jordan peterson

[brian trageskin]

in other news 

 

last post

[Alcofribas]

23 minutes ago, eassae said:

How is Canada making laws on enforcing use of certain pronouns negated by the incident with Kapernick? I hate to use the "trendy" term, I really do, but this is a straw-man argument. I don't think many people see these incidences of "flashes in the pan." They see them as emblematic of growing trends. Also Kapernick wasn't compelled by state law to stand, that was done by a private organization, there's a difference.

I do agree with you that this is probably another manifestation of social engineering from the powers that be. And, I also agree, as far as I've seen anyway, that jbp hasn't discussed these things from the angle of a wider social manipulation.

That said, I think his book and self helpy stuff probably gives people that don't have some sort of direction in their lives a pretty decent place to start making changes. The rules may be fairly old fashioned and obvious, but if they give a person motivation to do something that benefits their lives in a positive manner, whatever it is, then that's a good thing in my book. People have made money in worse ways, so If he fattens his wallet in the process, then whatever.

i don't really know what you mean about strawman here, i used the kap example to show how there is inconsistent outrage about what constitutes threats to free speech in popular discourse. not sure how you see this as unrelated to the topic? are you telling me you think jpb only thinks the "postmodern left" is a legal force? he does not, for example, complain about how unfairly masculinity is depicted in cartoons? 

in any case, i also provided an instance of a government compelling a particular kind of political speech - someone actually lost employment over that one, unlike jpb. i feel like i'm on topic, m8

as for the notion that yeah it's cool if people are positively influenced by 12 rules - nah, that's lame. that's like some shit my mom would say about dr. phil.

 

[Cryptowen]

cucked by lucky charms again smdh

saw my girl walk into the bedroom with all three of the rice krispie boys (pretty sure pop was just there to film it however). i wanted to say something but the damn sugar crisp bear just put one of his paws on my shoulder, told me i should focus on having a balanced breakfast & save this job for the guys who know how to pack a rice-based delight into every bite

[Amen Warrior]

Confession, I've never actually watched a Giles P Beterson video before, where should I start? My impression of him is that he's a man that wears nice suits and does a serious face and says things that trick lonely sad men into thinking he's clever but really does way too much angry wanking for a man of his age and probably always smells faintly of old cum masked by aftershave and booze.

ChaNgE mY MiNd

[usagi]

5 hours ago, Alcofribas said:

couldn't they DM trudeau and ask him to put an end to this (with or without blackface)?

lol

[ignatius]

i think the obvious solution for america is to have a purge society where there's an everything goes night. i assume rick and morty would show up at some point and chronenberg everyone. this seems ok. 

[ignatius]

almost through the first of 2 parts behind the bastards  podcast focusing peterson. interesting, entertaining, funny even.. 

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-jordan-peterson-episode-72770473/

part 2

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-jordan-peterson-episode-72855753/

[zlemflolia]

On 3/7/2021 at 12:15 PM, brian trageskin said:

oh you didn't say that was contradictary, i misread you. you said it was encouraging political disengagement

well personally i think it's a good idea not to care about politics if your life is such a mess and you're such a pathetic loser that no fucking woman would touch your wiener with a 10-foot pole. i'd say if you're in that situation, politics is the least of your concerns. get your shit together first and then we can talk white supremacy and whathaveyou

white supremacy and nazism are inherently rooted in the constant thought about their white women preferring men of other races or colors.  it's quite literally the most cucked ideology.  white women dont like them so their response is to commit genocide against the rest of the world and create a government which forces them to be capable of getting an aryan wife.  absolute cuck tier

On 3/7/2021 at 6:43 PM, eassae said:

I read the article. It says everything basically identically to what I've heard come out of the IDW and JP. But, JP believes in hierarchies and doesn't seem to have an answer for the issues at hand. Fisher seems to think the solution is class consciousness and working towards a classless society. All well in good in theory, but has crashed and burned at every turn—at least at scale. Basically regurgitated Marxism. I have never heard it used to be the defense against PC, so I'll give him points for novelty. That would definitely throw some sand into JP's butt crack.

Edit: I guess JP's solution is getting your shit together.

very privileged post, ignores the gains made by marxists for poor people entirely in favor of bourgeois propaganda narrative

what form of consciousness do you think is most capable of bringing change? even democrats must admit that the best way to seize the ballot is class consciousness.  what do you advise?  groping around mindlessly without a unified understanding of our requirements and how they relate to class?

