Boasting

[sine nomine]

1 hour ago, toaoaoad said:

I can only speak for myself, but I'm aware that one of the reasons this type of behaviour bothers me so much in others is that it points to my own regrets, sense of personal shortcomings etc. It's annoying, antisocial behaviour in and of itself, but if it bothers you that deeply there's probably more going on. Honestly can't say tho as that's your personal stuff. But if it's a committed relationship, then half of this equation is yours. 

No, I'm not projecting any of my short comings at all, matter of fact—I like that she's done so much and is driven to do more, to add—I have my own interests, work endeavors and hobbies that I feel quite satisfied with having done, it's a whole different thing though when it becomes consistent and unwarranted, the constant need for sharing her achievements, travel stories and what restaurants she's been to, that is.

There's other traits that follow suit, like she's overly friendly, especially with the opposite sex and she's expressed to me that that is very important to her, attention and affection. I trust her with everything though, she's a good egg, but insecurity definitely seems to be a thing for me to consider. 

I digress though, this post is about boasting/bragging and making things about oneself.

[sine nomine]

5 hours ago, luke viia said:

I am curious, sine, will you tell her any of this? 

While I do not want to pass judgment on you, and obviously am working with a small piece of the story, I could not imagine dating someone and publicly calling them a boastful douchebag whose personality I hate and who makes me want to vomit. Likewise, it pains me to imagine any former partner of mine speaking this way about me while staying at my side. This relationship seems destined to inflict pain. 

Just talked to her about the above mentioned situation this morning, and like with every negative thing we encounter about eachother—we listen to eachother and resolve it.

And yes I call her out on things all the time, and I've called her boastful before and to stop making things about her. She can also be very honest with me and dish it out but has a hard time being criticized and cries about it. Literally. 

She will also gossip behind people's backs, like saying my mum looks old and got really angry with me when I joked that I told my mum she said that about her. 

I tell her that it's alright to miss out sometimes, you don't have to always win or do everything there is to do or think you aren't loved just because I don't give you attention. So yeah, I'm very honest with her.

Anyways, I'm digressing again. 

Edited May 26, 2021 by sine nomine

[sine nomine]

1 hour ago, Himelstein said:

I don’t like to boast or brag because I’m better than everyone.

 

For real, tho- it is totally a self esteem thing. It seriously makes me feel sad for people and uncomfortable when they are trying really hard to impress like that. It’s been said in this thread, but social media has really amped the boasting concept. Did anyone see that thing- I wanna say it was the “humans of New York guy”- where that girl was posting on fb or ig “gettin crazy in the club tonight!” like she was partying really hard. But then a guy who was actually in the bar across from her was randomly following her acct or something and he took a picture of her drinking alone minutes after she posted? That shit really makes me depressed.

What are you doing there? 

[chenGOD]

1 hour ago, toaoaoad said:

How is this helpful/what is this supposed to contribute to the thread? You're a mod, why don't you act like one? 

I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast, but I’m intercontinental when I eat French toast. 

[Ivan Ooze]

I was with a girl for 4 years and she acted exactly like sine nomine's gf.

Glad i dumped her lol

[ambermonk]

I can't boast about a relationship because I've never been in one.

There are advantages to this, but at the same time I often feel worthless.

[Himelstein]

1 hour ago, sine nomine said:

What are you doing there? 

That was definitely a joke, haha, damn- I really can’t seem to pull off any “meta” humor unless I’m in person I guess.

I would never say something so ridiculous and be serious. 

Edited May 26, 2021 by Himelstein

[colunga]

the more i think about it this thread is a sly boast about having a hot dom live in girlfriend

[whosebrian]

4 hours ago, sine nomine said:

I hate talking about myself and achievements or whatever else, unless asked.

Nice boast.

[Himelstein]

10 minutes ago, ambermonke said:

I can't boast about a relationship because I've never been in one.

There are advantages to this, but at the same time I often feel worthless.

You’re not worthless, nobody is. 

[dingformung]

12 minutes ago, ambermonke said:

I often feel worthless

Your worth is not defined by your income, your title, your buying power, your ability to conform to some imaginary standards (that really don't exist). You are of great value to the world because you are alive. Life is not a game; it is the most important thing.

Your self-worth is not defined by your material contribution or the position you hold in society. Your worth is defined by your very existence. Life is not a game; nor is it a competition. You don’t have to take life so serious. When you do, it ceases to be fun – at least for you.

Don’t judge yourself by external standards. You don't owe anyone perfection.

