The Avengers (2012)

[baph]

yeah i LOLed heartily at the end of the mist too

 

 

LOL

[wahrk]

yeah i LOLed heartily at the end of the mist too

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJhVM930YXY

 

LOL

 

...what?

[baph]

use of the Dead Can Dance track Host of Seraphim post-Baraka, as in at the end of The Mist, is basically the laziest way of trying to wring some pathos out of your shitty script, and everyone who watches the last scene in The Mist should call up Frank Darabont and fucking laugh at him over the phone until he cries himself to sleep.

 

And the association with The Mist has basically ruined Baraka and Dead Can Dance forever. It's like playing Barber's Adagio for Strings over footage of some guy cutting his finger, now.

 

EDIT: I HAVE OPINIONS

[dr lopez]

wow this was a complete waste of an evening. Classes just ended, spring is in the air and no one on campus can shut the fuck up about this movie because both Whedon and Penn hail from these parts. Pathetic, pandering and plodding dialog, hilarious horn hats and the usual nondescript unestablished enemy armies that die easily were on the menu tonight. And what does the baddie even want? War? or is it the super specific and emotionally-taught concept of power? Yeah, yell in smarmy english to a bunch of wealthy germans at a gallery opening. Cause that makes sense. Oh wait, it was only to set up an incredibly pointless-throwaway line about Captain America fighting Germans? That's it? Really? So many movie-making fails in the first 45 minutes almost made me walk out. Luckily it was saved by the limited chemistry between Ruffalo and Downey jr. Yeah I know the smarmy cunty thing is played out at this point, but he should be commended for trying to make his character have a little more depth just his name and occupation. And props to Ruffalo who played Hulk as.... Mark Ruffalo who then becomes the Hulk. His shy-yet-still-attractive depressive persona actually pleasantly worked in this setting, certainly pulled it off better than Bana and Norton. None of this can be said at ALL for Sam Jackson and Scarlett. They should be ashamed. Mace Windu disease all over this one, no joke. I'm beginning to think Jackson just takes the paycheck and proceeds to troll audiences on camera because wow was this truly phoned in. And Scarlett was so dead on screen that I was actually turned off. I'll take Gwyneth walking away from me in in bare feet and jorts please? And huh? They all decided to band together after fighting just because some wormy middle-aged dork died that they admit ON SCREEN they knew nothing about? "He's like a cellist or something i dunno.." How is that cinematic motivation? Was he supposed to like represent the repressed comic book collectors around the world, who all have day jobs but are just dorks at heart? It's everyone's dream come true if all your heroes suddenly care about you... but only if you die after pretty lamely trying to be a hero yourself? Was that Whedon's message? fucking lol. I guess I can get behind that.

 

ughh should have just watched manos or laserblast. would have had much more fun with probably comparable levels of acting!

[Guest zaphod]

oh man go watch a movie about armenian sheep wranglers or something, what did you honestly expect?

[Guest Blanket Fort Collapse]

lol

[dr lopez]

oh man go watch a movie about armenian sheep wranglers or something, what did you honestly expect?

 

 

best comic book movie i've ever seen.

[Guest zaphod]

i stand by that statement.

[doorjamb]

biff pow zorp snikt thok whoosh tha-koom

[lumpenprol]

wow this was a complete waste of an evening. Classes just ended, spring is in the air and no one on campus can shut the fuck up about this movie because both Whedon and Penn hail from these parts. Pathetic, pandering and plodding dialog, hilarious horn hats and the usual nondescript unestablished enemy armies that die easily were on the menu tonight. And what does the baddie even want? War? or is it the super specific and emotionally-taught concept of power? Yeah, yell in smarmy english to a bunch of wealthy germans at a gallery opening. Cause that makes sense. Oh wait, it was only to set up an incredibly pointless-throwaway line about Captain America fighting Germans? That's it? Really? So many movie-making fails in the first 45 minutes almost made me walk out. Luckily it was saved by the limited chemistry between Ruffalo and Downey jr. Yeah I know the smarmy cunty thing is played out at this point, but he should be commended for trying to make his character have a little more depth just his name and occupation. And props to Ruffalo who played Hulk as.... Mark Ruffalo who then becomes the Hulk. His shy-yet-still-attractive depressive persona actually pleasantly worked in this setting, certainly pulled it off better than Bana and Norton. None of this can be said at ALL for Sam Jackson and Scarlett. They should be ashamed. Mace Windu disease all over this one, no joke. I'm beginning to think Jackson just takes the paycheck and proceeds to troll audiences on camera because wow was this truly phoned in. And Scarlett was so dead on screen that I was actually turned off. I'll take Gwyneth walking away from me in in bare feet and jorts please? And huh? They all decided to band together after fighting just because some wormy middle-aged dork died that they admit ON SCREEN they knew nothing about? "He's like a cellist or something i dunno.." How is that cinematic motivation? Was he supposed to like represent the repressed comic book collectors around the world, who all have day jobs but are just dorks at heart? It's everyone's dream come true if all your heroes suddenly care about you... but only if you die after pretty lamely trying to be a hero yourself? Was that Whedon's message? fucking lol. I guess I can get behind that.

