Flatmate woes

[kakapo]

Yo,

 

Came home today to find housemate's boyfriend sitting in the living room with his laptop set up and using it as a study. He'd been there all day while she was at work.

 

I'm not seeking advice, I know what I'm doing. It will be a polite conversation about how she's a lovely flatmate, they're a lovely couple, but there are boundaries etc.

 

Just interested to know what other people's boundaries are. I tend to work on the principle of 3 nights a week max, but they are guests, the flatmate takes full responsibility for them and that there is never any need for them to be staying over at the house on their own. Reasonable?

[user]

Yeah very much reasonable, I'd make exceptions if I was banging the same girl and maybe let the boyfriend stay over from time time to if he stays in her room. (except for bathroom breaks, if it's a shit, otherwise use a jug or bottle)

[Joyrex]

There is no justification for her friend to be in your apartment while she is away. If he's there, then she should be. End of story.

[LimpyLoo]

"Woe!"

 

 

Seriously though, the boundary with me is that the person in the bf's position should be as unobtrusive and take up as little space as possible. He should be hanging out in flatmate's room, as that is the part of the apartment that is 100% hers.

[kakapo]

Out! Out! Vile Jelly!

[awepittance]

if he's contributing to the rent in some way, makes sense for him to be using it as 'his' space. but i agree with joyrex. I sort of hate it when people push the boundaries of what's decent until you actually have to call them on it. I think people like this are pretty selfish and when you *do* call them on it usually act defensive and gas light the situation.

[kakapo]

Gas lighting housemates are my pet hate. Had to deal with it far too many times.

[LimpyLoo]

It's probably best that you murder them both.

[kakapo]

I murdered a previous flatmate by constructing a very large catapult in the back garden and luring him onto it and firing him several hundred metres into the air. The catapult was then dismantled and burnt. He was West African and we're in the Heathrow flight path so the police came to the conclusion that he must have been trying to smuggle himself aboard a passing jumbo jet, and fell from the undercarriage compartment when it was coming into land. Perfect murder.

[LimpyLoo]

Good for you, man.

[kakapo]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2200947/Man-dead-street-Heathrow-flight-path-illegal-immigrant-stowaway.html

[LimpyLoo]

"Woe!'

[Guest Iain C]

Her room, fine. Communal space, she should run it past you first. But unless he's being very intrusive, making himself cups of tea etc, I'd be alright with it - along with the understanding that I'm free to come in, smoke a spliff and fart a lot.

 

I've lived in some shit / messy / overcrowded situations over the past few years, so I'm a pretty tolerant housemate as long as you're tidy and don't have sex too loudly.

[BCM]

i wouldn't have a problem with it so long as he wasn't a cunt. is he a cunt?

[kakapo]

No, he's not a cunt, seems like a nice enough lad and he's reasonably considerate.

 

Joint tenancy, no locks on doors, technically no such thing as individual rooms. Also had problems in the past with a flatmate's one night stand robbing me of about 4 grands worth of stuff and another flatmate's partner going through my room when I was away for a couple of days. Also possible issues with insurance. So it's not just about feeling put out, there are practical considerations.

[spratters]

Have you tried walking through the room with your vegetables hanging out?

[gaarg]

It's all about how you all feel and agreements. Make love, not war.

[Guest uptown devil]

my previous roommate, who was an epic douche bag, would often let his girlfriend stay there when he wasn't home. a few times she'd even have her kid and her dog with her as well. occasionally i would get woken up by her blasting skrillex through my floor boards. he was getting evicted in a month or two so i let it happen, but during that time i was constantly fantasizing about kicking his door down and smashing everything in the room with a baseball bat while they sat and watched.

 

i'd probably have been okay with it if they both weren't completely inconsiderate cunts though.. and if it were me i would ask my roommates' permission first.

[mcbpete]

Joint tenancy, no locks on doors, technically no such thing as individual rooms. Also had problems in the past with a flatmate's one night stand robbing me of about 4 grands worth of stuff....

Yep, as someone who too has had stuff taken (also joint tenancy, no locks on doors) as a result of my old flatmates girlfriend staying when he wasn't in (though this was a long term thing over the course of 18 months) I totally feel your frustration and if she's not there he definitely shouldn't be there. He could've copied keys whilst you were all out for all she knows (which we suspect is what happened at mine)

 

Slowly over time I lost: DVDs (including Twin Peaks box set), Blu Rays (including my German import of Enter The Void where I had to try and traverse Amazon.de dispute not knowing a word of the language), PS3 games, my backup lappy and most expensive of all my DSLR macro camera lens. Apart from the last two which went in the final week, they were going so slowly that I was convinced I had misplaced them and that I was going crazy - it became apparent that I wasn't.

[jhonny]

Joyrex is on the money, if they aren't around then their partners shouldn't be there. And they should only be around infrequently, not usually.

[delet...]

if he's contributing to the rent in some way, makes sense for him to be using it as 'his' space. but i agree with joyrex. I sort of hate it when people push the boundaries of what's decent until you actually have to call them on it. I think people like this are pretty selfish and when you *do* call them on it usually act defensive and gas light the situation.

 

Pretty much.

 

I had a flatmate (years ago, when i tolerated people in my home), and his g/f was always fucking over. Eventually he said that she'd be moving in. So we said, yeah sure, but she's going to have to contribute to the rent. We didn't ask for much, just a token 10th, to acknowledge that the house was going to be fuller and that she was going to be using communal spaces. He went apeshit. He was like that, never did housework, you'd mention all his dishes you'd just washed, he pushes his apeshit button, and so on and so forth. He then moved out over it, heh mores the pity.

 

Some people are just jerks, and this is how it starts. crush it now before the behaviour becomes intrenched. And if they protest, piss them off for better tenants.

 

I murdered a previous flatmate by constructing a very large catapult in the back garden and luring him onto it and firing him several hundred metres into the air. The catapult was then dismantled and burnt. He was West African and we're in the Heathrow flight path so the police came to the conclusion that he must have been trying to smuggle himself aboard a passing jumbo jet, and fell from the undercarriage compartment when it was coming into land. Perfect murder.

 

Well done.

[keltoi]

he's sitting in all day leeching your facilities and electricity... politely tell him to fuck off.

[BCM]

I think kakapo needs to get his own place. Is this a practical possibility? Whereabouts in London are you atm?

[fenton]

Maybe his place is being fumigated or maybe she wants him to wait in for a parcel or maybe both and the parcel is full of drugs.

[auxien]

one question: did you and your flatmate discuss the boundaries of other people staying over and such previous to moving in together?