Autechre Amusing Amazon 1 star quotes of your favorite albums

[Braintree]

This is such a great thread idea.

 

 

Underworld - Beaucoup Fish

 

 

 

By

Len Garza (lmg3578@acs.tamu.edu) (Texas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Beaucoup Fish (Audio CD)

I just don't see this as an overall "strong" record. Although I have enjoyed many of Underworld's songs in the past--I think 2 maybe 3 songs stand out on the CD and the rest is unlistenable. I don't think my opinion is due to the fact that I just don't "get it" or I "don't appreciate art" because I like a diverse variety of music both new and old--this CD's just not all that. Get Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears instead....

 

 

Led Zeppelin - IV

 

THIS IS THE BIGGEST PILE OF TRASH I HAVE EVER HEARD, April 6, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Led Zeppelin IV (aka ZOSO) (Audio CD)

"The Greatest Album Of All Time"?? Huh??? When The Levee breaks is the only decent song on this album and it's not even their song! Black Dogs riff sounds like a collection of random notes compiled by a compuer program. Battle Of Evermore is unbeleivably irritating and the vocals are frequently discordant.(A fault with many of the songs here) Misty Mountain Hop has a "riff" which sounds like something my five year old could have thought up given a minutes thought. Four Sticks is an awkward mess featuring Page at his sloppiest.I was sceptical of the negative reviews of this album but after listening to this garbage I have to agree with them . Save your money people, this album stinks.

 

 

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon

 

Pure Garbage, September 15, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Dark Side of the Moon (Audio CD)

Why this album is so popular will always be a mystery to me. I guess if you take a lot of drugs anything will sound good. The lyrics are meaningless, the songs drone like, the production very dated. Don't waste your money.

 

 

The Specials - Specials

 

rather average album, December 2, 2008

 

 

By

Slawomir W. Wantuch "piglet pink" (London) - See all my reviews

(REAL NAME)

This review is from: Specials (Audio CD)

i have to say that this album is rather average than something amazing - i`m slightly dissapointed tho :(

[Guest nene multiple assgasms]

this thread is a total ragefeast.

[Terpentintollwut]

You know, I've never seen the rabbit before.

 

What's wrong with you?!

[Guest couch]

Autechre - Confield

oh dear lord...., May 27, 2001

 

 

By

T. Hagland (Costa Mesa, CA United States) -This review is from: Confield (Audio CD)

It's like an insane orangutang let loose with a blender in a grocery store. Sure he can make you a smoothie that reminds you of something relatively tasty from time to time, but he'll mostly make you something pretty damn awful.

[beerwolf]

Thanks for thumbs up on the thread :sup:

 

Here's another tickler

 

Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions.....

 

Let's not beat about the bush. This album is a pile of tripe. Some prat with a silly watch and some other guy are angry and shout a lot instead of inspiring people to change things for the better....

 

.Maybe I'm too white and middle class to get what they are trying to say........

[o00o]

you guys know what the next phase is...writing our own

 

Autechre - Untilted

 

"This album definitely earns its name Untitled because who would bother naming child's play like this?! I kicked over my niece's toybox at the top of a staircase and heard better beats. "Pro Radii" is the worst example. It starts out like a good hip-hop track, maybe like 50 Cent or The Game, and then starts stuttering like the Waterboy trying to tell coach that a player spit in the coolah. What the hell? Why can't they just play the beat through? I consider myself the biggest fan of techno and electronic music--everything from Tiesto to Oakenfold--but save yourself a headache and avoid Untitled"

 

lol untitled

[perunamuusi]

listening for the first time now.....

 

4 - stupid. boring repetetive beats. sounds like it was programme don a QY 10. gay vocal sample

 

cornish acid - wtf is this rubbish? i cant dance to this.

 

PEEK 498738693678476593 or whatever - this is a joke right?