Edited March 9, 2021 by cyanobacteria

[zlemflolia]

On 3/7/2021 at 12:56 PM, eassae said:

How is Canada making laws on enforcing use of certain pronouns negated by the incident with Kapernick? I hate to use the "trendy" term, I really do, but this is a straw-man argument. I don't think many people see these incidences of "flashes in the pan." They see them as emblematic of growing trends. Also Kapernick wasn't compelled by state law to stand, that was done by a private organization, there's a difference.

I do agree with you that this is probably another manifestation of social engineering from the powers that be. And, I also agree, as far as I've seen anyway, that jbp hasn't discussed these things from the angle of a wider social manipulation.

That said, I think his book and self helpy stuff probably gives people that don't have some sort of direction in their lives a pretty decent place to start making changes. The rules may be fairly old fashioned and obvious, but if they give a person motivation to do something that benefits their lives in a positive manner, whatever it is, then that's a good thing in my book. People have made money in worse ways, so If he fattens his wallet in the process, then whatever.

just use the correct pronounds miss

[zlemflolia]

its telling that jordan petersons biggetst complaint about canada is having to gender trans people correctly instead of how drunk native american women get picked up by police and dumped miles from town in the middle of snowstorms until they freeze to death. it shows his privilege and his idealism, he lives in a political world of ideals disconnected from material reality because as a rich white man he has quite literally nothing to complain about

Edited March 9, 2021 by cyanobacteria

[ignatius]

47 minutes ago, ignatius said:

almost through the first of 2 parts behind the bastards  podcast focusing peterson. interesting, entertaining, funny even.. 

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-one-the-jordan-peterson-episode-72770473/

part 2

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/episode/part-two-the-jordan-peterson-episode-72855753/

these two podcasts do a great job of picking apart some of the problems w/what he says and acknowledging the things he says that make some sense. also some brief look back at his life, childhood etc to show the road which he walked to get where he is. 

it's a fast and reasonable look at him. quite good whatever your thoughts on him are. 

[chenGOD]

On 3/7/2021 at 3:56 PM, eassae said:

How is Canada making laws on enforcing use of certain pronouns

This is wrong by the way. Read the bill here: https://www.parl.ca/DocumentViewer/en/42-1/bill/C-16/third-reading

As well, Peterson's most (in)famous video about how free speech is under attack (especially in academia), was made at a forum hosted by a university that is not only public (and publicly funded), but was streamed live over the internet for anyone with internet access to watch.

[chenGOD]

23 minutes ago, cyanobacteria said:

its telling that jordan petersons biggetst complaint about canada is having to gender trans people correctly instead of how drunk native american women get picked up by police and dumped miles from town in the middle of snowstorms until they freeze to death. it shows his privilege and his idealism, he lives in a political world of ideals disconnected from material reality because as a rich white man he has quite literally nothing to complain about

While the starlight tours were truly reprehensible (and systemic racism in Canadian police forces continues to be an issue), I would like to point out that the last of these tragic incidents happened 20 years ago. As well, the vast majority of victims were First Nations males. So there's no confusion - these are terrible crimes, and the individuals responsible should be brought to justice. But since the "truth" part of speaking truth to power is important, you know, it's important the truth be accurate.

[chenGOD]

A novel: the end of bros (not the boy band).

Chapter 1

Spoiler

jordan peterson reached for his ankle holstered glock 42 as the transfeminist marxists pulled and bit at him. one of them forced peterson's jaw open and began to move it up and down, compelling him to form non traditional pronouns as he screamed in anguish. there was a roar at the end of the hall. the marxists backed away on all fours, hooting and screeching, some crawling up the walls and ceiling like spiders. peterson righted himself and checked the glock. one round. he thought about pinocchio and began to cry. something big, very, very big - listen, this thing was morbidly obese - blocked out the light. he caught a glimpse of its head, which receded into a mound of fat between its gorilla like shoulders. there were fragments of skull in the thing's purple hair. peterson squinted. one of the fragments still had an undercut. he almost vomited. the creature moved down the hall toward him, stopping every few feet to lean against a wall and catch its breath. this process took twenty minutes. peterson recognized its face and crossed himself. he had seen the monster in his dreams. in canada, it was called a wendigo. in america, lindy west. he placed the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

