Post terrible idea for films

[baph]

Untitled Aronofsky Project: A man (Christian Bale) believes that he can achieve a state of perfect lucidity by repetitively listening to "Willy Bum Bum," but in doing so alienates his wife (Rachel Weisz).

 

 

 

Alien 5

 

Ellen Ripley is awakened in hyper sleep aboard the Sulaco. Confused, she slowly rises and thinks hard about where she is and what has happened. She realizes that her bizarre escapades on a prison planet where she dies and then is resurrected and brought aboard a cargo vessel as a hybrid alien human were just dreams. She checks on the other passengers. Sadly Hicks has died in hyper sleep from the injuries sustained in their battle on LV426. Newt is still alive and sleeping soundly. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, Ellen finds herself connecting the remains of Bishop so that she can have someone to talk to. This is the recording of their profound conversations about life, the universe, and our bleak and insignificant place on it.

 

Done all Dogma 95 style. Directed by Lars Von Trier.

 

lol I'd watch the hell out of this

[MisterE]

pattern the idea of retconning the alien(s) series so that 3 and the other one which i've never watched and basically refuse to, never happened, is a good enough idea that i think it nullifies anything else about it that may have been shitty

[fenton]

Hannisesthia: The Reckoning

 

40 years later, Hannibal Lector is on his death bed in a two bed room at a secure psycho hospital with a bored and mute celebrity chef, played by a celebrity chef.

 

Dr Lector recites in long details recipes which he can't quite remember, in between frequent calls for his catheter to be emptied and vividly shot 3D sponge baths.

[Guest Atom Dowry Firth]

To avoid becoming embroiled in a lengthy legal dispute with the makers of the 1970 smash hit Space Amoeba, I have been forced to change the name of my last submission to Space Gland

[Soloman Tump]

To avoid becoming embroiled in a lengthy legal dispute with the makers of the 1970 smash hit Space Amoeba, I have been forced to change the name of my last submission to Space Gland

:emotawesomepm9:

 

If you google "space gland" it comes up with something about warhammer. Hope games workshop don't sue you either.

[auxien]

Sadly Hicks has died in hyper sleep from the injuries sustained in their battle on LV426. Newt ....sleeping soundly. Ellen finds herself connecting the remains of Bishop. ....profound conversations about life, the universe, and our bleak and insignificant place on it.

 

 

This is basically Alien 3, ya know. I'll never understand why people hate it, it's great. /mini-rant

[Soloman Tump]

The Chancellor

This hard-hitting docu-drama follows the 24 hours leading up to the chancellor of the exchequer delivering the 2014 budget to the house of commons.

 

This is actually going to be a TV series shot in the style of "24", including fly-on-the-wall phone calls, lengthy discussions on budget formalities, 3 full recitals of the actual budget speech, toilet breaks, meal times and at least 6 hours of sleep.

 

Rated PG-13, contains mild peril and scenes that many British citizens may find distressing.

 

 

 

 

[MadameChaos]

The Silence

 

A black and white swedish film in which a blonde man and lady stare out of the window at the sea. No one speaks and nothing happens. Run time 5 hours 42 minutes.

Edited June 3, 2014 by MadameChaos

[Guest Atom Dowry Firth]

This Is Story (2): The Motion Picture

 

Brian Blessed stars as all of the characters that appear in This Is Story (2) in this faithful adaptation of the source material, narrated by Morgan Freeman. Directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky

[azatoth]

The Friends movie was the only genuinely terrible movie idea in this thread.

[patternoverlap]

 

Sadly Hicks has died in hyper sleep from the injuries sustained in their battle on LV426. Newt ....sleeping soundly. Ellen finds herself connecting the remains of Bishop. ....profound conversations about life, the universe, and our bleak and insignificant place on it.

 

 

This is basically Alien 3, ya know. I'll never understand why people hate it, it's great. /mini-rant

 

 

I love 3, I only ret conned it for the sake of convenience for the plot.

[MadameChaos]

Ant Christ

 

A cross between Jesus of Nazareth and The Passion of the Christ, this epic biopic chronicles the life of the messiah as it would have been if he was an ant. In real time we watch the wonder that is our everlasting lord unfold in live action, as he walks on water, feeds the 5,000 with a crumb and a few fish scales, and is eventually crucifed on a twig. The voices will be done by whoever won an oscar that year, directed by Werner Herzog.

Edited June 3, 2014 by MadameChaos

[Audioblysk]

A yuletide carol - A movie starring Sean Connery as an ex Navy Seal who spent years butchering foreign dignitaries and keeping America safe. Obviously, those days are behind him and since then he has become a feeble old man with a pile of medical bills that mounted during his wife's untimely death from cancer. He is forced to get work as a mall Santa. His work makes him depressed, seeing all these kids with everything bitching about how they want an I-phone from Santa. Until, a little boy with tattered clothes and no parents visits him, he asks the kid all Sean Connery-like 'What do you want for chrishmash little boy' and the child responds he just wants a toy to play with and a bed to call his own. This touches Mr. Connery and he heads to his work-shop/garage and starts crafting toys for the little boy out of old Nazi-peg-legs and gun stocks. He returns to the mall to find out the boy has cancer. This makes him mad.

