lots of people not posting here!” How right they are. With over three million registered members, Watmm forums are the largest in the eastern hemisphere. And yet only fifty of these members actually post on a regular basis. Here is a run down of some of the ones you should know.

 

Delet…

Delet is over three thousand years old. He was born on Neptune to a gaseous life form and a rock.

He came to Earth as a child. In the forests of Denmark, a Wood Elf named Nilmiiri found him and raised him as her own. His adolescence was a whimsical time spent lolling about playing a pan flute to the local nymphs and blabbering about a return to the stars.

Eventually, her sex life heating up, Nilmiiri abandoned the boy. For years he wandered the hills and valleys of Scandinavia, laughing and muttering to himself until he found a laptop in a lake and began connecting telepathically to the Internet. No one knows what he’s saying. Those that do are lying. Most put up with him because he makes them nervous.

 

Typical Post:

Aye waznt seying wohmehn shudent bee abel two voate, aye waz seying wohmehn shud bee abel two voate…heh, juz ghose too show ewe arint reeding mye pohsts.

 

Zelah

Zelah is a fag.

 

Typical Post:

So yeah, just picked up three pairs of slim fit 501 girl jeans for fifty bucks. Gonna bike into town tomorrow and see if they’ve got any pique polo shirts on sale at H&M then probably go chill with my mom and watch Gilmore Girls.

 

Mosca

Forged from volcanic rock in the Scottish Highlands, Mosca is the oldest man on the Internet. His posts are curt and striking, a simple haiku-like grace that will impress even the most hardened of cunts. He is a master.

 

Typical Post:

 

shite band

 

om

 

Kaen

A distant relative of Mosca, Kaen arrived at Watmm as a fully formed member, already in on jokes that hadn’t yet developed, always quick to host someone’s music on his domain, and carrying with him an aptitude for cuntly actions that would make most older cunts balk in disbelief. He at first appears distant and intimidating but, given time, you may be able to feed him acorns from your hand.

 

Typical Post:

 

i'd nail her then kick her in the cunt

 

Plantre

Residing somewhere in West Virginia, Plantre makes Da Da look straightforward.

 

Typical Post:

 

THE INTERNET IS SO SERIOUS! LETS ALL TAKE THE INTERNET SERIOUSLY!

 

SEARIOUSLY? EARS. LETS TAKE THE INTERNET’S SERIOUSNESS!

 

HERE IS AN OPINION! LOOK AT THIS OPINION. WHAT? WHRER?

 

NOW THAT’S A SHOTGUN---> BUT THE GUNSHOT???

 

New brianellis album on earstroke!

 

Skytree

Son of the late painter Bob Ross, Skytree emerged from the ethereal plane to join the human race and impart his collected wisdom on all who cross his path.

 

Typical Post:

I think I've already mentioned my new home in a thread, but did I mention the forest around it? Or how I went walking through the forests around it with my girlfriend. We talked about the new album I've got coming out and then about how society is debasing itself by not embracing wind power.

 

Fred Mcgriff

If Watmm needed an ambassador, Fred Mcgriff would be it. He makes music, enjoys the mundane minutia of everyday life, is a master draftsmen and understands the philosophical importance of poop.

 

Typical Post:

Fred's posts are anything but typical.

 

Lol Alzado

Fred Mcgriff lite.

 

Typical Post:

I just shat all over my wife and then went to work naked. The partners at the firm were out to lunch so I strolled around the office, admiring my physique in reflections in the windows, then masturbated into my secretary's coffee. So the question, Watmm, is: have you ever fondled a hamster with one of those long slurpee straws with the scoop at the end?

 

Idiron

If Idiron was forced to choose between stopping Hitler before he started or destroying America, he'd create a third option in which America is destroyed by Hitler and go with that.

 

Typical Post:

 

Playbynumbers

An academic whose specialty is arguing with people, he has yet to engage in and win an argument with anyone on the board. Playbynumbers posts about three things: drone music, film, and books.

 

Typical Post:

Oh verily, it was absurdly good. Easily the best book of the century. The Pynchon book was equally good, probably the best book I’ve ever read.

 

Mr. Salads

Mr. Salads likes movies. He hates drugs. He is indifferent to movies about drugs.