 

ughh should have just watched manos or laserblast. would have had much more fun with probably comparable levels of acting!

can't argue with anything in there. Although I thought Sam Jackson's assistant chick was hotter than either Gwyneth or Scarlet(t?).

[Kanakori]

Lol that's what I predicted the film would be like. Thanks for confirming it to me lopz.

Not watching.

[Guest Blanket Fort Collapse]

Yes, I agree that the SHIELD mega hotty was indeed hotter than Gwen or Scarlett.

 

 

Paltrow and Johansen can look insanely beautiful in certain particular conditions but in this movie she pwned them on cutey patooty mega sexy wanna marry that bitch status.

 

EDIT: I gotta disclaim that I'm a big fan of brunettes and I think Scarlett is pretty much a shitty actress (especially when she gets anywhere near a Marvel film).

[syd syside]

wow this was a complete waste of an evening. Classes just ended, spring is in the air and no one on campus can shut the fuck up about this movie because both Whedon and Penn hail from these parts. Pathetic, pandering and plodding dialog, hilarious horn hats and the usual nondescript unestablished enemy armies that die easily were on the menu tonight. And what does the baddie even want? War? or is it the super specific and emotionally-taught concept of power? Yeah, yell in smarmy english to a bunch of wealthy germans at a gallery opening. Cause that makes sense. Oh wait, it was only to set up an incredibly pointless-throwaway line about Captain America fighting Germans? That's it? Really? So many movie-making fails in the first 45 minutes almost made me walk out. Luckily it was saved by the limited chemistry between Ruffalo and Downey jr. Yeah I know the smarmy cunty thing is played out at this point, but he should be commended for trying to make his character have a little more depth just his name and occupation. And props to Ruffalo who played Hulk as.... Mark Ruffalo who then becomes the Hulk. His shy-yet-still-attractive depressive persona actually pleasantly worked in this setting, certainly pulled it off better than Bana and Norton. None of this can be said at ALL for Sam Jackson and Scarlett. They should be ashamed. Mace Windu disease all over this one, no joke. I'm beginning to think Jackson just takes the paycheck and proceeds to troll audiences on camera because wow was this truly phoned in. And Scarlett was so dead on screen that I was actually turned off. I'll take Gwyneth walking away from me in in bare feet and jorts please? And huh? They all decided to band together after fighting just because some wormy middle-aged dork died that they admit ON SCREEN they knew nothing about? "He's like a cellist or something i dunno.." How is that cinematic motivation? Was he supposed to like represent the repressed comic book collectors around the world, who all have day jobs but are just dorks at heart? It's everyone's dream come true if all your heroes suddenly care about you... but only if you die after pretty lamely trying to be a hero yourself? Was that Whedon's message? fucking lol. I guess I can get behind that.

 

ughh should have just watched manos or laserblast. would have had much more fun with probably comparable levels of acting!

 

Why were you expecting brilliant acting/dialogue in a comic book movie about the Avengers? The agent guy who died I think was the main person who tied all of the comic book characters together aside from Samuel I guess. And they were already pretty much on board with achieving the main objective of stopping the bad guy. but were demotivated after their aircraft command ship got essentially fucked and things were looking pretty downhill. So I think the motivation for helping to stop the end of the world was handled a bit odd, to suggest they didn't have motivation to band together is inaccurate.