 

fingerbib - pretty cool i guess if your a stupid baby

 

corn mouth - more pointless filler

 

to cure a weakling child - more stupid music for babies. this is the gayest one yet

 

goon gumpas - sounds like some channel 4 documentary music. very gay

 

yellow calx - had to turn this one off after a few seconds

 

girlboy song - sounds like something an old lady would listen to except with some rubbish vebnetian snares rip off drums tacked on to it

 

logOn rock witch - wtf? morris dancing music hahahahahha this guy is a wasteman

[o00o]

 

yellow calx - had to turn this one off after a few seconds

 

 

WHAT

lol I see what you did here

[Silent Member]

1.0 out of 5 stars not Anti-pop, just Pop-trash, August 30, 2007

 

 

By

N. Proph "malcomxfan" (San Jose, CA) - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Arrhythmia (Audio CD)

Antipop Consortium's Arrhythmia was very uninteresting and dark similar to Critical Madness' album, "Finding The Plot". Arrhythmia served as a poor man's Saul Williams struggling to find a particular zone or comfortability level to relate with alternative Hip-Hop fans. The production was fine despite having a dark, gloomy tone like you're having one of those bad nightmares. The interlude, "EKG", was an exception (although 30 seconds long) sounded like a product of the Dutch producer, Nicolay.

 

The track, "Mega", seemed a bit offensive reinforcing what this album is missing: a PURPOSE! I often contemplated on Anti-Pop Consortium's intentions for this album...is it really PROGRESSIVE Hip-Hop? "Silver Heat" was another pop-trash example that highlights my point. "Ghost Lawns" was raved by critics but sounded unattractively depressing, the same for "We Kill Soap Skum", "Z St.", "Traumm", and several others. I do not believe that this highly DISAPPOINTING album even applies as a Hip-Hop album; instead, it serves better as one of those barbaric/goth testiments for rebellious teenage white kids.

 

The few enjoyable tracks are listed: "Ping Pong" and "Conspiracy of Myth" stand out on a gloomy depressing album. Don't waste your money.

He brings up good points!

The Beatles - Revolver

1.0 out of 5 stars Easy Listening, July 3, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Revolver (Audio CD)To me it's this simple - this recording is almost 40 years old. It's supposed to sound dated, out of style, orchestral - and it delivers.

Even the better songs like Taxman, although having a good beat, are simple. The awful Eleanor Rigby, Here There and Everywhere, Love You To, and I'm Only Sleeping barely fit into the category of rock music, and are more likely categorized as Easy Listening.

Those that are just discovering the Beatles and claim they are "blown away" by the likes of this, or Sgt. Pepper, are either exaggerating or haven't listened to much of the great music of today. There's no need to dredge up the past.

 

 

 

5 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars This is so Old School, May 10, 2005

A Kid's Review

This review is from: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Revolver-Beatles/dp/B000002UAR/ref=cm_cr_pr_orig_subj">Revolver (Audio CD) I love Old school Music, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, The rolling Stones and The beatles are some of my Favorite artists But what's up with the Hype? This album is so outdated and poorly produced that it's a sham to give it more than one star. Any one who thinks this is the MOST groundbraking "Album EVER" Doesnt know anything about music, must be sleeping or living in the past. I know good music when I hear it But this is truly one of the worst albums I've ever heard. Let's Review song by Song:

 

 

1-Taxman - This song is overrated. The Guitar solo is decent but Bad Vocals Ruin it.

2-Eleanor Rigby - Another Dated song. This was great in its day, but it hasnt stood the test of time.

3-I am Only sleepy - Nice Backward guitar solo But Lennon's Lazy Vocals are pathatic, Another Lazy EASY Listning song.

4-Love you To - One of the worst and Bad sounding Songs of all time, Harrison's Sitar playing is boring and meaningless

5-Here, There and Everywhere - the best song on the album and it's a beach boys Rip-off. Paul's Attempt to write a song as good as "God Only Knows"

6-Yellow Submarine - Childish. In every sense of word.

7-She Said, She Said - Horrible Guitar Solo and Terrible vocals, John Can NOT sing.

8-Good Day Sunshine - Another one of those unoriginal Pop love songs of the 60s.

9-And your bird can Sing - Horrible, Meaningless lyrics. Never understood what they're singing about.

10-For No One - Very slow and Sad and Depressing. This is not music.

11-Doctor Robert - Another Unoriginal Song with a tired melody.

12-I Want to tell You - This is so 60s music. Will put you to sleep in 2 seconds.

13-Got to Get you Into my Life - Horrible.

14-Tommorow Never Knows - Space Music. This song might sound good in a telescope.

 

 

REVOLVER - The most Overrated Rock Album of all time, Sorry to break the Chain But this Album is Horrible. Skip it and buy something fresh.

They brings up good points!