Edited May 26, 2021 by dingformung

[Himelstein]

1 minute ago, dingformung said:

Your worth is not defined by your income, your title, your buying power, your ability to conform to some imaginary standards (that really don't exist). You are of great value to the world because you are alive. Life is not a game; it is the most important thing.

This world is not a hotel to be checked out of when you are bored with it.

Give yourself permission: to be here now, to live in this life with all its challenges and joys, to love yourself for who you are. Allow yourself to be who you are. Allow yourself to be happy. Your self-worth is not defined by your material contribution or the position you hold in society. Your worth is defined by your very existence. Life is not a game; nor is it a competition. You don’t have to take life so serious. When you do, it ceases to be fun – at least for you.

Don’t judge yourself by external standards

Have you ever noticed that the only person who can criticize you perfectly is yourself? Have you ever noticed that the only person who can judge you perfectly is yourself? Have you ever noticed that there isn’t a single standard in the world that you will not meet?

No man is your judge. The only person who can judge you is yourself. And only you can be your judge. You are the ultimate authority on yourself. Only you possess the full knowledge of who you are and what you have done. No one else knows everything about you. No one else sees with the same eyes as yours. No one else has lived your life as you have – with all its triumphs and failures, successes and setbacks, its joys and sorrows, its delights and disappointments. You are the final arbiter of your own worth.

No one can be a better judge of who you are than yourself. No one knows better than yourself how much effort you put into being who you are; how much courage it has taken to be who you have been; how much honesty it has taken to live out this life as it has unfolded before you.

You don't owe anyone perfection. And the plants need your breath. 

Well said 

[Thu Zaw]

If your partner has character traits that wind you up now, those traits are gonna drive you up the wall in a couple of years time and it will bring out the worst in you as a result. 

One can never expect a partner to change their ways. Thinking you can wait for your partner to work on their insecurities and everything will be fine after is naïve. 

The only person whose behaviour and response you can change is you own. So, you can change how you respond to and feel about your partner's behaviours, or maybe she's not the one. 

[ooqpoo]

Each time you do a groundshaking bellyopera of a belch it's the body proudly boasting its bewildering skills of noise. Same goes for farts of the loud n' proud variety. 

 

 

[sine nomine]

15 minutes ago, ooqpoo said:

Each time you do a groundshaking bellyopera of a belch it's the body proudly boasting its bewildering skills of noise. Same goes for farts of the loud n' proud variety. 

 

 

Thanks for that poo, just did a proud and loud one, had to leave the room though, yep that bad haha

[Satans Little Helper]

Must say I'm getting a ton of red flags about her from just reading the way you described her. (overly friendly, especially to the opposite sex? completely full of herself? i bet she's one of those toxic types who can be incredibly charming at first, but tend to a complete waste of time. sounds to me like you're being used as a piece of furniture in her personal produced movie about herself)

Obviously, nobody's perfect, but if you happen to wonder whether or not she's worth your time, I'd consider the question whether you think you can see each other grow together. If you do, go right ahead.

If you suspect it's always going to be like it is now, without any form of personal and mutual growth in the relationship. And I mean something positive which you two can share. That's when I would opt out. But it's up to you.

6 months though. It probably won't get any better than it currently is. 

Also important whether or not you've had experience with other relationships (longer than 6 months) in the past. If you have, trust your own experience. Don't listen to me. If you haven't, be very wary. This is not the best first kind of gf to learn about relationships, imo.

Edited May 26, 2021 by Satans Little Helper

[Himelstein]

3 hours ago, ooqpoo said:

Each time you do a groundshaking bellyopera of a belch it's the body proudly boasting its bewildering skills of noise. Same goes for farts of the loud n' proud variety. 

 

 

Or if the smell is particularly exotic, you can be proud like “damn, I did this. I am amazing”

[dingformung]

5 hours ago, Thu Zaw said:

If your partner has character traits that wind you up now, those traits are gonna drive you up the wall in a couple of years time and it will bring out the worst in you as a result. 

One can never expect a partner to change their ways. Thinking you can wait for your partner to work on their insecurities and everything will be fine after is naïve. 

The only person whose behaviour and response you can change is you own. So, you can change how you respond to and feel about your partner's behaviours, or maybe she's not the one. 

I disagree. Relationships are a transient oscillation, an entrainment, a build-up of mutual resonance, a harmonising or invigorating vibration. We change constantly and we change along other people's energies. We may not stay together for the rest of our lives (or even be alive), but a relationship can last for years, and it is thanks to a particular vibration which we created together and which can still influence us long after we have parted. Our interactions with others are not always conscious, but most of them are, and that's why they are so important. 

