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Bracelets That Magically Make You Healthy & the Retards That Buy Them

Guest we_kill_soapscum

By Guest we_kill_soapscum
in General Banter

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Guest we_kill_soapscum

Guest we_kill_soapscum

Posted
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my co-worker yesterday was talking about a bracelet that her BF gave her. it has two "holograms" that "produce ions" and "send them into your body". this, of course, "attracts all the free radicals" because they are "negatively charged" and, obviously, the ions produced by the holograms are not.

 

so her boyfriend comes in today and my boss mentions he has a magical magnet health bracelet too.

 

"oh no. that doesn't work as well", the bf says. "mine was developed by a russian nuclear physicist. yours was developed by his brother who got greedy and rushed them to market. if we do The Test you'll see mine works and yours doesn't because its a cheap knockoff".

 

btw my co-worker did The Test (trying to push you over wearing the bracelet, or something) on a VERY VERY willing subject and it failed completely.

 

and also btw the company that makes these bracelets called Body Balance has ceased production of them, so they must work.

 

 

 

i know its very American to think that just doing X or Y will solve a problem that requires constant vigilance, but jesus this makes me angry. these are first-world educated college graduates. AND HOW THE FUCK DOES A HOLOGRAPH PRODUCE IONS.

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Guest we_kill_soapscum

Guest we_kill_soapscum

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AND HOW THE FUCK DOES A HOLOGRAPH PRODUCE IONS.

 

Like this brah.

 

6646771-0-large.jpg

 

oh shit i was fat and had cancer and was a paedo until i saw that image and it projected holographic ions into my frontal lobe and now i only fuck milfs and i'm super svelte.

 

also my co-worker "wore my bracelet during a volleyball game and i wasn't out of breath the entire time, so it must work"

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chenGOD Grand Master

chenGOD

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also my co-worker "wore my bracelet during a volleyball game and i wasn't out of breath the entire time, so it must work"

 

fucking lol (ragelol)

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Guest Sprigg

Guest Sprigg

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These are such shit. One of my friends, whom I've never credited with more than five or six brain cells, did the 'push-me-over test' and it 'worked.' I told the guy at the mall who was selling them that it's a load of shit and he's either fooled or full of it. He does 'the test' on me, and when he pushed on me while wearing the bracelet, he hardly used any pressure at all (I'm very, very small and it doesn't take much to push me over, but he used less than when I wasn't wearing it). My friend shelled out $30 for one and walked away claiming he felt more 'balanced' and 'energetic.'

 

Marketing and placebo at their best.

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baph Grand Master

baph

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Cross-row-case-005.jpg

 

she's deliberately making that shadow in that formation as a covert symbol of the Cross of Lorraine. She's clearly a modern Templar, a protector of the Merovingian Bloodline in which flows the sangraal, the blood of Christ.

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Guest couch

Guest couch

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AND HOW THE FUCK DOES A HOLOGRAPH PRODUCE IONS.

 

Like this brah.

 

6646771-0-large.jpg

Dude that totally makes sense I'm going to the mall to get one now.
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Guest KY

Guest KY

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"oh no. that doesn't work as well", the bf says. "mine was developed by a russian nuclear physicist. yours was developed by his brother who got greedy and rushed them to market. if we do The Test you'll see mine works and yours doesn't because its a cheap knockoff".

4y6u6.gif

mfw i find out magnetic bracelet creators have a dramatic backstory

 

edit: but yes, I don't know why people are stupid. We all understand what science and medicine are. For people to turn a blind eye to those fields of study and buy some shit on tv because we apparently have negative ions that need to be removed makes me make this face instead

av-137.jpg

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baph Grand Master

baph

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A couple of friends of my girlfriend hadn't seen her in a few years, and out of the blue invited her over to their house. She was excited. When she got there, they basically locked her in and forced her to watch a lecture on the Clinically Proven Alkaline Ionized Water Miracle Cure for Everything and gave her handouts on super expensive Alkaline Ionized Water Miracle Kits (which they were selling, although they told her they could show her how to start selling them too!). Then they gave her a glass of wine and small talk for 20 minutes before saying they had to go to bed. They are French1, so I assume all of this took place with hilarious accents.

 

 

 

 

1Possible Merovingians, must investigate further.

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