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Aphex Twin "Syro" - Alcofribas review

Alcofribas

By Alcofribas
in Aphex Twin

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Alcofribas Grand Master

Alcofribas

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as some of you may know it's been a while since i've put out an alco review. that doesn't mean i haven't been making them, on the contrary i've got thousands of reviews that i do just for me or share with my mates. sometimes i just give a friend a zip disk with a bunch of reviews on it and once luke vibert was over and when i left the room he copied a bunch of my reviews to dat, the cheeky bastard. but after so long of just writing reviews and having them all over i feel like it's time to draw a number of them together and be done with an era so i can move on to the next thing. so i've decided to release a new one called "aphex twin syro alcofribas review." i have two daughters one of which is my son also. i kinda hate the public gaze too which has held me back from putting this out but i've found the various calls of "aclo review pls" on this forum really touching. it feels good to put out old reviews like this so i can focus on my new reviews which are all done with robots. even though "syro" just came out i've had the record for ages. all the warp guys send me their stuff and ask me to review it. i think it's bc they're all quite vain. they might take this rob brown "oh we're not trying to be innovative we just do what sounds lovely" approach but in reality they're fucking ego-maniacs. you should see how much that guy spends on getting his north face jackets tailored ffs. and i can't tell you how many nights tom jenkinson wastes getting drunk and watching himself do super-fast bass licks in the mirror. and the bass isn't even plugged in lol fuck. they're always like "alco, fucking review this mate. is it lush?"

 

so anyway...

 

 

1. "tiny pops (field remix)" this track starts off with silence. in fact, the whole track appears to be silence. quite aggravating imo. i keep staring at the time expecting a sound any second but nothing. it's ok richard is such a goddamn prankster so i know i have to play it cool and go with it.

 

2. "Christmas" this shit is also completely silent wtf. i turn it up to see if maybe there's a hidden melody or richard's face in the spectral or something when i realize i've had my ipad on mute the whole time. i turn it up. all kinds of shit is going on now. absolutely mental.

 

3. "product" i was interrupted for a lot of this track by a call from my video store alerting me to some newly acquired discs i had ordered and the call took a bit long as i needed them to inspect the discs as closely as possible to assure me there were no marks or blemishes of any kind. i simply won't tolerate such disfigurements as an aesthetic principle. i collect art house films and european masterworks, the kind that make the criterion collection look like disney fluff. i believe that having a perfectly reflective disc with no scratches is itself symbolic of the art of film which is nothing if not a mirror in which the viewer may perchance gaze upon herself through the peculiar material body of the art piece, as though through a glass darkly. in some respects the three vinyl discs of aphex twin's "syro" serve a similar function albeit one shrouded in darkness, as though through wax. darkly. likewise i find the unformed vinyl clumps depicted on the labels do verily invoke the prima materia, the very massa confusa from which we as persons are formed, the formless unconscious out of which our conscious personalities arise. and the music that transforms from the material contact of needle in the groove is indeed representative of the spiritual transformation undergone in the musical experience itself. in so far as these lachrymose quiddities developed in tandem with this track i feel it is incumbent upon me to be obliged to confess the track is "quite good." [this was ghost-written by tinymixtapes]

 

4. "numbers and shit" this one is quite suspenseful. there's a guy running around through this abandoned building getting chased by some mad man who looks kinda like an albino. it's raining fucking everywhere. madman punches a goddamn hole in the wall and somehow he's like using some intercom so his voice can be heard no matter where the other guy goes. anyway at one point dude falls off the roof and barely catches himself on some ledge and he's just dangling there helplessly and albino guy comes up and you're just like "he's finished" but then the albino helps him up and delivers this mental fucking monologue where you're just like "wot?" but it seems profound as fuck and you can't help but be moved. he's all like "i've seen things" and you're like "fuck me i bet." yeah. btw i'm watching blade runner as i listen to this record, kinda distracting but how idm is blade runner right?

 

5. "98 degrees" this one is quite fast with lots of poly-rhythms, 16th notes, even 32 notes, rolls, fills, flams and some rushes of both kick and snare and even a pad rush. additionally, a room reverb rush. not sure how that's even possible but it's both exhilarating and emotional at the same time. just as you feel like you can't take how fast everything is, you can. excellent effect.

 

6. "circular" so at first this is just a standard afx tune with like a rolandy drum beat going and then some playful melody going over the top and then the pads come in and you're crying. but then everything goes out of synch, like completely and you're like "come on, i can't deal with this, quantize this shit richard." and then bam! it's back in synch perfectly. i couldn't help but this was a prescient symbol of the scotland thing i read about the other day on aol.

