Autechre Planet Gonk: The Story of Session 3

[Salvatorin]

Scene 1:

 

we start out in some kind of next-dimensional waiting room with a jumble of objects existing in a state of flux. It’s kind of a paradoxical thing, like chaotic equilibrium. there are platonic solids bouncing into globs on non-newtonian fluids, arcs of plasma jetting about, old People magazines, etc. it is here that the the first ones, the ineffable, antediluvian Great Dyad of rob and sean call their home, their unspoken machinations manifesting as great ripples and rumbles through the medium, lush pads and sick beats, the 2 elements from which all other things spring forth. the aloof, stoned gaze of rob and the piercing chav stare of sean settle on a single planet orbiting rogue paralel suns, somewhere in the intergalactic medium. this is planet known as Planet Gonk.

 

Scene 2:

 

on exoplanet gonk 3a5 129308 there is a club 500 kilometers under the sea.

we descend through the hazy atmosphere and the greenish world-ocean is revealed, we descend further, under the waves, to Club Splesh.

shit is poppin off here.

Mature Audiences Only.

Agent Cooper is on the scene

“Diane, I’ve just arrived at an establishment of ill-repute—

there is a robot with a big like jangly metal dick on stage just getting slapped all over the place.

like some giant mech with a big fuckin weird silicon robot dick just floppin it around.

like slapping it in a concrete hall, like some crazy flep the dolphin shit happening in the club.

in the underwater club.”

the scene is mental. Wiley is DJing, Flowdan is MCing. just absolute mayhem

people are doing poppers and touching jellyfishes and stuff.

a squid makes out with a Dyson space heater.

Flep the dolphin does tricks (like flips and shit but also sexual?) for the robot man.

a calculator finishes suckin him off.

the robot man cums.

BLISS

 

Scene 3:

 

okay so now we're listening to the soundtrack to "GANG FIGHT 2999", setting: ‘Techre City

it’s like a gigantic icosahedron of a city, all floating above the ocean and shit

all black pipes and dirty streets branching out everywhere like fucking crazy

 

the Casual's are encroaching on the Gonk Boy's turf

Gonk Boys pullin up

using pirated cyberweapons

 

the casuals outnumber gonks, but the gonks are bigger

The Gonks have protective fur coats with +2 charm boost

 

the Casuals employ fierce hi frequency sonic weapon emitters

the Gonk Boys have powerful backpack woofer blasters

the Casuals, in their numbers and ferocity are overwhelming the Gonks

but the Gonks won't go down without a fight

 

so the gang war has been raging on

OH shit! RIP gonks, you think.

but the Gonk Boys are still hanging in actually

 

you thought they died

 

but in one insane sub bass attack they fuckin WIPED out the casuals

they unleashed their secret weapon:

GATED REVERB GUN

 

cut: we are now 33 years in the future

The Gonks and the Casuals unified into one cartel and took over 'Techre city

not long ago this planet was ruled by dolphins and mechs

Now there is a filthy cabal of genocidal gangsters in control of the polyhedron

watch them float over the global ocean, sending down plasma arcs to terrorize the unsuspecting denizens

Unleashing vaporized high potency psychedelics and dissociative drugs into the atmosphere

the populace is at their will

 

Chairman Elyc9 is a miser. He rose through machiavellian tactics.

He now punishes the world that spurned him as a child

 

Uniting the violent underground through mutually beneficial heists and takedowns he quickly was able move up in 'Techre's parliament

Spread the message: the dolphins and mechs are not our friends

We must cleanse the global ocean of their idiocy

 

Scene 4:

 

Deep down in the ocean

Corporal Flep is dreaming up a strategy

The resistance has been hit hard

But Flep wishes for the days of dancing and having casual sex with robots on the ocean floor to return

In an old half dome ruin on the ocean floor, covered in coral and kelp, the bladelores project is being conceived

the dolphins on one side, the mechs on the other.

they are sharing ideas through bubble ring glyphs

how can they restore peace to this shattered world?

schematics made of seaweed and stabilized bubbles are created

to unify their thoughts they move to the inner sanctum

and begin a ritual of blowing bubbles and subtly sending electrical currents through the water

slowly an old god

starts to rise from the sand at the oceans floor

it is a god made of shimmering, rippling mercury

at times random pillars seem to form as appendages and then collapse back into the rising columnal giant

the monks of the eastre order hit their bells

the dolphins and mechs vibrate in ecstasy as the VeKos, the avatar of eastre, arises.

…

 

Scene 5:

 

in the laboratory of Turbile Robotics manufacturing ramps up with new speed

Everything must be stress tested

no piece of squishyware can go un poked

every bioluminescent tendril must writhe

all cubes must be stomped upon

that's what makes a Turbile a Turbile™

The workers dine on shimripls (a type of very gay shrimp)

Turbile robotics employees can expect a minimum of 17 shimripls a day

they are paid in shimripls, which is a privilege in a world where if you don't gonk hard enough you'll basically just get killed

Oh lord what is this? someone just introduced a trojan into Turbile manufacturing's mainframe

the technician inspects the terminal

"Spl9.ramshooter.b" ?