 

This is the part where he goes on a killing spree and cures the boy of cancer via bloodshed and vengance, slaughtering crappy parents and their mindless children. The movie ends as he stands back-lit in the door-way of the hospital and says - covered in blood- 'merry christmash little boy' and gives the kid a box of Nazi gold, home-made toys of beautiful quality and his war medals and walks off, trailing blood with each step.

 

BOOM

[Soloman Tump]

The Friends movie was the only genuinely terrible movie idea in this thread.

Thanks.

 

I worked hard on my lunch break to pitch that one

[Guest M360]

Ant Christ

 

A cross between Jesus of Nazareth and The Passion of the Christ, this epic biopic chronicles the life of the messiah as it would have been if he was an ant. In real time we watch the wonder that is our everlasting lord unfold in live action, as he walks on water, feeds the 5,000 with a crumb and a few fish scales, and is eventually crucifed on a twig. The voices will be done by whoever won an oscar that year, directed by Werner Herzog.

Would this be like Milo and Otis, using live ants or like the cgi Antz ?

[ambermonk]

Oh shit, how did I miss Ant Christ

[MisterE]

The Silence

 

A black and white swedish film in which a blonde man and lady stare out of the window at the sea. No one speaks and nothing happens. Run time 5 hours 42 minutes.

didn't andy warhol make a few dozen 'films' like this Edited June 3, 2014 by MisterE

[Silent Member]

The omadon dream or is it?

A philosophical fable, starring, written, and directed by Jaden Smith. Produced by Will Smith.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Gocab

[MadameChaos]

 

Ant Christ

 

A cross between Jesus of Nazareth and The Passion of the Christ, this epic biopic chronicles the life of the messiah as it would have been if he was an ant. In real time we watch the wonder that is our everlasting lord unfold in live action, as he walks on water, feeds the 5,000 with a crumb and a few fish scales, and is eventually crucifed on a twig. The voices will be done by whoever won an oscar that year, directed by Werner Herzog.

Would this be like Milo and Otis, using live ants or like the cgi Antz ?

No cgi dammit! Real ants!!!

 

 

The Silence

 

A black and white swedish film in which a blonde man and lady stare out of the window at the sea. No one speaks and nothing happens. Run time 5 hours 42 minutes.

didn't andy warhol make a few dozen 'films' like this

I was thinking more Bergman, Andy Warhol insists upon himself.

[auxien]

 

 

Sadly Hicks has died in hyper sleep from the injuries sustained in their battle on LV426. Newt ....sleeping soundly. Ellen finds herself connecting the remains of Bishop. ....profound conversations about life, the universe, and our bleak and insignificant place on it.

 

 

This is basically Alien 3, ya know. I'll never understand why people hate it, it's great. /mini-rant

 

 

I love 3, I only ret conned it for the sake of convenience for the plot.

 

 

Oh I see. Just used to seeing 3 bashed and my trigger finger jerked.

 

Movie idea: Aliens vs. Predators vs. Godzilla

[psn]

Ricochetshaw

 

Ricky leads a double life. During the day he works as a rickshaw pilot for his fathers rickshaw fleet company. And at night he works as an assassin for the mafia. When his father asks him to take over the company, he is faced with a fateful dilemma. What if his father learns that Ricky Rickshaw is known as Ricky Ricochet half the time? And what if the mafia's expectations can't be met? Chaos and violence ensues as Ricky takes the rickshaw for a spin around town, cleaning up the underworld.

[ambermonk]

Ok, think I have one finally.

No Man's Land - Three orphaned chihuahua siblings - José, Juanita, and Max - must stick together as a pack to survive the outskirts of post-apocalypse Albuquerque after a supposed giant underground meth lab explosion. All humans are evacuated from the city, but the three chihuahuas venture there to discover the truth. They must hunt squirrels, jerboas, and crickets as prey to survive, while avoiding becoming prey themselves to hawks, coyotes, and AK47-wielding bandits.

This film is not yet rated.

Edited June 3, 2014 by ambermonk

[Silent Member]

Mel Gibson's

Triumph of the will 2

[Guest Atom Dowry Firth]

Joseph and the Technicolour Dream Goat

 

A goat made of light and dreams goes on a rampage through Missouri, befriending a stoner called Joseph on the way. Through a series of telepathic communications visualised through the medium of interpretive dance, Joseph finds out that the goat was created accidentally when Monsanto attempted to make goats' milk a bit more exciting. Now wanted by the police as an accessory to the dream goat's crimes, Joseph realises he needs to help the goat confront it's creators and expose Monsanto for what they have done in order to clear his name so he can go back to chilling out on the sofa. Joseph's amateur cryptography skills are tested to the max as he and the goat embark on a rollercoaster journey of intrigue and discovery. Eventually they manage to uncover the truth and the goat finally comes to terms with it's existence (visualised through the medium of interpretive dance). They go on to found the world's first ever disco farm.

[baph]

In all seriousness, I just want to say that I really hope Ghost in My Shoes! gets made.

Edited June 3, 2014 by baph