[perunamuusi]

3-I am Only sleepy

 

 

lol

[Guest Coalbucket PI]

Found these nuggets for Sigur Ros's () album

 

The only suggestion I would make to Sigur Ros is, when recording vocals, it would be better to place the microphone in the same room as the singer.

 

 

The first few tracks really set the tone for the album. Music for mosquitos, with Asian influences.

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

Michael Jackson - THriller

 

1.0 out of 5 stars a sad pitiful album from a sick man, July 26, 2008

 

 

By

pinkfloyd "floyd" (annoymus countries) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Michael Jackson 25th Anniversary of Thriller (CD+DVD) (Audio CD)

wow this album sucks, i havent even heard but since its by that guy it sucks hello people he molested kids

why would you pay for a cd by him unless you were sick yourself

please do burn this cd if you own it and than go out and buy great albums like, dark side of the moon, sgt. peppers lonely hearts club band, and are you experienced

 

HORRIBLE ALBUM

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THIS ALBUM

all of his cds should be banned from the public since there so bad

michael jackson sucks hes a sicko

 

Keith Fullerton Whitman - Playthroughs

 

 

 

 

1.0 out of 5 stars Dont believe the hype!!! Please!!!, January 4, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Playthroughs (Audio CD)

I read on a well respected music review site that this album was remarkable, moving etc... Please, please dont buy this. I love all kinds of music, Radiohead, Neutral Milk Hotel, Miles Davis and i am open minded but i cant belive that someone thought that this could pass for 1/10 let alone a 9/10. I suspect the reviewer was trying to impress you with his "openmindedness".

You can save yourself 15 bucks by recording your own Playthroughs: Instructions:

Step 1) Take a keyboard, hit a note....for at least one minute, then change the way the note sounds....slightly...3 minutes later add another note....change the way that note sounds....slightly.......wait 5 minutes

Step 2)Start New song, use a different sound, repeat Step 1).

Wow....this isnt music, its arrogant and pretensious .... I know there are those of you that think you are openminded and experimental (like me) are drawn to these kinds of descriptions, but Playthroughs doesnt have anything in it that will impress you. Sorry if i hurt your feeling mr Keith F. W.

[cear]

Cosmogramma

Hendrix? Well produced over-rated rubbish!, 30 Sep 2010

 

 

By

C. Allen "the bookmuzikfilmfreak" (uk) - See all my reviews

(REAL NAME)

 

This review is from: Cosmogramma (Audio CD)

When someone walks in your flat and you feel embarrassed when they say, "what the hell is this rubbish?" you have to stop and think mmmm maybe they're right. From my earliest days of listening to John Peel I have always been prepared to have an open ear and mind but frankly this is over-hyped noise. Several reviewers, djs say this is the new Hendrix but they seem to be forgetting something Jimi was a virtuoso and also a great songsmith. This guy/outfit is/are ultimately like Aphex Twin: occasionally there is a truly great track but overall I'd say it is extremely irritating and mediocre. It's too noisy, messy and amateurish. If the sound of a nail being scraped down a blackboard turns you on buy it but if not perhaps you should buy JIMI HENDRIX! Or if you want something electronic-esque try Murcof, Burial or Susumu Yokota. True geniuses in this loose field.

 

 

 

 

 

Hard Normal Daddy

Sounds like a cat stuck inside a dustbin., 30 Oct 2003

 

 

By

Lawrie Reilly "Hearts 0 Hibs 7" - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Hard Normal Daddy (Audio CD)

Tom Jenkinson is a gifted artist? Give me a break. Although he may be label mates of Richard James (aka Aphex Twin) that is where the similarity ends. This is one sprawling mess of a CD. In fact Im using it as a coaster underneath my coffee. To return it to the shop and let them inflict it upon some poor soul would be an act of cruelty on my part. Brando, by Aphex Twin set new standards in music, raising the bar to a whole new level. This just lays the bar on the ground. Step over it people. Its pants.

[Silent Member]

ahaha. The playthroughs review is superb, maybe he read about it on pitchfork.

 

1.0 out of 5 stars An extended exercise in pointlessness, December 17, 2008

 

 

By

lexo1941 (Edinburgh, Scotland) - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: Reich: Different Trains, Electric Counterpoint / Kronos Quartet, Pat Metheny (Audio CD)Most of the reviewers of this product have been admirers of Steve Reich's work, and I imagine that most people who have read this far will also be fans of the guy, so I hope that nobody will offended if I offer a minority opinion.