Chapter 2

Spoiler

peterson darts awake, his body drenched in sweat. his wife stirs beside him, caressing his back. "honey, good back to zhe." he grabs her by the collar of her pajamas, slapping her across the face. "what did you just say to me, you crazy harpy?" "go back to sleep! i said 'sleep!'" he throws her pathetic female form back upon her pink pillow. he grabs his robe -- a masculine blue -- and storms out of the room. in his office he clicks on his desk lamp, its cone of light illuminating his manuscripts on psychology and mythology and christianity. he gazes upon the title of a book by one of his masters, carl gustav jung. flipping through it his eyes fall upon passages about the "union of opposites," the "dual nature," masculine and feminine, of the psyche. he tosses the book down in confusion, in disgust. his hands shake as he turns the desk lamp to shine upon the wall where its beam is cast upon a poster of his creation. on the left, pink side, are pictures of girls and women; on the right, blue side, pictures of boys, men. the two sides are separated in the middle with a golden pillar with the word "scientia" painted upon it. he feels immense relief. just before turning off the light his gaze is accidentally caught by his open latin dictionary. his flips through it in haste and throws it down as if it were burning his hands. nowhere was he able to find the pronouns "him" or "her." some one must have pressured the publisher to remove them. just then he gets a text from one of his followers. it reads "they've made it to america" with an accompanying link. he opens the link. a trans teenager now legally lives with her grandma. he does a hard reset on his phone. as it reboots he peers through his blinds out of his window. "they're coming" he whispers.

Chapter 3

Spoiler

they call an emergency session of the joe rogan experience. jordan peterson sits between gad saad and sam harris. peterson stops mid sentence and collects himself. he still isn’t used to just how tiny joe rogan is in person. at four foot two, rogan needs a booster chair to reach his console. his head glistens with sweat. like most things in life, he reminds peterson of pinocchio. “so ah...as I was saying, if you read ordinary men..you’ll...ah”. rogan stares intensely at a second monitor. “look at this fucking thing.” he spins the monitor around to face peterson. it’s a liveleak video of an orangutan destroying an elementary school cafeteria. rogan shakes his head. “jeesus.” there is a ding. peterson looks at sam harris. a blue light flashes once on his forehead and his eyes close, followed by the familiar sound of a windows machine shutting down. gad saad burps and the entire room fills with the smell of rotten fish.

Chapter 4

Spoiler

joe rogan takes a large dose of mushrooms, puts on the latest fluorescent grey disc and ask peterson to lift him up into his sensory deprivation tank. after closing the door peterson can hear rogan inside muttering his mantra as well as encouraging an entity to eat a quail egg with a partially developed bird inside of it. peterson looks over at harris whose face is now the color of a pale blue sky with his features hovering just beyond the surface like clouds. peterson can't quite tell if harris is looking at him but he hears him say "wake up. use logic and reason to complain about muslims." peterson shrugs, unsure if he can use this to his advantage or if it's more sam's thing. he walks through the studio space, unsure where the exit is. he is scared. is this the dark journey of the hero? will he have to struggle with the unconscious? will he become submerged in it, despairing, only to arrive back where he began but as a fully integrated self? just then a creature emerges! "this is it," he mutters to himself, "this is the dragon i must slay." it is a wild beast, completely inhuman, crazed, insane. it has flowing, disgusting rope-like threads hanging from its head. strange lumps protrude from its shallow chest. upon its hideous face are blood-like colors, dark, lusty reds. peterson knows this disgusting beast is trying to entice him, provoke him, get him to fuck. he flees. hiding behind rogan's podcast desk he thinks what a shame it is that he cannot fight such a beast. if it were a man, he could vanquish it with his fists. but not a creature such as this. he quickly draws a jungian chart of his experience to show other men, to warn them. on the left side of the page is a uroboros, sucking itself off. on the right is a female specimen. her left palm is "temptation," her right thumb is "angst," her womb is "creatio," her head is "insanio," her groin is "ineffabilio." 