 

Main thing is, this is a popcorn movie, just like how some music is purely fun and not intellectual stimulating or original. If your expectations were expecting something different, that sucks... but I don't know how that could happen unless you are a huge fan of the comics and wanted the film to be what you imagined.

 

What is the best comic book movie in your opinion? If you say the Dark Knight or something that's cool, but I really can't agree that the "good dialogue or acting" is really behind any kind of interesting writing or characters... It just presents itself as something deeper than it actually is, just like Inception. Imo. And at least the Avengers was fun and made me kind of feel like a kid again because the action/cgi was done way better than similar films these days. At times it did feel like the comic books coming to life in someones head/matrix.

[Stock]

Yes, I agree that the SHIELD mega hotty was indeed hotter than Gwen or Scarlett.

 

 

Paltrow and Johansen can look insanely beautiful in certain particular conditions but in this movie she pwned them on cutey patooty mega sexy wanna marry that bitch status.

 

EDIT: I gotta disclaim that I'm a big fan of brunettes and I think Scarlett is pretty much a shitty actress (especially when she gets anywhere near a Marvel film).

 

I'm in love.

Tell me you DO recognize her !!!

 

[GORDO]

scarlett in the trailers does look very meh, but in iron man 2 she was just the most beautiful thing in the world.

 

anyway, thx dr. lopez.

[jhonny]

loved it! Of the other comic films I've seen I've never really been a fan, but this was great. Funny, exciting and paced really well. The major battles are really epic and the effects were brilliant. Loved the interaction between all the heroes too. Loads of plot holes, loose ends and unexplained stuff, but oh well, it's such a ride!

[Guest Blanket Fort Collapse]

Yes, I agree that the SHIELD mega hotty was indeed hotter than Gwen or Scarlett.

 

Paltrow and Johansen can look insanely beautiful in certain particular conditions but in this movie she pwned them on cutey patooty mega sexy wanna marry that bitch status.

 

EDIT: I gotta disclaim that I'm a big fan of brunettes and I think Scarlett is pretty much a shitty actress (especially when she gets anywhere near a Marvel film).

I'm in love.

Tell me you DO recognize her !!!

I've only seen a few episodes of that show but yeah I recognized her. I judge the beauty of females on their current context more than their past merits either way though because girls can sometimes lose their hotness magically. A lot of bitches seem to go in and out of being super saucy. The ladies that keep keep keep it up with the amazing sexaynass are the ones I put in teh spank bank to keep for the flank.

 

That was obnoxious, anyway, beautiful women are always as hot as their past and current resume.

 

*ONLY as hot as their past and CURRENT RESUME*

 

FUCK YOU, I'M DRUNK

 

Why was that even a post? Fucking pointless really. Bitch be hot whatever

[dr lopez]

wow this was a complete waste of an evening. Classes just ended, spring is in the air and no one on campus can shut the fuck up about this movie because both Whedon and Penn hail from these parts. Pathetic, pandering and plodding dialog, hilarious horn hats and the usual nondescript unestablished enemy armies that die easily were on the menu tonight. And what does the baddie even want? War? or is it the super specific and emotionally-taught concept of power? Yeah, yell in smarmy english to a bunch of wealthy germans at a gallery opening. Cause that makes sense. Oh wait, it was only to set up an incredibly pointless-throwaway line about Captain America fighting Germans? That's it? Really? So many movie-making fails in the first 45 minutes almost made me walk out. Luckily it was saved by the limited chemistry between Ruffalo and Downey jr. Yeah I know the smarmy cunty thing is played out at this point, but he should be commended for trying to make his character have a little more depth just his name and occupation. And props to Ruffalo who played Hulk as.... Mark Ruffalo who then becomes the Hulk. His shy-yet-still-attractive depressive persona actually pleasantly worked in this setting, certainly pulled it off better than Bana and Norton. None of this can be said at ALL for Sam Jackson and Scarlett. They should be ashamed. Mace Windu disease all over this one, no joke. I'm beginning to think Jackson just takes the paycheck and proceeds to troll audiences on camera because wow was this truly phoned in. And Scarlett was so dead on screen that I was actually turned off. I'll take Gwyneth walking away from me in in bare feet and jorts please? And huh? They all decided to band together after fighting just because some wormy middle-aged dork died that they admit ON SCREEN they knew nothing about? "He's like a cellist or something i dunno.." How is that cinematic motivation? Was he supposed to like represent the repressed comic book collectors around the world, who all have day jobs but are just dorks at heart? It's everyone's dream come true if all your heroes suddenly care about you... but only if you die after pretty lamely trying to be a hero yourself? Was that Whedon's message? fucking lol. I guess I can get behind that.