 

Typical Post:

i see the carnival of faggots is still going strong.

 

~ism

One of the Scottish Three, ~ism exists in a constant state of disappointment with Watmm. He believes that only Vik can save the board, but look at beakdotcom for evidence to the contrary.

 

Typical Post:

Watmm's been in slow death for some time now. Only teh Earl Grey geezer can save it now.

 

Essines

Essines is ten feet tall and lives a life of tall tales and adventure in rural Canada. To pluck a hair from his head is to be blessed by God.

 

Typical Post:

yeah i need a job.fuck. atleast i have my girl, gonna have some sex later, sleep, drink, have some sex. fuck i hate my life. i need money.

 

Jswift

Either a highly successful playboy living in London or a sociopath living in his parent’s basement, Jswift is a man of the world. When he isn’t posting about the genius of Wong Kar Wai and Asian Cinema he’s rebuking a theory on quantum physics and the nature of duality in Metzinger’s ideal of the self or relating an anecdote about how he developed Microsoft.

 

Typical Post:

 

Ctrl c

Ctrl v

 

Mrx

Quite simply one of the greatest visual artists of this or any century.

 

Typical Post:

this is my cat

 

Sinicalypse

If you think this guide is running a little long, wait til you read one of this guy’s fuckin posts. He could turn an urban legend into an urban novel.

 

Typical Post (Abridged):

So I’m back atcha African Americans with a smirnoff bass drop. It was in late 98, I’m sittin pretty on two tons of beats when I get this urge to light up a Newport and head out on the chi town strip ta find some play and some milk cuz we out at my dad’s house and this African American needs his corn flakes in the morning. I mean that’s the thing with corn flakes, it’s like early ambient techno, like you gotta have some of that glass half full mentality to go wit your soft bass rumble or you’re on the curb like every other house African American left out to rot by the authorities. So I’m goin to the grocery store ta pick up the milk when I see this girl, Jessica Springer, went to high school with her and had a straight prorogative to nail that bitch when I still had half my virginity intact, so I mean I’m just a noble mc at this point so only way I’m impressing this bitch is with my rhyming skill like back in the day when a minstrel had to woo the shit out the ladies with a lute and his inner thug but I’m really too anti-thug to ever “woo” anything which is why I just resort to hiding in my basement, I mean not to get too cutting here but let’s just face it we’re all just bailing out of our unix administrating house arrest anyway so let’s just cut that shit out right now. And to all my haters, I already know where you wanna go with the “longwinded” post shit, so just drop that like Jay-z dropped all the good mcs from his label, we know how “wordy” I am it’s not a surprise anymore and this isn’t a defense or hypocritical anyway, I mean hell, you sit in front of a computer all day pushing media nodes to squares like I did when I was still a comp sci head in college checking out irc chats back when that was progressive not in like the pitchfork progressive way but real progression like music is supposed to be instead of all this cliché snare rush hi hat Zelda theme ruggedness and since when was rockin out a bad thing?

 

Zaphod

A bit of an idiot really.

 

Typical Post:

This post.

 

Joyrex

The mastermind behind We Are the Music Makers, Joyrex is from Texas or England. As a child he had a traumatic experience involving an exploding colostomy bag and has since been obsessed with shit. He will ban you for trolling or dupe accounts and then create a topic about someone launching nachos out of their asshole onto a tiled wall in a restaurant in El Paso.

 

Typical Post:

LOLocaust Fred, brilliant, just brilliant. I went to Taco Bell today and bought a schilling’s worth of Enchilada then had a massive growl over the bowl while I put the finishing touches on the site. And for all you wankers creating dupe accounts, just to let you know, you might be having a right laugh but it won’t fly on this forum. Wallie whale, LOL.

We’re almost there.

 

There are loads more members but fuck if I'm going to write dossiers on all of them.

 

Q&A

 

q: I want to make a new topic about a video floating around youtube. Is this ok?

 

a: Under no circumstances should you ever do this.

 

q: Someone posted the word "jazz" in my topic on a video floating around youtube. What does this mean?