Chapter 5

Spoiler

The year is 2021. Jordan Peterson sits in the green room of Madison Square Garden. He is on the Woke AF Philosophy Tour with Sam Harris and Stefan Molyneux. He is watching Harris through a monitor. Harris is on stage, manipulating one of those ASMR ear mics with a toothbrush. He occasionally whispers "islam must be eradicated" into the ears. The audience sits, rapt. Peterson gets up and walks to a wall with three candles to represent the pillars of Christian wisdom ; G.K. Chesterton, C.S. Lewis and T.D. Jakes. Peterson lights the candles and removes his shoes. There is thunderous applause through the walls. Harris enters the room, glides past Peterson, and inserts himself into a crevice in the wall. After a moment, three green bars appear on his face. On his forehead, the words "45% charged". There is a call to the room. Peterson breathes in, then walks out. A camera crew greets him near the stage. He punches the air, stops, looks into the camera, then laughs. He enters the stage. He sits on a sofa and looks out at the audience. Silence. He begins to speak. "Dostoevsky." Scattered applause. "Solzhenitsyn." Moderate applause. Peterson points at a man in the front row. "He's read the books, he's read them." Then he pumps his fist. "Orwell." Whoops and airhorns. "Derrida." Boos. Speaking louder. "Foucault." Someone throws a molotov onto the stage, Peterson kicks it away and it explodes. "CULTURAL." BOOOOO. "FUCKING." NOOOOOOO. "MARXISM." He collapses into the sofa. People are crying. Peterson sobs into his hand. "Post-modernism." People are holding each other. Peterson straightens his shoulders and yells. "Harry Potter. Pinocchio. Fathers. Sons." A chant begins to move through the crowd. Peterson stands and puts a hand to his ear. "I can't hear you." Sort it out. "I CAN'T BLOODY HEAR YOU." SORT IT OUT. He spreads his arms wide, then snaps his fingers. Total silence. He whispers. "bucko." The entire stadium explodes.

Chapter 6

Spoiler

before dawn they reach the M4F (martyrs 4 freespeech) bunker code name "JAQ" (just asking questions). by now sam hasn't been plugged in for almost 6 hours and he's completely red and is not making any sense. "sort yourself, man," peterson commands, "you're a gd neuroscientist." harris, his logic and reason board corrupted by his failing battery, obscenely retorts, "lol i've contributed nothing to my field." peterson shudders as he finally connects sam to the Thinkpad docking station. peterson heads to the dining hall wear he feels surrounded by his peers. milo sits alone at a table, an emeralite lamp shining over his many legal documents. peterson sees him, robbed of his book deal and representing himself in a tortured legal battle, and he weeps. "another victim of pcsjw." he surveys the rest of the facility, making sure there are no intruders and finally returns to the dining hall to assemble the entire M4F crew, every last member. once he and milo are comfortable he sketches out plan to combat the enemy. the first method is "science booyah," for instance, when discussing sexual harassment in the workplace proffer a science booyah such as "well, makeup is meant to replicate the reddening of a woman's face when she fucks." the next step is technical jargon from one's field of expertise. peterson uses his own field, psychology, as an example to help milo follow this method. "when facing my enemy i can confound them with technical terminology from psychology such as 'crazy' or 'insane,' and i can also incorporate a multidisciplinary method by added mythological terms like 'harpy.'" milo is completely out of his depth and wonders what his field is. "don't be a fool," peterson says, "you can do gay stuff!" milo quickly frosts his tips in response. "are there any more methods?" he asks. peterson leans back in his chair, crosses his arms, and smiles. "milo, milo, milo. so young. so naive. of course that's not all. i've saved the best for last." he explains his final technique in a hushed tone; they are martyrs after all and must be careful of spies. "after we've completely DEVASTATED....shhh...sorry....after we've devastated them as above then we distribute our literature." "our literature?" milo asks, taking his tortoiseshell frames off his nose. "yes, here" peterson hands him "12 rules of life" or whatever. milo holds the book carefully and turns the pages with reverence. "clean your room...don't lie...cultural marxism...," he reads aloud, "is this...our bible?" peterson stands completely straight up, shoulders back. "wooooah....he's doing the posture" milo mutters. peterson draws a huge phallic shape in the air and jerks it off. then, to milo's complete and utter amazement, the invisible spectral member cums, all over peterson's face. the ejaculate too is invisible, but milo can tell when peterson squints suddenly. taking this all in milo recognizes the master and falls to the floor in supplication.

