Guest appleneon8 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hey there. So I have been reading the forum for a few years now and have an issue i think you guys might have be able to help me with. It's not quite something I'd want to share with people in real life and I've read some good relationship advice here so here we go: I have been seeing this girl for about 3 months. We've spent a good amount of time together, talking, going out, having sex... She has grown on me more and more. We just came back from our first holiday together (2 weeks) and although we both feared that maybe we would get a bit bored of each other (at best) by the end, this did not happen at all, and it has actually brought us even closer, to the point where are very seriously talking about moving in a few months to a different country and living together. I am completely in love with her, and she makes me incredibly happy. We are also very compatible on my many levels, and have never gotten into a fight, even though we both have strong characters. All in all it's been an amazing few months for the both of us. Now here's the tricky part: Although I am in my late 20s, I have pretty much no previous experience of being in a relationship, or for that matter, being in love. Apart from some previous very short hookups, pretty much just about sex and nothing more, this is all very new to me and I lack comparison points or hindsight. So here is the question: is it possible that what is really exciting to me is that at last i get to have the "girlfriend experience", and so maybe i am deluding myself about the fact that I truly love this girl, whereas in fact it could be be more about the novelty of being with someone? Or... ...am I overanalyzing this and if i feel great with her that's all that matters? In other words, should I just trust my feelings? This question is really quite important because I know that if I were to break up with her at this stage it would hurt her a lot, but even more the longer I would wait. Appreciate any opinion.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braintree Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Honestly, with any relationship you have a "honey moon" phase where all you want to do is stare at each other and kiss all the time. This eventually fades. You should think about dating her for at least another three months before you run off to another country with her. Also, it's important not to get too excited. Do you like spending time with her because of her, or because you like having a girlfriend? Also, I'm shit at relationships. You should be getting this stuff from someone else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscillik Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 this will not end well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braintree Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Punch her in the nose, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscillik Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 whoami to give advice like this, but you asked, so i'd say if this is your first relationship, do not, under any circumstances, take it too seriously. play around, have sex and such. imho. 3 months is nothing. do not, i repeat, DO NOT, move into an apartment with that lady. you know, some women are totally like, oh yeah i really love you and then the next week they are bored and start fucking around. if you don't have the experience in dealing with such things, and when that happens, and you're still wearing the pink sunglasses at that point, it will break you. (but who knows? mebbe she's a real sweetheart and the best girl you'll ever find?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spratters Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sergeantk Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 sounds like at this point you are more infatuated with the idea of her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCM Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 i think it sounds lovely. go for it! trust your feelings - i have been i love a few times (am 35) and am now with pretty much the perfect girl for me - been together five years now and all has been good.... i was worried about the same things you were at the start of this relationship because my previous loves had gone wrong and broke my heart, but i just went with it and am extremely happy i did. don't listen t these jaded fucks.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luke viia Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Just be cautious. Moving to an entirely new country together seems pretty intense, not even sure if I would do that with good friends of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luke viia Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) And don't break up with her at this stage. I did that once - having almost identical sentiments to yours now - and it still stings to this day (7 years later!). God, I can hear her wailing in my head. Bad times. Never break up with someone you care about unless you are certain; the mistrust caused by flippant "maybe we shouldn't"-type breakups is hard to undo. Edited January 3, 2013 by luke viia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest appleneon8 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 @phling: I really do think that she is extremely loyal. Of course I could be proven wrong but it seems that unless I cheated on her or something, she would never break up with me. The ball is in my court so to speak. And yes, she is a real sweetheart, very kind and has never played games with me. I am quite certain I can give her my trust completely. @Braintree: i'm not normally very social and can only really spend time with people I really like. With her, time flies by so surely if I didn't really like her this wouldn't happen right? And also, although the sex is great, there are many times when I'm just happy spending time with her talking or walking around. I feel sex is just a bonus. That has to count too. I hear what are saying about the honeymoon phase though and I guess at no matter how strongly I feel, time is a good test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest appleneon8 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Bcm and luke: thanks for bringing some balance... I guess what I should do is continue to take this relationship as far as it can go, while still trying to keep an objective point of view, so that for example I dont overlook aspects of her that would later become a problem once the "honeymoon" is over... