Post terrible idea for films

[iococoi]

hot shit right there!

 

Naaahh, these days it's all about CGI.

[peace 7]

Patient Fhjdoia Fahjie0

 

It is 1996, it is Northern Ireland, one man DJAjdhsjkah dhjkao oieuyr.

 

Bill Smithh, the first gay coal mine AKDJdjhsgf agshjud kghsakj dghskj aghdj ksgahjkd ghjksgsjks hgsjk sghsk jgshksj gskj sj hkgahjkaghsjk ;dkheuhfb bhej bhfkj bhjks behj bhfjk beshjk bfhejhbjkfbhjekbhjkbefhejk fbhjkfbhjfkb fhjkb fh jkbhjfsoiuhois. He treis to eh jkl hejkllslkjhjj jjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jj j j jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj but hhhhhhhhhhh gggggg jjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjj j jj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. Only he can jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj.

 

He empties all the shit out of the crisp packet and they all die the end

Pretty next-level~

[patternoverlap]

National Lampoons' Strokin' Out in the Frat House

 

An elderly retired man enlists the help of a top notch hollywood effects artist to make him look young so that he can infiltrate the ranks of a local college frat house. Things go well for a few weeks and he's fully enjoying the full benefits of living in such a house when things take a turn for the worse. In the middle of a massive kegger, while he is in the throws of passion with a young lady, the man finds himself in the midst of a massive stroke. He helplessly flails as his body and mind begin to fail him. At this point the film switches to a first person perspective and the viewer experiences what can only be described as an Animal House meets Enter the Void sequence of nightmarish helplessness as he wanders through the party trying to find help and is repeatedly mocked and laughed at.

[Candiru]

12 Years a Leprechaun

 

A "little man" goes out drinking on St. Patrick's Day and due to his short stature, gets wasted really fast and blacks out. He wakes up in a circus clown's living room surrounded by chocolate gold coins and boxes of Lucky Charms cereal. The clown is mentally deranged and performs misguided experiments on the little man to get him to start using magical powers. After 4,279 attempts and abysmal failure, an FBI agent played by Ice-T busts in and saves him, but the little man NEVER forgets. His bloodthirsty vengeance against all clowns begins a reign of terror the likes of which his small town of Yokelsburg, Iowa has never seen.

 

The film will sweep the oscars and become canonized for its stunning cultural critique. 

[Centurix]

All the President's Women

 

The President of the United States buys a brothel on the border of Texas and Mexico, the head mistress is played by Dolly Parton and the president is played by Burt Reynolds in a Cheetoh costume who drives a Trans Am back and forth across the border. There's a national shortage of Cheetoh's in Mexico and a trade restriction put in place by the previous administration so Dolly and her Kittens smuggle Cheetohs past the custom points by cramming them into every orifice and then distracting the custom officers by dressing in extremely revealing and bordering on pornographic outfits. They keep an orangutan in the trunk of the car which they keep around for comedic effect but in the third act the animal is used as a key point in rescuing the Kittens as they are brutally beaten by the Mexican Cheetoh Cartel.

 

The film will be directed and scrupulously narrated by Werner Herzog who makes a cameo as a Cheetoh sales person.

[keanu reeves]

a clean break

 

this is marketed as an oscar contender, with a poster cast in golden hues and a shot of the lead actor (a very fat russell crowe) looking down pensively with "four stars" in quotes up and down the poster from every critic imaginable. maybe a child and woman under a tree in silhouette somewhere off in the background. the entire film takes place inside the bathroom of a chipotle, with crowe, having suffered unimaginable loss, his son killed in a car accident, his wife gone from cancer, crying in a stall while he takes a two hour shit. very obnoxious diarrhea effects fill the soundtrack as crowe pleads with an absent god. patrons come and go and offer him consolation through the door of the stall. friends are made and lost. eventually the time comes to wipe. crowe pulls a clean, white piece of toilet paper away from his ass. he looks into the swirling water of the toilet as it flushes, his dead wife and son superimposed over it, waving goodbye as they recede away. "i'm free" he says. sigur ros - "glosoli" ends the film as crowe buys burrito bowls for the entire store.

Edited February 23, 2017 by keanu reeves

[dr lopez]

he leaves the bathroom strutting the are you not entertained stance 

[keanu reeves]

Ocean's 9/11

 

George Clooney and his crew have one last job - crash the world's financial systems by destroying the world trade center. But their plan goes wrong when two planes - and the us government - get in the way.