Chapter 7

Spoiler

marvel cinematic universe phase 4375. humanity has moved on from the earth, inhabiting vast sentient pleasure ships. most people exist in permanent stasis, utilizing a matrioshka brain built around the sun to power a seemingly infinite number of virtual fantasies. gender, race and sexuality are obsolete. reproduction is automated. disease is conquered. death is a choice. the typical human life can last upward of two thousand years and is normally only ended out of sheer boredom. all the old standards, gods and rules have been cast aside in exchange for the self actualization of the individual brain. there hasn't been a war this millennium. 

 

jordan peterson is talking about russia. he moves across the stage in one of the millions of dedicated studios on the starship joe rogan, the flagship of the deathsquad network, the largest media empire in the universe. the lecture is broadcast to two trillion people. peterson pauses and raises a hand. "...and you've got...you've bloody got to do something. because...listen, i've seen what happened in the ukraine in 1932. and don't bloody think it can't happen again." he takes a sip of his caveman coffee. "i am in constant existential terror."

 

alex jones wakes from a three hundred year cryocycle. he screams and pounds his chest as geishabots feed him super male vitality pills. "goddamn do i feel alive right now. woooo." he claps his hands. "where is the little guy? where's joe?" the geishabots scurry away. an intern projects into the room. "i'm sorry mr. jones. joe is gone. he entered a flotation tank and just...disappeared." jones collapses into a chair, beside himself. "when did this happen?" the intern frowns. "two hundred years ago. you were asleep mr. jones." alex jones does that weird fake cry thing where he sounds like a person mocking what crying sounds like. "i fuckin failed him. oh dear jesus." his expression changes. "who's in charge now?" the intern frowns again. "jordan peterson, sir." 

Chapter 8

Spoiler

he year is like 7,000,000 years ago. it's insane with bugs and reptiles and idk what else. extremely enormous leaves are everywhere. like a basic bug is 10 feet long. apes are running around clubbing each other, huge mammoth creatures are stomping around, and it's like 150 degree fahrenheit. in a quiet, shaded grove there lies an oval pool, silver and still as a mirror. the reflection of the crescent moon rests upon its flat surface like a toenail clipping. a bird just like toucan sam resides in a tree nearby; some kind of gnome-like yoda thing peers out from a crack in a mountain with one eye. suddenly, the surface of the pool crumples like a sheet of plastic wrap and a great splashing sound is heard. the toucan looks over like "what the fuck?" but is basically still chilling. the eye looks out, knowingly. from the liquid emerges a man. the first man. it's joe rogan. "DUDE HOLY SHIT MAN!" he says. he's completely nude and rather striking for his short stature under 4 feet. he looks around for some cool mushrooms so he can trip and he finds some nice looking terrence mckenna shit. he walks out of the dark grove onto a clearing. strange beasts can be seen creeping around, just doing their thing. the flicker of eyeballs can be seen in the sharp moonlight. joe is extremely fucking high. he sees the moon, the moon moving toward him. closer. closer now. now it is coming right at him and landing on the plain. it stands upon the grass upright light a great marble boomerang. "FUCK DUDE." a black rectangle appears upon the flat surface of the moon and out jumps alex jones. he's running toward joe in a black tshirt and jeans. "JOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!" he's weeping. "I FOUND YOU BUDDY! I FUCKING FOUND YOU MAN!" he takes little joe into his arms and hugs him, telling him how small he is. he does some of his impressions where each one is just him acting extremely dumb and going "duh duh, durr." joe doesn't respond to any of this. joe is tripping balls. jones invites him into his ship, telling him they must get back. "back?" joe finally asks, "to 4175? i left that shit behind after all the men disappeared. peterson can't save us. that's why i came here, the only place where men can be men." for the first time jones takes a look around and realizes how far back he's gone. "hey little friend....are we...the only two men?" "it's just us two guys, alex." jones runs back into the ship, jumps back out completely nude and the ship flings off the planet back to 4375. peterson will notice, peterson will find them. they don't know if they want to be found but for now they can just be men. without the pc. without no gender.