 

a: "Jazz" is slang for jazzband, a watmmeme that began when someone said "jazzband covers aphex twin" in reference to a cover version of the song "flim" which had multiple topics created about it. Some members are so lazy they simply write "j" while others come up with imaginative, similar headline events. For instance: Second tower collapses!

 

q: I have a track by Aphex Twins called "Ghost in the Shell". Where can I find the album it's on?

 

a: You're an idiot.

 

q: Why do you guys talk about poop so much?

 

a: Because it's all we have.

 

q: Do I need a cat to post here?

 

a: If you don't have a cat, you have five days to find one. If you don't, you'll be banned.

 

q: Where are all the girls?

 

a: Watmm has a history of scaring off the few real females who choose to post here. We do it in a number of ways. If you're a girl yourself, and you're new, ninety percent of the board will claim you're Beno's dupe account. The other ten percent will attempt to PM you saying not to get down about it, and of them, two will construct fantasies about saving you from the internet and making you their wife.

 

q: Who is Leah?

 

a: Leah is Zelah's courtly love interest. She has caterpillars for eyebrows, a hobo musician for a boyfriend and a voice like a papercut. Most members of Watmm have masturbated to Leah at some point.

 

The Rolling lol

To truly master the internet, a forum must be able to construct a Rolling lol. This is simply a topic full of posts that, in uniform fashion, say "lol". That is all. If a forum is able to come together and create a Rolling lol, they will be freed from the cycle of Samsara and all will reach Nirvana.

 

electronic music: Internet Dork Music

 

This may be a surprise to you, but Watmm actually had to do with music at one point! If you go to the main page, you'll see five artists listed with space for content under each. They also each have their own sub forum!

 

When a new member joins, they make an important decision: become one of many general banter staples, constantly rofling and shooting mountain dew out of their nostrils, or venture deep into the dark recesses of the BOC subforum where they will eventually disappear, eaten alive by the lowly Gollum like creatures that inhabit that dank netherworld. That's one fork in the road I wouldn't want to come to!

 

Good luck!

 

[GORDO]

... similar headline events. For instance: Second tower collapses! ...

 

so you actually think the headline thing predates jazzband? lol

[Fred McGriff]

weak

[GORDO]

well at least someone recalls the headline meme and it's connection to jazzband.

 

it would suffice to note that the headline meme didn't originate on watmm (i.e. it's older).

[Fred McGriff]

i'm sure the headline "meme" started pretty quickly after newspapers were invented

 

its

[boris]

i believe GORDO

[Fred McGriff]

that's great news for everyone else

[Alzado]

Gordo is like that kid that comes over to your house to play transformers and while you're both staging some epic battle with tons of mouth sound effect explosions and laser blasts and he stands up with arms outstretched and starts making airplane noises, all the sudden pretending to be a transformer himself. you think it's weird, but you keep playing. but then he transforms into a cat and starts crawling around on all fours meowing and rubbing his forehead against your shoulder. when you tell him to cut it out, he purrs and starts walking around you in circles on his hands and knees. when your mom comes in with some key sunny-d refreshment, she sees him rubbing his hip against your side and his horrified and says it's time for him to go home. after he leaves, she and your dad sit you down and talk about how you're still just a kid and you're too young to be doing inappropriate things and that your private area is a very special personal thing that you shouldn't be showing to the other boys in school.

 

remember that kid?

 

Skytree

Son of the late painter Bob Ross, Skytree emerged from the ethereal plane to join the human race and impart his collected wisdom on all who cross his path.

 

fucking lol, i forgot about that.

[chenGOD]

well at least someone recalls the headline meme and it's connection to jazzband.

 

it would suffice to note that the headline meme didn't originate on watmm (i.e. it's older).

 

 

i'm sure the headline "meme" started pretty quickly after newspapers were invented

 

its

 

Here we can see folks, why Fred McGriff is an all-around top poster.

[encey]

btw I invented the 'it's' meme.

[Guest nene multiple assgasms]

jazzband was long before alarm will sound. there can be no compromise of the truth.

[GORDO]

i'm sure the headline "meme" started pretty quickly after newspapers were invented

 

its

 

 

well duh that's my point.

 

 

[Fred McGriff]

ok

[GORDO]

I'm glad we finally agree that I'm right