 

I am not an admirer of Steve Reich's work. I am not a fan of minimalist music in general, although I have enjoyed some recordings of earlier Philip Glass (such as the original version of "Einstein on the Beach") for their sheer energy. When it comes to twentieth-century composers, I listen to the stuff that people like Reich and Glass were originally in reaction to: Schoenberg, Webern, Boulez. If we're talking about American composers, give me Nancarrow, Zappa and even Cage.

 

I have listened to this CD on various occasions, invariably in other people's houses, and I am frankly baffled why anyone could want to listen to something that makes your playback equipment sound faulty. The lack of variety, the slow rate of change, the things that people who like Reich's music prize in his work, seem to me to be obvious flaws. I am, simply, at a loss to understand not only why anyone would want to write music like this in the first place but also why anyone else would want to listen to it. In "Different Trains", the ways in which the strings replicate the tones of the sampled voices seems to me a gimmick. It's cute for about a minute but it then becomes quickly boring, and after that maddeningly annoying.

 

This is of course because I am averse to minimalism generally. Rock music (which I like) can of course be minimalist, but decent rock music has an excitement and energy that I don't find in Reich's music. The only emotion that Reich's music inspires in me is a strong wish to turn it off. Frank Zappa summed it up for me in his one-word dismissal of minimalist music in general: "monochromonotony".

 

So, if you like listening to the aural equivalent of a Carl Andre arrangement of bricks, good luck to you. Happy listening. I do not want to spoil your enjoyment of this music, but I regret the overwhelming dominance of minimalism as the form of serious music most sponsored by major record companies from the late 70s to relatively recently. It's easy to see why Reich and Glass could be made into superstars; their music is mostly bland, banal and inoffensive and does not - unlike the work of Webern, Nancarrow or Zappa - demand active listening. You can put it on in the background and ignore it. In the meantime, far more inventive and involving music was being written, and major record companies wouldn't go near it. But that's CBS's and Nonesuch's fault more than it is Reich's.

 

I still can't stand his records, though.

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

Miles Davis - Bitches Brew

 

If you want to be annoyed by incoherent instrumental notes that never amount to absolutely anything, this is for you. Even saying that this "music" reflects the mental state of a drunk is a stretch, drunkenness still maintains a better sense of consciousness and purpose. Finding the fortitude needed to endure this tedious absurdity in its entirety is no easy task and one sure to provoke a headache and anger; because if this album achieves anything, it is being incessantly annoying by having no emotion, energy, melody, or anything that constitutes any musical value. At the end, this is nothing but trash recorded with good audio equipment, over-rated pretentious trash that is; and the claim of many that this album has elements of rock, funk, and soul is more absurd than the album itself. However, if you are a pretentious fool who likes to pretend to "get it" or an individual intrigued by random abstract noise to the beat of an overly monotonous percussion then this is also for you.

 

 

All the other negative reviews are right. This album is *literally* a collection of random noise, and not much more. Whether not it's "music" or "art" depend completely on your definitions of music and art.

If the noise a busy city makes is music, then this album is music. If paint splattered randomly on a canvas is art, then sure, this album is art. But be forewarned; most of this album lacks any discernible beat or key. You will not be able to tap your foot to it, and when each song is over, you're not going to know whether or not it ended on the tonic.

 

 

I don't personally consider this album a work of art, or a collection of music. Sure, the timbre of miles' trumpet or the keys can be pleasing to the ear just for their own sake; but there is no musical organization in the traditional sense to be found anywhere on this album, and like the reviewer above me said, listening to this album is more of an endurance test than an enjoyable experience.

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

Oh man, so many lols....

 

Bjork - Debut

 

 

 

Complete and Utter Garbage, November 5, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Debut (Audio CD)

I have never heard such a pile of nonsense in my life. If Bjork were not the darling of the arts and croissants crowd, she would be waiting tables in a sulfur reeking diner somewhere in Reykjavik. Save your money and buy a real record.

[Guest couch]

I feel like this one is a troll.

 

A Kid's Review

This review is from: Disraeli Gears (Audio CD)

When I heard this I couldn't believe my ears : YIKES!!!!This is really BAD BAD music, very BAD and UNINSPIRED.