 

ughh should have just watched manos or laserblast. would have had much more fun with probably comparable levels of acting!

 

Why were you expecting brilliant acting/dialogue in a comic book movie about the Avengers? The agent guy who died I think was the main person who tied all of the comic book characters together aside from Samuel I guess. And they were already pretty much on board with achieving the main objective of stopping the bad guy. but were demotivated after their aircraft command ship got essentially fucked and things were looking pretty downhill. So I think the motivation for helping to stop the end of the world was handled a bit odd, to suggest they didn't have motivation to band together is inaccurate.

 

Main thing is, this is a popcorn movie, just like how some music is purely fun and not intellectual stimulating or original. If your expectations were expecting something different, that sucks... but I don't know how that could happen unless you are a huge fan of the comics and wanted the film to be what you imagined.

 

What is the best comic book movie in your opinion? If you say the Dark Knight or something that's cool, but I really can't agree that the "good dialogue or acting" is really behind any kind of interesting writing or characters... It just presents itself as something deeper than it actually is, just like Inception. Imo. And at least the Avengers was fun and made me kind of feel like a kid again because the action/cgi was done way better than similar films these days. At times it did feel like the comic books coming to life in someones head/matrix.

 

Yeah I know it's a popcorn movie, but that's always the totally lame excuse fans resort to when people fairly criticize a movie that's honestly been called "the best comic book movie ever" or "wow it's a really dark, impressive take on a familiar thing!" or "whedon/nolan have done a brilliant job resurrecting the series" or what have you. With those lines circulating for months, I guess I just trick myself into thinking "well maybe these guys are actually right, maybe it is a good film!" Then I always leave wondering if I've seen the same movie or not.

 

And to be fair I found Dark Knight/Inception FAR more offensive and aggravating than this film. Nolan's insistence on inserting bullshit "intellectual" ideas are really just sheep-in-wolves clothing tactics to make idiotic filmgoers feel like they're getting something a little bit "more" than then regular action film. And why someone would go to great aesthetic/marketing lengths to make the joker "gritty and dark" with sort of realistic prosthetics and makeup and then completely destroy the effect by having the other villain's face covered in perfect shiny CGI. Which is beside the point because the Dark Knight isn't important here, and while no where near as egregious, the Avengers is certainly no break from long line of disappointing comic film experiences confirming time and again that you really MUST have the fanboy/nostalgia somewhere otherwise you're up shit creek.

 

as for best comic book movie?

 

 

 

[Guest zaphod]

lol, akira is like the worst comic movie. it isn't even a fraction as good as the manga. you're just trolling now.

[syd syside]

Calling something a popcorn flick isn't an excuse... its a fact. Some popcorn is absolute shit like most comic book films these days or transformers/michael bay... This one takes the popcorn formula and makes something entertaining from it imo. Doesn't try and hide itself under phony intellectualism or blurry cgi sequences. Its very obvious and modest in that sense, which was refreshing. Maybe my expectations were too low going in.

[Guest Blanket Fort Collapse]

Fucking embarassing LOL at my malt liquor fueled rant about Avenger cunts. I'm an idiot.

 

(Not going to read anymore whining and babbling from miss lopez, the two sentences I read earlier from her saying THAT HER EVENING WAS TERRIBLY RUINED BY THIS ATROCIOUS MOVIE was already more cringe worthy than my drunkest of posts)((that's saying a lot folks. I'm biased though, I've been meaning to ignore miss lopez for a while now, I procrastination I will promptly resolve)

 

.... and now I have 2 peeps on my ignore list. Who's next? Do you feel lucky? Do you feel lucky punk?