You see, if you disagree with someone's opinion on something or if you dislike them for any reason, it doesn't really matter. You wouldn't have been friends with them in the first place if your vibrations were too different: You would have rejected each other at first sight. If you are forced to live with someone who causes friction or discomfort, then it means that a part of you has resonated with theirs at some point in time, and now you need to heal those vibrations because they no longer serve your higher purpose: They are only feeding the ego that is separating you from yourself.

[Berk]

Ask her the pivotal question from the covid thread:

"how can an animal be bread????"

 

And hear what she responds to that

[Berk]

4 hours ago, Satans Little Helper said:

Must say I'm getting a ton of red flags about her from just reading the way you described her. (overly friendly, especially to the opposite sex? completely full of herself? i bet she's one of those toxic types who can be incredibly charming at first, but tend to a complete waste of time. sounds to me like you're being used as a piece of furniture in her personal produced movie about herself)

Obviously, nobody's perfect, but if you happen to wonder whether or not she's worth your time, I'd consider the question whether you think you can see each other grow together. If you do, go right ahead.

If you suspect it's always going to be like it is now, without any form of personal and mutual growth in the relationship. And I mean something positive which you two can share. That's when I would opt out. But it's up to you.

6 months though. It probably won't get any better than it currently is. 

Also important whether or not you've had experience with other relationships (longer than 6 months) in the past. If you have, trust your own experience. Don't listen to me. If you haven't, be very wary. This is not the best first kind of gf to learn about relationships, imo.

Gotta say I agree with this post. had a similar experience with a girl years ago, but worse i guess. she had npd i think in hindsight. i wasn't able to talk about her behaviour without getting into fights for sure. we got into fights all the time regardless. she was lying all the time about big and small things. 

if you feel manipulated constantly, or have a gut feeling about that, then quit it. if it feels "right" then continue i guess. i don't know if you came to look for advice or are just blowing off some steam

[dingformung]

4 hours ago, Satans Little Helper said:

Must say I'm getting a ton of red flags about her from just reading the way you described her.

The way he describes her is the way he describes her and not necessarily the way she is and may say more about him than about her, though. Something to consider. But you are Satan's Little Helper so nobody should listen to you (as you admitted yourself).

Your advice to separate might be a good advice, though, as there are always two sides of the story and we only know one. It might be good for her if he leaves her and she can move on. It might be very good.

On the other hand, she's his mother and he should love her, no matter how she is. I would say that if he can't help her, at least he can let her know that he loves her and that he wants to help her become a better human. He can try to get her to a professional or something. As she is his mother, she also needs him and wants to be with him.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it's the least we can do for our mothers.

[MaartenVC]

Talk.
 

Spoiler

Just thinking out loud here:
Maybe tell her somehow (I don't know how precisely) that the act of boasting is something you don't feel all too comfortable with / you feel is a trait you don't particularity like as much / you find not to be a very nice thing for people to do.
It might hurt her feelings though, but than again, it's you as a couple being honest to each other.
She might understand and thus try to work on it (boasting less) for the both of you.
And you can say you'll sort of be okay with it if she happens to boast from time to time by accident.
Agree on things together.

Worst case scenario however, she might completely deny it. Maybe even hold a grudge on you. That would suck though.
But, if she loves you / if she's a good person she should at least give it listen.

Or make her realize in a completely different way: (not passive aggressive though)
With comedy. (in a silly way, not in way that would hurt her feelings)
Or by pointing out people famous for bragging as people you don't like.
Or by pointing out people famous for being humble as people you like. (this one might work well)
Or by boasting yourself and then correcting yourself. (this one might come of as fake / rehearsed)
Dunno.
Whatever you think would work best.

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by MaartenVC

[sine nomine]

4 hours ago, dingformung said:

The way he describes her is the way he describes her and not necessarily the way she is and may say more about him than about her, though. Something to consider. But you are Satan's Little Helper so nobody should listen to you (as you admitted yourself).

Your advice to separate might be a good advice, though, as there are always two sides of the story and we only know one. It might be good for her if he leaves her and she can move on. It might be very good.

On the other hand, she's his mother and he should love her, no matter how she is. I would say that if he can't help her, at least he can let her know that he loves her and that he wants to help her become a better human. He can try to get her to a professional or something. As she is his mother, she also needs him and wants to be with him.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it's the least we can do for our mothers.

You stopped making sense after this. 

[dingformung]

Love is a myriad of variations in perseverance. Love is a myriad of variations on patience. Love is a myriad of variations in tenderness. Love is a myriad of variations in trust. Love is a myriad of variations of belief. Love is prayer.

[Satans Little Helper]