 

machinery is being repurposed

something is being built

the plant is creating strange, incomprehensible objects

it used to make cubes

 

now the virus has taken control and the organic synthesis machines are making unsound hybrids of silicon and flesh

and all of these creations fall down into the the unfathomably deep cistern of rejects, the glos ceramic

a cylindrical hole bored deep into the planet, so large it has developed its own ecosystem in the darkness and filth

the heaps of AI chips form autonomously organizing beings made of trash and rotting flesh and wires

these new beings know nothing other than that the great shute in the sky gives them garbage, their lifeblood

so they raise up their appendages in praise

revel in the garbage, make love in the garbage, do their taxes in the garbage

 

Scene 6:

 

back in 'techre city Bill Evans plays the piano

at a slimey gonk establishment

 

Thom Yorke gets on stage

by now he has become a kind of hairy skeleton

he makes high pitched wails into a canister, on all fours

he has learned the art of bone origami

and he is folding himself up into an ever smaller thing

eventually he is so small he is not visible, which is part of the art of it, you see

yet he still is able to wail

Bill Evans dies of many years of cocaine use

 

Scene 7:

 

The aftermath of a mass culling of technicians suspected as double agents for the Dolphin-Mech Alliance

Chairman Elyc6 has dealt with the turbile problem, or at least he thinks he did

so we looked at the data

The truth is, Chairman Elyc9 doesn't really care about purging the planet of dolphins and mechs.

the war was a ruse

he baited the enemy into summoning eastre,

the primeval power at the center of the planet, he wishes to harness its powere

 

planet gonk was once at peace

 

long ago, the dolphins were sucking robot penis and all was well

but desperate times call for desperate measures

the garbage hybrids congeal into a chain tall enough to reach the ceiling of the great cystern

as the liquid god of eastre penetrates the corroded, leaking bottom of the cystern

 

an unholy union is formed

 

The Gonk Casuals must be stopped.

 

Scene 8:

 

we now shift deep under the garbage, into the dark saline sea that lines the deepest trenches under the global ocean

this is the primordial soup from whence it all came

in a place darker than vantablack, conscious ions flicker with intent

 

before the gonks, before the dolphins, before the casuals and mechs, there was only this place

a place of stillness punctuated by rippling chains of actions that had no beginning and no end

the creatures of planet gonk arose from this place

 

and it is this place that will bring the planet back to equilibrium

 

Scene 9:

 

the Great Dyad regards the goings on with detached amusement.

 

Sean: M8 this shit is mental. Did you see Thom Yorke do that? fuck me that’s brilliant.

Rob: Check out that Dolphin down there, he’s got a laser gun.

Sean: (tokes spliff) fookin incredible aye

Rob: aye there’s like some kinda war or battle going on innit

Sean: lush, hey check out this new patch i’ve been working on

 

...

in a twist of events, the Dolphin-Mechs lose control of the Avatar of Eastre, VeKos, and it takes control of the garbageFleshKin, unifying them into a writhing tentacle of wires and organs emerging from the core of Planet Gonk to strike ‘Techre city from the sky. the icosahedron shatters into a trillion shimmering shards and the city falls into the churning world-ocean.

the casualties of the great conflict are immense

calculators go instinct. Corporal Flep is valiantly killed in the line of duty when he impales Chairman Elyc6 with his snout (he duct-taped a knife to it). RIP.

the Gonk Boys and the Casuals are forgotten. the ocean swallows up all things. there is only wreckage, and the mindless, waving tentacles of eastre protruding from the sea like living monoliths. Who knows what lies in the future for this ruined planet? but for now, all end.

 

And thus concludes the story of Planet Gonk…

OR DOES IT?

[YangYing]

[Stock]

Turns out Salvatorin was writing OPN albums' backstories all that time !

[beerwolf]

It seems your time as a space cadet is over, you have now been promoted to a Space Lord.

 

Congratulations.

Edited March 21, 2019 by beerwolf

[eczem]

Some comments/concerns:

 

1. My calculator doesn't suck me off right; it might not have the instinct.

2. I had a feeling that shimripls were super gay but was afraid to bring it up 

3. I am a displaced garbageFleshKin refugee from the Gonk wars

4. 

RIP FLEP

 

[auxien]

[jules]

[ignatius]

[Embers]

This is more Kafkaesque than Kafka's own writings. 

[zlemflolia]

bro have you gonked yet?

what?

you a gonker?

 

haha bro this dude hasn't even fuckin gonked yet

holy shit dude we gotta gonk him up

 

just fucking put the headphones on and say it

just say it dude, "gonk me up"

bro say it

why

just trust us

"gonk me up bro"

bro you're gonna get so gonked you won't be able to walk

gonk him bro, hit him with it

 

stop I don't want to be a gonker

youre destroying my old taste

im turning into an autism

 

hahahahahahahahahaHAHA

hes fuckin GONEked

[Salvatorin]

lol

[pikkio]

Poor Flep :(

[Salvatorin]

updoot

[splesh]

Bumping this to honor Phil's memory ;__________;  We miss ya, pal

I've often thought of Quaristice and its accompanying releases to be part of a narrative, why not NTS Sessions?