[vamos scorcho]

wow this was a complete waste of an evening. Classes just ended, spring is in the air and no one on campus can shut the fuck up about this movie because both Whedon and Penn hail from these parts. Pathetic, pandering and plodding dialog, hilarious horn hats and the usual nondescript unestablished enemy armies that die easily were on the menu tonight. And what does the baddie even want? War? or is it the super specific and emotionally-taught concept of power? Yeah, yell in smarmy english to a bunch of wealthy germans at a gallery opening. Cause that makes sense. Oh wait, it was only to set up an incredibly pointless-throwaway line about Captain America fighting Germans? That's it? Really? So many movie-making fails in the first 45 minutes almost made me walk out. Luckily it was saved by the limited chemistry between Ruffalo and Downey jr. Yeah I know the smarmy cunty thing is played out at this point, but he should be commended for trying to make his character have a little more depth just his name and occupation. And props to Ruffalo who played Hulk as.... Mark Ruffalo who then becomes the Hulk. His shy-yet-still-attractive depressive persona actually pleasantly worked in this setting, certainly pulled it off better than Bana and Norton. None of this can be said at ALL for Sam Jackson and Scarlett. They should be ashamed. Mace Windu disease all over this one, no joke. I'm beginning to think Jackson just takes the paycheck and proceeds to troll audiences on camera because wow was this truly phoned in. And Scarlett was so dead on screen that I was actually turned off. I'll take Gwyneth walking away from me in in bare feet and jorts please? And huh? They all decided to band together after fighting just because some wormy middle-aged dork died that they admit ON SCREEN they knew nothing about? "He's like a cellist or something i dunno.." How is that cinematic motivation? Was he supposed to like represent the repressed comic book collectors around the world, who all have day jobs but are just dorks at heart? It's everyone's dream come true if all your heroes suddenly care about you... but only if you die after pretty lamely trying to be a hero yourself? Was that Whedon's message? fucking lol. I guess I can get behind that.

 

ughh should have just watched manos or laserblast. would have had much more fun with probably comparable levels of acting!

 

respect.

[vamos scorcho]

With a script that never forgets its heroes' humanity and no shortage of superpowered set pieces, The Avengers lives up to its hype -- and raises the bar for Marvel at the movies.

 

 

93%Popcorn film

 

 

It's a popcorn film. Get used to it. It's only the BEST COMIC BOOK MOVIE EVERR!!!! MARVEL HAS TAKEN IT TO THE NEXT LEVELL!!

 

I'm not Sinicaplypse, you know. But fuck, I can't stand this kind of hype and watching all these sheep celebrate something that really is objectively terrible. There should be a way to analyze a film script based on themes, vocabulary, in order to match it up to an IQ or reading comprehension level... and that should be attached to the film as a warning. Because honestly something at a low reading comprehension level shouldn't ever get 93% and be called a "classic of the genre" so that droves of IDIOTS go and chant about it in my ear.

This pile of shit will be forgotten within a year. It's not a classic, not a staple of the genre, it's garbage. Totally a microcosm of the shit-ass culture we've got going on here in 2012, braindead trance induced idiots without the ability to think critically. Film and art no longer mean anything to anybody, film is "popcorn" and nothing more, if it has 2 mildly entertaining lines that means its a 93%, that makes it a classic of the genre.

Fuck Spiderman 2.

 

Fuck Spiderman 1, for that matter

 

The AVNEGERS!!! IRON MAN!!! THESE ARE OUR CLASSICS. THANK YOU, EBERT!

 

this kind of trash makes Avatar look like 2001: a Space Odyssey

[vamos scorcho]

It's 'entertainment.' You know, 2 hours of explosions, sex, and wit. Minus the wit. And with loud blaring generic music to dull your brain. You don't like it? Well that's because it's entertainment, you know, with a capital E. What were you expecting? Were you not entertained?

 

 

 

"...for all their maverick swagger, the Avengers are dutiful corporate citizens, serving a conveniently vague set of principles. Are they serving private interests, big government, their own vanity, or what? It hardly matters, because the true guiding spirit of their movie is Loki, who promises to set the human race free from freedom and who can be counted on for a big show wherever he goes. In Germany he compels a crowd to kneel before him in mute, terrified awe, and “The Avengers,” which recently opened there to huge box office returns, expects a similarly submissive audience here at home. The price of entertainment is obedience."

[syd syside]

lol and I thought I was cynical.

 

Why would anyone pay to watch this movie if they weren't expecting a popcorn mindless movie... I just don't understand the thought process to leave a film like this so worked up and angry.