The Quietus review the new Coldplay album, they don't like it

[Hoodie]

 

This review is subjective. Reviews need to be more objective

You seen this site :) http://www.objectivegamereviews.com/

 

 

they need to redesign that website... what an eyesore.

[mcbpete]

I think it's meant to be a tongue in cheek reference to the new(ish) po-faced gaming site Polygon - http://www.polygon.com/

[Schlitze]

The Quietus editor shouldn't have let this get published. It diminishes the credibility of the mag. It's ball-achingly douchey. It makes Anthony Fantano look ultra cool. The writer hasn't picked on a subject worthy of getting angsty about. So it's easy prey. It's like the pedophile Radio 1 DJ's of the 80's who thought Barry Manilow wasn't cool enough to get any airplay. Even a douchebag blogger would probably have sidestepped a band like Coldplay to vent off about. The comments at the bottom of the article are like ''Hey man, cool review'' but these are probably Blink 182 / Sum 41 fans.

The Quietus editor has food for thought this evening about who is writing articles, but ultimately he is responsible for approving the words of this shitheel doper.

[oscillik]

 

I used to work with someone who would gleefully say things like "eff them" and "eff that" in the office.

 

It was as though they were implanting the swearword in my head, passive aggressively, which I feel is actually far more emotionally harassing than just fucking swearing. If you're going to be taboo, just do it. Don't force my brain to do the translation for you. Because that's all it is. Everyone that hears "eff that" translates it to themselves. Fuck that, it's worse than just swearing. At least you can use the emotional impact and shock if you actually swear.

I take it you've seen the Louis CK thing about this:

 

NSFW language .....

 

 

fucking hell, these posts are SPOT ON

[Guest]

I thought it was pretty entertaining!

'And so the album wends on - imagine Christ, instead of having to carry the f***ing cross to f***ing Calvary having to carry a giant, ten foot long flaccid penis instead - that’s how listening to this f***ing album feels by this stage!'

How can someone not laugh at that! Brilliant!

[MadameChaos]

I think it's time for them to do a St Pepper and take a load of psychodelics before they all turn into a pair of brown cordoroy slippers.

[beerwolf]

Chortle chortle!!

[LimpyLoo]

I think it's time for them to do a St Pepper and take a load of psychodelics before they all turn into a pair of brown cordoroy slippers.

 

Chris Martin's gonna get really weird and experimental

and eat half a Vicodin

and then the next album will have some polite tremelo'd guitar on it.

[MadameChaos]

Lol!

[poblequadrat]

I don't like C*******.

 

lol

the C word

[Braintree]

Area Man Dislikes Some Music

 

*yawn*

 

I thought it was pretty entertaining!

'And so the album wends on - imagine Christ, instead of having to carry the f***ing cross to f***ing Calvary having to carry a giant, ten foot long flaccid penis instead - that’s how listening to this f***ing album feels by this stage!'

How can someone not laugh at that! Brilliant!

 

I don't think it's funny because it's obvious. Mention a giant, flaccid penis in any context and it will get a laugh. And why would they be carrying one in the first place? The joke doesn't really make any sense, it's just vulgar for vulgar's sake.

[Guest]

Area Man Dislikes Some Music

 

*yawn*

 

I thought it was pretty entertaining!

 

'And so the album wends on - imagine Christ, instead of having to carry the f***ing cross to f***ing Calvary having to carry a giant, ten foot long flaccid penis instead - that’s how listening to this f***ing album feels by this stage!'

 

How can someone not laugh at that! Brilliant!

 

I don't think it's funny because it's obvious. Mention a giant, flaccid penis in any context and it will get a laugh. And why would they be carrying one in the first place? The joke doesn't really make any sense, it's just vulgar for vulgar's sake.

 

It's a symbol of Chris Martin's giant flaccid member weighing the whole album down - flaccid because he's so sad about his horrible breakup which is what the whole album is about. It's deep! Deeper than Gwynyth's c***washed c*** apparently.

 

[danshoebridge]

'Mr Agreeable' was originally a column in the back of 'melody maker', just a stream of abuse at various bands and musicians (usually Lenny Kravitz). The asterisks are just because that's how you got away with that sort of stuff in a weekly music paper read by teenagers.

 

I guess the guy behind it (David Stubbs I think) decided to bring him out of retirement for the new Coldplay album.

 

Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk

[Candiru]

Maybe this guy's boss didn't want so many fucks in one review.

 

Pretty much everyone in this thread clicked on the article right? Mission accomplished on their end. "Music journalists" on sites like this aren't journalists, they just create content so you look at their site and get page views/ad revenue.

[Ragnar]

warmwork

[chaofan]

Funny to a point, but I thought it went over the line with personal insults towards Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, by all means, rip the piss out of the music, but this:

 

'Martin got married to f***ing Gwyneth Paltrow, that ghastly, gulping, giraffe-necked, sick-making long drink of carb-averse goop'

 

was a bit much for a record review.

 

 

[usagi]

embarrassing

[Candiru]

Conscious uncoupling though. They seriously said that shit.

 

"Hey man, where's Gwyneth I thought you two were like all..."

 

"We're... Consciously Uncoupled *sobs* my soul is dying and I'll never be happy again and the world has turned to a dull grey that mocks me with the distant sound of children's laughter while roses are put through a meat grinder and come out the other side looking like shredded road kill on a humid day in early august."

 

Deep.

[modey]

Maybe this guy's boss didn't want so many fucks in one review.

 

Pretty much everyone in this thread clicked on the article right? Mission accomplished on their end. "Music journalists" on sites like this aren't journalists, they just create content so you look at their site and get page views/ad revenue.

The Quietus is usually alright though. I know a guy who writes articles for them and his stuff doesn't rely on tired gimmicks.

[baph]

Folks, I think he was just trying to derive humor from the idea that anyone could get that excited about coldplay, one way or the other.

 

I mean, seriously low-hanging fruit, though.

[LimpyLoo]

I would like to consciously couple Gwyneth Paltrow.

[Soloman Tump]

Did you hear that German synth pop group who covered their song "Talk"?

 

Its really crappy and sounds like it was made in the 80s or something.

 

C******* rule.

[pcock]

why are you guys so pissy about an obvious joke.

 

 

taking the piss out of coldplay is fine in my book.

[delet...]

 

Can't stand people that censor swearwords. Just don't bother swearing if you haven't got the temerity.

I thought I was the only person that was irked by this ridiculous custom that people seem to have.

 

People that replace "fuck" with "eff", "bastard" with "bee", etc... need to either grow some balls and say what they really want to say, or find a word that they're not afraid of saying in front of people and use that instead.

 

Implying swearing, without actually swearing, is rather silly.

 

 

 

Replacing bastard with bee etc. is the Coldplay of language.

 

That said, sometimes i go fking or cnt. and i don't give a sht wht y mthrfkrs thnk.

 

EDIT: i don't say these things out loud, would be weird, if i want to be PG there are plenty of other words which one could use that aren't swearing but add impact to a statement. Eloquence also helps.

[delet...]

shitheel doper.

 

shitheel p cool word i think, won't be adding it to my vocabulary but i like the way it sounds today.