Chapter 9

Spoiler

Jordan wakes with a startle, wet as a lost dog caught in a desert's summer cloudburst. They will disappear, all of them, in no time at all, all his brethren are being forced away, kicked like stupid wild puppies abandoned by their father wolf...yes, that was it! That was the dream he woke from in a dripping sweat, he was a leader of a the pack, the wolves and coyotes and so many dogs abandoned by their suburban mothers, nuclear families who had no more time for some dime-a-dozen, boring, sweet, tan labrador or shepard: once so revered and now being driven out into the vast desert and thrown from the new SUV, barely stopping, no time for another puppy who had nothing unique to him, no color to his coat, no special tricks, all so many abandoned canines! He was leading them all in this dream, gathering them from their woe and bringing them together. Yes. They were all together now, alone in the arid wilds, rain coming sparely but as if it were a punishment when it did! They would endure though, lick up the water caught in the creekbeds and enjoy it as the praise from the heavens it was, they were divinely guided it was for certain. And he, he was the leader of this ever growing pack. Soon they will be stronger than ever before, all dogs, coyotes, wolves, every last one, they are young! they are gaining their health and they will take back their homes! The crazy women, the weak males, they all will see they were wrong, so very soon. One more rain, the bunnies will be all eaten by us and we will be strong again. To the suburbs we shall return, he thinks now in his bed. His skin is drying but he knows within him there are the claws of a wolf, the fur of the beast just below his skin. Drive us out of the Humanities of universities, will you? You will all pay. He turns over, a grin on his face, lit only by the shimmer of the moon. Inside he howls. Soon.

Chapter 10

Spoiler

A quiet street occupied with rows of single, individual houses basks in silence and serenity as all single, male individual inhabitants are asleep at night.

 

But a dark wind blows. As a faint sound is heard in the distance. An individual feels the subtle change in serenity so hard that he wakes up. He opens the curtains. The sound is getting closer. He looks outside and sees flickering red and blue lights in the distance. A siren.

More individuals have woken up and more curtains have been opened as they all look towards the flickering lights. The siren is getting louder.

By this time, the whole street has woken up and opened curtains. All heads are turned towards the flickering lights who are getting closer and whose siren has now replaced all silence and serenity the street once basked in. All individual heads collectively turn as they follow the vehicle driving by. When it passed each house, the inhabitants heads snapped forward, looking straight in the eyes of their neighbour across the street, and they all gave eachother the same look. A look that said "A firetruck!"

 

All inhabitants rush to the street in shirts, boxers, bathrobes. There was no time to dress. They gaze at the direction the firetruck is driving towards. They see a flickering orange light in the distance. Above that, a thick dark plume of smoke was being illuminated by the orange light, making it visible against the dark sky of the night that had no sun.

 

"Is that... ?" one individual asks.

 

"... It is!" one individual answers.

 

All individuals collectively run out of the street, only to find more individuals from the next street, and the street after that. The whole town is woke. And they all make haste towards the fire.

 

The square in front of the burning building slowly fills up with a crowd. When the whole town has fully gathered on the (pretty big tbh) square, one individual confirms everyone's fear:

 

"It's the museum!"

 

 

The Museum Dedicated To The Real Victims Of The Left has gone alight, much to everyone's dismay. The crowd stares in silence, listening to the sounds of the crackling and snapping of the burning building. One individual breaks the silence:

 

"Another victim of the left!"

 

The crowd riles up. A blurting cacophony rumbles of individuals going "ANOTHER victim of" followed by a leftist term. "Identity politics!" one proclaimed. "Antifa!" another proclaimed. One focused individual yelled "Hey! What about the firetruck?"

 

The crowd goes silent like a street basked in serenity but without the serenity as they turn towars the firetruck next to the building. They look at the single, individual firemale who is kneeling on the ground, with his head hanging in shame. "I could not do it" the firemale said. "I could not handle the hose, I could not handle the valve, I could not even handle the weight of my gear, for I no longer have my masculinity."

 

An individual steps forward from the crowd and bends over the firemale, analyzing his condition. The individual turns and proclaimed: "ANOTHER victim of the left!". The crowd repeats their blurting cacophony. "Socialism!" one said. "I'm OK with TERFs!" proclaimed another. The crowd howls and bellows louder and louder.

 

But the commotion slowly died, starting from the back, as a dark trenchoated Figure pushes through the crowd. Every single individual is at a loss for words as they see The Figure walk out of the crowd and stops in front of the burning building. The bright light produced by the flames make it hard to see any identity defining features on the figure, apart from it totally being a dude amirite, and they only see a dark silhoutte. The Figure firmly clenches his fists and holds his head down. He stands like that for a while as the whole square is rebasked in silence.