It is just a bunch of UGLY DUMB sounds and the guitarrists can't even play and the drummer sounds like Terry from my class who had ADHD and the girl who sings sounds like she has to go potty all the time.

I like music but this is oreful!

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

fucking jazz purist conservative wankers.

 

Jazz purists, imo, are the ones who understand the improvisational prime importance of jazz, and therefore the natural evolution of jazz as being a free exercise.

[perunamuusi]

This review is from: Big Loada (Audio CD)All of this guys albums sound the same.

Being different doesn't give you a license to push boring music.

[perunamuusi]

This review is from: Pink Moon (Audio CD)this record is all myth, no songs. after having heard about it being "haunting" for so many years, I finally picked it up. I played it over and over again looking for what others see in this album. here's what I heard: the kind of "poetry" that high school juniors write after reading about Sylvia Plath in English. this is mumbled while strumming the simplest guitar possible. the fact that the guy offed himself figures in much of the music's praise. to me, that's irrelevant. there's just no strong songs here. it's been a week since I've heard it and I can't remember a thing about it. this is after dozens of listens. it's utterly forgettable.

[perunamuusi]

This review is from: Spiderland (Audio CD)if your idea of fun is an album of long, monotonous songs that all start with meandering strummed guitar that slowly (and I mean slowly)builds up to bludgeoning power chords only to die back down to irritating strumming again. And if you like a vocalist who alternately speaks and whispers in an off-key voice. This record is only about forty minutes long and it feels like two hours! This record is a summation of everything that is self-indulgent and boring about indie rock!

[perunamuusi]

This review is from: Prince - For You (Audio CD)

When I first listened to this album, I was like "what the heck?" and I really hate disco so I hate this album. His voice sounds too feminine too. Soft and wet is the worst song ever!

 

amazon reviewers should have their benefits removed, be evicted from their house and forced to do national service with David Starkey as their Sergeant Major.

[o00o]

Godspeed You! Black Emperor

 

1.0 out of 5 stars

cheesy melodrama that repeats past efforts,

 

This review is from: Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven (Audio CD)

these guys have always annoyed me. sure their show is amazing. the first two or three times they build and build and build songs into beautiful complex walls of sound patterns are absolutely mesmerizing. but it becomes a formula when you see them live, by about the fourth song, and it has become formula here on their newest release as well.

the godspeed formula: violin, guitar and cello play a sad, deep and dark chord. someone plays a repeating line. then a recording of some bum ranting about the deconstruction of society comes in and loops: OOOO HOW DEEP and PROFOUND!....snore. thanks guys but your tribal-crusty-Neurosis-esque sincerity just comes off as kind of immature and silly.

There's no denying that these guys are the rock equivalent to Koyaniswatsi or however you spell that Phillip Glass scored profound movie about the decay of humanity. Its just that you don't need to watch that movie more than a couple of times through the years, and you don't need more Godspeed records to make you brood. Unless, of course, you are goth, in which case you probably JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH epic, depressing music. I however have had enough, thank you. give me umma gumma era floyd over this any day.

[Guest the anonymous forumite]

Godspeed You! Black Emperor

 

1.0 out of 5 stars

cheesy melodrama that repeats past efforts,

 

 

This review is from: Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven (Audio CD)

these guys have always annoyed me. sure their show is amazing. the first two or three times they build and build and build songs into beautiful complex walls of sound patterns are absolutely mesmerizing. but it becomes a formula when you see them live, by about the fourth song, and it has become formula here on their newest release as well.

the godspeed formula: violin, guitar and cello play a sad, deep and dark chord. someone plays a repeating line. then a recording of some bum ranting about the deconstruction of society comes in and loops: OOOO HOW DEEP and PROFOUND!....snore. thanks guys but your tribal-crusty-Neurosis-esque sincerity just comes off as kind of immature and silly.

There's no denying that these guys are the rock equivalent to Koyaniswatsi or however you spell that Phillip Glass scored profound movie about the decay of humanity. Its just that you don't need to watch that movie more than a couple of times through the years, and you don't need more Godspeed records to make you brood. Unless, of course, you are goth, in which case you probably JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH epic, depressing music. I however have had enough, thank you. give me umma gumma era floyd over this any day.

 

I partially agree with this review.

[kaini]

fingerbib - pretty cool i guess if your a stupid baby

 

this is fucking hilarious.