[Candiru]

The Shark Knight

 

A cannabalistic billionaire in a very non-flexible shark suit can't decide whether he wants to save people or eat them. So he does both, in that order. His Gatling gun is state of the art, if only he was mobile enough to use it. He's arrested within the first 20 minutes and spends the rest of the film in custody eating sardines before he answers any questions. In prison he only reads books about Atlantic salmon and gets Jesus fish tattoos all over his whole body. In the last 5 minutes, he gets shot by a prison guard played by a CGI Roy Schieder.

[MadameChaos]

The President, a decidedly unfunny 80s comedy in which a dumb fat millionaire con man gets to "run" the united states, signing documents he doesn't comprehend, being manipulated and puppeteered by an evil Nazi shadow organisation ala Hydra. It ends with the President nuking himself and the rest of the USA by mistake.

I feel like I've seen this...

 

I can I can't

[ignatius]

a documentary about new age ambient music. 

[keanu reeves]

la la land starring kenny g in the ryan gosling role. hustle and flow but it's about drone music. fame but it takes place in an esports training camp. 

[auxien]

Goose

 

Documentary-style horror film about lots of goose who get out of a farm and start to stalk various members of their small town. The locals join together and almost have them under control, but are thwarted by a goose-shit eating old man who loses his mind because of the chemicals they were bred to create when ingested are the most powerful man made drug that was about to be unleashed by the government to control the poor.

 

Gore-fest featuring lots of violent scenes of goose/human mutilation and copious amounts of the old man and his teenage followers ingesting goose shit.

[ignatius]

Goose

 

Documentary-style horror film about lots of goose who get out of a farm and start to stalk various members of their small town. The locals join together and almost have them under control, but are thwarted by a goose-shit eating old man who loses his mind because of the chemicals they were bred to create when ingested are the most powerful man made drug that was about to be unleashed by the government to control the poor.

 

Gore-fest featuring lots of violent scenes of goose/human mutilation and copious amounts of the old man and his teenage followers ingesting goose shit.

 

 

there has to be a role for Goose from topgun here somewhere... 

 

[usagi]

 

Goose

 

Documentary-style horror film about lots of goose who get out of a farm and start to stalk various members of their small town. The locals join together and almost have them under control, but are thwarted by a goose-shit eating old man who loses his mind because of the chemicals they were bred to create when ingested are the most powerful man made drug that was about to be unleashed by the government to control the poor.

 

Gore-fest featuring lots of violent scenes of goose/human mutilation and copious amounts of the old man and his teenage followers ingesting goose shit.

 

 

there has to be a role for Goose from Mad Max here somewhere... 

 

 

[keanu reeves]

an adaptation of blood meridian, very good pedigree, a pta type directing, roger deakins shot, high production value, mccarthy's prose and ear for dialogue captured perfectly in the script, the tone is apocalyptic and horrifying, just the right amount of gore, all of the major set pieces intact, shot entirely on location on the mexican border, themes intact and relevant as ever, british theater veterans in all the roles, everything on point, except the judge is played by a teenager with down syndrome.

[dr lopez]

lol sounds like verhoeven

[usagi]

an adaptation of blood meridian, very good pedigree, a pta type directing, roger deakins shot, high production value, mccarthy's prose and ear for dialogue captured perfectly in the script, the tone is apocalyptic and horrifying, just the right amount of gore, all of the major set pieces intact, shot entirely on location on the mexican border, themes intact and relevant as ever, british theater veterans in all the roles, everything on point, except the judge is played by a teenager with down syndrome.

 

baraka_silent_scream.webm

[keanu reeves]

Man at Taco Bell drive thru (enraged) : what do you mean you discontinued the Bell Beefer?

 

Two hour AR-15 shootout ensues

[Braintree]

Infinite Adversary

 

A mild mannered pair of white jeans meets its match when spaghetti with red sauce is introduced to the dinner group.

[Braintree]

Dinner's On Me!

 

Captain Rutabaga of the SS Chowderbowl collides with a stray asteroid when delivering a shipment to starving children. He and his ragtag crew will need to act fast to prevent the entire planet from being covered in gravy.

[Braintree]

Tree for Two

 

Two alcoholic botanists inherit a nursery and are sent to jail after overwatering the babies.

[Braintree]

Club Foot

 

Romance, betrayal, and murder intertwine in this thriller that takes place in the infamous dance club for the disabled - Club Foot.

Edited April 24, 2017 by Braintree

[BCM]

:|

[keanu reeves]

minority report reboot where orgasms are illegal. opens with tom cruise frantically trying to figure out the location of a guy jacking off to hentai. "it's a basement. i don't think it's his. it's his mom's." a title card tells us this is the department of precum.