 

A drop of liquid drips in front of The Figure's shoes. Which is soon followed by another drop. And another drop. A rain of drops. The rain gets thicker and has turned into two spurting streams of clear liquid. The Figure then snaps his head forward, the streams of liquid pointed at the building, and runs toward the burning museum.

 

"Figure, no!" A crowd individual yells. But the Figure does not yield and jumps into the fire. A loud hiss is heard. Steam is rising out the windows of burning rooms. A spinning orb of steam and water is seen jumping in and out of windows to various floors, sliding over the outer walls and rooftop. Every room the orb of steam jumps in has its flames reduced. The whole building gets engulfed in steam until it is no longer visible and only the hissing can be heard.

 

The hissing ends. The steam cloaking the building evaporates. All the flames are gone. All that is left is a scorched building with blackened walls and untidy rooms. In front of the building is the spinning orb of steam. Its spinning slows down as the steam vaporizes. It's The Figure, hunched down, his trenchcoat bloated with lumps. He stands up. Two small clouds of steam are still in front of his eyes as the last drops of tears fall down. The steam is gone. Two beautiful brown-greenish eyes stare at the crowd. A collective gasp.

 

"It's our town mayor, Jordan Bernt Peterson!". As if moved by an unseen force, the crowd shuffled apart so they were no longer standing as a group but as individuals.

 

"It is true. Let it be known. I am Jordan Bernt Peterson, as I say unto you" said Jordan Bernt Peterson unto them, which is what prophets tend to do.

 

"What happened?" Asked the crowd.

 

"Well," said the Jordan Bernt Peterson, "My investigation concluded that in the 'LOL @ This' exhibition room, the Scroll Of Pronouns & Spectrumgenders turned aflame. A museum worker, the only single individual working in the museum (rip now btw), was adding more terms to the scroll. A job that never ends, hence why he was working at night. The scroll became so long and large, he did not notice it was too near his tiny heating stove that he heats with coal for he has no central heating because communism won. A very tiny speck of smoldering ember that wasn't even that big of a deal has set the very delicate and sensitive material of the scroll aflame in such a fiery blazing hellfury that was disproportionate compared to the instigation. The burning scroll, whose size occupied many clean rooms, reached the exhibition room about Intersectional Feminism-"

 

The crowd interrupted: "And it all just spread from there!" they collectively yelled, as they all laughed, cheered and patted eachother on the back.

 

"That's right!" said The Bernt. "And to think. If this was a museum dedicated to Postmodernism & Cultural Marxism, I would not have cried and I would have died. So tell me, who do we have to blame for this?"

 

A single male individual who does not follow nor get himself influenced by any ideology whatsoever yelled: "The left!"

 

The Brent tapped his nose and made a funny kermit sound.

 

 

"But what did you manage to save?"

 

The Bernt turns serious. He looks at his lumped trenchcoat. "I managed to save... the real victims."

 

He opened his trenchcoat and lo, hundreds of tiny cylinder-shaped velvet bags fall down and roll forward. The crowd steps back aghast.

 

The Bernt grabbed a velvet bag, and held it up. He grabbed the top, and slid down the velvet. Revealing a shriveled purple helmet-shaped form. Further sliding reveales a light beige-like stick. A single male walks out of the crowd and falls to his knees in front of The Bernt

 

"That's... that's mine" he said. I ... I never got to use it... THEY made sure I never got to use it. They filled me with so much insecurity and guilt. It just shriveled and fell off. I donated it to the museum. I came to visit almost every day."

 

Jordan Bernt Peterson put his hand on the kneeling individual's head, and turned towards the crowd. "My demographic" he said. "I have found a way... A way to regain what has been taken from you, to revive what is lost. OBSERVE!"

 

The crowd observes as Jordan Bernt Peterson looks at the shriveled purple helmet jutting out of the bag, brings it closer to his mouth. He opened his mouth, and slid it inside, as a bit of spit dribbled down his chin. He took the real victim outof his mouth with a loud POP, as the crowd turned shocked.

 

Peterson held the velvet bag upwards, and the crowd was almost blinded by the gleaming light of the purple helmet, for it was no longer shriveled.