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest happycase Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) You've tested the water, you like the temperature, it's too deep to know if there are any primitive beasts lurking below. You may as well dive in. If you lose a leg, welcome to humanity. If it works out, congratulations. Just be flexible with the whole thing. Travel some more together before making legal commitments. Too often, people are afraid they will lose the things they love if they don't cling to them. That's a load of shit. Just be on equal footing, two creatures mingling and sharing the rich depth of human experience together. And most importantly, do what you want to do. YOLO, niggzh Edit: ^^ Also, there's nothing wrong with overlooking her problems. No need for perfectionism, you're dealing with a human being. Edited January 3, 2013 by happycase Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) *Edit* Oops. See below Edited January 3, 2013 by jefferoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J3FF3R00 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) People are people. Everyone is different. It could be the right move to just go with your impulses. You never know. one of my first dates with my now-wife was apartment hunting for her. That day she playfully entertained the thought of us moving into a gorgeous 1bedroom in the West Village together. It was a nice thought at the time, but both of us knew to hold off and give way to reason. About 6 months in, things got really complicated and we almost broke up. We got past it though. We moved in together after dating for a year. Now, 10-11 years later, we've been married for over 2 years. I'm just giving you some perspective. Who knows what the best move is. She sounds like a really special girl. I advise to not analyze everything and to enjoy what you have. At the same time, you are in no rush. Unless, you are. In which case, maybe give it a shot. It's a big world, but it's also really hard to find someone that is a great match, as she sounds to be. Bottom line, life is short. There's nothing wrong with loving someone with all you have. But it's best to keep your wits. What do your friends/family think of this girl? Ive found, in the past, if your friends and family approve, you're on the right track. Edited January 3, 2013 by jefferoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adieu Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Dude, you are in your late twenties. If you can't trust your instincts at this point then you've wasted 20+ years living. If you love her go for it. Life is wayyyyy too short to be cautious about happiness. Even if it ends poorly it would have been much better to spend the time with her you enjoyed than not ever have that time together at all. Oh fucking well if it doesn't work out. Then you move back to your country and start over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rubin Farr Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 listen to your penis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
logakght Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 do you really, really, reeaaaally love her? like, she's your soulmate, the mana of your own life's magic essence? if yes, then dont worry about anything. also, memento mori bro, really memento mori yo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goiter Sanchez Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Put it in her pooper. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpenprol Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 good advice and lols in here. just take step-by-step, don't leap from "been together for 3 months" to "living together overseas" (wtf?). Unless you are a viking/pirate and not a sissy IDM boy. Date fer awhile. Then move in together. Then get a pet. Then get married. Then babby. It sounds promising though! My bro got married to his first gf and they've been happily married for years (seemingly). So it's not required to go through multiple painful breakups, get a tougher hide, etc. It is possible for certain types to be ready for love, and find love, quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glunk Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 i think it takes longer than 3 months to truly love someone, but heck, who knows? a lot of couples also break up after moving in together. i know that the "passion phase" of a relationship peters out after about 2 years. it's scientific. a lot of relationships end after that point but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. still, if the passion is accompanied by great companionship, i think it could stand the test of time. and sometimes you just gotta take a leap of faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshuatxuk Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 luke and jeffero know what's up and I agree with Glunk, moving in together is a big test - same with intimacy too, especially in the long-run. and to be more specific, the passion phase of 2 years is more like "going from fucking like bunnies to mellowed out companionship with passion at choice times, but fewer and further between" but it's not any less worthwhile, just different. It always baffles me that so many people get married with religious and social pressure without either living together or having sex - it can work out but it also leads to many troubled marriages. I hope it becomes less prevalent over time...anyway I digress There's no real definitive "must" to any relationship I suppose, but communication is a huge one. I'm happy things are swell, but if tough times and fights occur (they do with even the strongest of relationships) talk about them, listen to each other, figure out why it occurred in the first place. do you really, really, reeaaaally love her? like, she's your soulmate, the mana of your own life's magic essence? if yes, then dont worry about anything. also, memento mori bro, really memento mori yo That's some heavy shit right there, but seriously love can feel like that. Much like jeffero and his lady, my wife and I have know each other for years, 8+ actually, 7 of which were were actually together/going steady and now married 2 years. We were best friends before we knew we were in true love, and it's had some fights and rough spells early on, not to mention even some difficult times with my own family (since worked out :D) Things have never been better. A good relationship is one that ensures you both grow as individuals. I know sometimes "opposites attract" but seriously it is important to have a pretty decent venn diagram of common values and interests imo. I dunno, I have seen some couples, married or just long-term, become too one-sided or even flat-out unfair, and that's not ideal. Or they get into those stereotypical funks so common in American pop culture (regrettably) were somehow the dude just sits around watching football with his bros and the dudette goes out and shops with her gurls. Fuck that shit. Regardless of how this relationship goes, be positive and trust your feelings. You'll know if it's meant to be forever or just a period of your life spent with that particular person. It varies - people are different and likewise the type of relationships that are ideal for them vary too. Best wishes man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jules Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 trust your gut. but I'd say this, if you do move in, make sure you are renting. buying something together could be very complicated if things don't work out. and if things do work out, and you get married...dont crush on a woman you work with 12 years from now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candiru Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Challenge her to a scone baking contest and if she wins, (don't just let her win) then marry the shit out of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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