 

"BEHOLD!" said The Bernt unto them. "I have discovered during my steamy crying that what has shriveled these real victims was the fact that they have never been wet. So hence thereforth," The Bernt looked at the individual who was still kneeling before him, and lowered the velvet bag at crotch height. "We shalleth make them wet."

 

The individual struggled. "I... I don't know... I don't think I can do this. I don't think I want to. Maybe I don't even really need it!"

 

"You... deny? Your own manhood? Hmm. So what you're saying is," said Jordan, "is that you're a biology denier?"

 

"No! oh, no no no no. Don't wanna be that!" Said the individual, and he started to gobble enthusiatically.

 

Peterson turned to the crowd with open arms and yelled "Are you all biology deniers?!"

 

The crowd moved forward and they all grabbed a velvet bag.

 

 

The night ended. The first rays of the morning sun gleamed over the square as they were all sucking bags of dicks.

 

 

"Let it be known" said Jordan Bernt Peterson unto them "That I have saved your masculinity."

 

"As what?" a single individual asked.

 

Jordan Bernt Peterson's eyes welled up with tears again. But they did not drip down. For they remained building up around his eyes until they submerged his entire eyesockets, building up pressure.

 

 

"As a single male individual" said Jordan Bernt Peterson. The pressured pool of tears shot out of his eyes and killed 7 people and he went to jail for that.

Chapter 11

Spoiler

I ran into Jordan Peterson a few years later in Boston. At first, he pretended to be someone else until I recited one of his 70+ minute lectures to him, word for word. He stood there stunned the whole time, barely blinking. I could see tears forming in his eyes, so I stopped as to not embarrass him in public. He reached into his backpack and gave me a bronzed human skull. A sober look befell his face and his screams caused birds to fall dead from the sky. 

FIN

Spoiler

All credit to the authors - none of this was mine.

 

[zlemflolia]

oh my god lmao what the fuck source

[YangYing]

1 hour ago, cyanobacteria said:

oh my god lmao what the fuck source

they are all from the previous jbp thread i think mainly by alco and zaphod

[Zephyr_Nova]

I went to sleep with youtube playing, and woke up to the CPAC Day 1 speeches.  I blame this thread for fucking up my algorithms.  Press play on one JBP vid and the internet automatically assumes you're a fear mongering piece of shit.

This is very relatable right now:

 

Edited March 10, 2021 by Zephyr_Nova

[chenGOD]

3 hours ago, MIXL2 said:

they are all from the previous jbp thread i think mainly by alco and zaphod

Yes mostly alco and zaphod (miss u babby), auxien had a couple, triachus had one...I’m missing someone. 
It needed to be done. 

[Cryptowen]

3 hours ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

 

when u want the algo to give you spicy takes but it puts u in the benzone

[ghsotword]

4 hours ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

I went to sleep with youtube playing, and woke up to the CPAC Day 1 speeches.  I blame this thread for fucking up my algorithms.  Press play on one JBP vid and the internet automatically assumes you're a fear mongering piece of shit.

This is very relatable right now:

 

The Channel Blocker browser plugin helps to remove stuff like this from Youtube's recommended videos

[Braintree]

4 hours ago, Zephyr_Nova said:

I went to sleep with youtube playing, and woke up to the CPAC Day 1 speeches.  I blame this thread for fucking up my algorithms.  Press play on one JBP vid and the internet automatically assumes you're a fear mongering piece of shit.

This is very relatable right now:

 

Click on this.

Now you'll get videos from the far left to sift through. A little less annoying.

[dingformung]

YouTube tends to push you into extremes. Click something remotely right-wing and you get videos by Holocaust deniers, click on something remotely leftwing and you get Stalinist conspiracy theories. I wish you could customise the algorithm in some way

[luke viia]

Can you not just stay logged out of youtube when watching random shit on wattm? 

watching the occasional Peanutson video has never skewed my yt experience too much, idk what's wrong with you guys. Pretty sure you're all actual budding nazi commie french philosophes and just don't know it yet. The algorithm sees, and wants to set you free. Hence, jurgen B penisson lectures until your room is clean. Then more lectures. 

 

[zlemflolia]

the only thing i like about youtubes recommendation algorithm is music recommendation, often if you take it upon yourself to really delve deep you can find good stuff related to your initial search

[ignatius]

wondering if some day peterson will come out as an ex-anti-marxist like Milo just came out as ex-gay?