 

7. "Tim stretch" this one is more atmospheric and ambient. i think it is chillbient. thus it is a nod to dj spooky aka dat sublimal kid aka professor of marcel duchamp post prostitution is the oldest profession flip the dip it's in the matrix bro. at one point richard uses a really innovative effect where it sounds like he dropped a phaser down a well and recorded it in reverse. i don't mean he recorded it and then reversed it but like he actually recorded it in reverse which i believe means he's used some type of time-travel shit which is pretty new afaik in terms of technology. i'll prob check gizmodo after this though just to be sure.

 

8. "circular" is one of those tracks that's obviously shite but you like it just bc it's aphex and you want to be able to be like "this is me" when idiot plebs don't understand the track.

 

9. "syro" this one has richard's wife on vocals. very ethereal. angelic. as far as i can tell her lyrics are: "blah blah blah...cooking...blah...women's work....blah blah blah...i want to talk...blah... feelings....blah" and so on. amirite?

 

10. "Joyrex4" my wife and child wish to write something:

 

"daddy i love you. i got A at school. my teacher is very nic. for christmas please i want iphone 6." god i'm fucking proud of him and he is so fucking interesting. he programmed that shit in fruity loops. i mean, he has his own livejournal and everything. the kid is mental. it's so fucking cool to talk about you're kids. the other day he was a cyborg and i was just like "god, every one recognizes me everywhere i go."

 

11. "emu emax" this one was obviously done using a 909mod to make it sound exactly like a synthi 100. i had to call jack dangers so he could confirm this was not an actual synthi. he confirmed. not totally sure what was confirmed as he was high as fuck. this is one of the tracks done with the robot drummer so the drums are like very fast, like way beyond what a human can do. microdetails. so micro there's a rush rush. very mental.

 

12. "anastasio" this is also known as the "metz track" also the "manchester track" and i think also "melodies from mars." it's the one where richard swung a midi keyboard from the rafters at a barbeque or something. it's written by dopplereffekt i think but it's a cover of pendercki or maybe gorecki. tbh those are the only "eckis" i could think of atm. it's basically just one of those melancholy eric satie ripoffs from "drugs". it's evidently meant to be an eulogy for trey anastasio from that band the grateful dead. i'm not exactly familiar with them but i understand they tour around playing 12 hour jam sessions and people take acid and there are "dead bears" and shit which is probably where richard got the idea for those donkey rubbharb bear thingies. pretty good ending i suppose. very emotional as solo piano is meant to be these days.

 

over all it's pretty good. i can't tell if this is analord or not though bc I only listened to those once before I threw them out bc i had to use the binder for class.

 

sincerely,

Alcofribas

 

xuPzE7D.jpg

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Herr Jan Grand Master

Herr Jan

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I'd say your review isn't as mindblowing or innovative as your previous reviews, but I'd say it's a perfect demonstration of your capabilities and is absolutely top notch. Still at the top of the reviewing scene. It does read better from a big screen than from a small phone through Tapatalk, but I'll read this a couple of more times on different screens to see how good it holds up.

Can't wait how the bonus track review will turn out, is that already available? There's not even a preview of that yet!

(People, please do not ask about illegal channels of obtaining Alco's reviews)

For reals, many IRL LOLS were had. Best review yet, thanks Alco!

 

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Alcofribas Grand Master

Alcofribas

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I'd say your review isn't as mindblowing or innovative as your previous reviews, but I'd say it's a perfect demonstration of your capabilities and is absolutely top notch. Still at the top of the reviewing scene. It does read better from a big screen than from a small phone through Tapatalk, but I'll read this a couple of more times on different screens to see how good it holds up.

Can't wait how the bonus track review will turn out, is that already available? There's not even a preview of that yet!

(People, please do not ask about illegal channels of obtaining Alco's reviews)

 

For reals, many IRL LOLS were had. Best review yet, thanks Alco!

 

lol

 

i'm writing a japanese bonus review. will return in several years after I learn japanese.

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Guest Atom Dowry Firth

Guest Atom Dowry Firth

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Yes definitely not as innovative as some of your other reviews imo. I'd say it reminds me of your Exai review quite a lot but ++ although it actually also wasn't as good because it's written a bit messier and the noise floor is much more pronounced. The rhythms are very similar. It was quite difficult on the eyes trying to read it with glasses on so I decided to read it with sunglasses on instead and then it really came alive and started dancing around the room.

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auxien Grand Master

auxien

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I can't believe I waited 13 years for this fucking review. Fucking bloody bollocks what a cuntrush.

 

EDIT: It's no Tuss review that's ffs sure. Someone get the waveform of this review so we can analyze its shitty production values and talk shit about our hero alco

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Perezvon Mentor

Perezvon

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I can't believe I waited 13 years for this fucking review. Fucking bloody bollocks what a cuntrush.

 

EDIT: It's no Tuss review that's ffs sure. Someone get the waveform of this review so we can analyze its shitty production values and talk shit about our hero alco

Looking at it right now and oh boy it's completely square, no wonder why I can't avoid screaming while reading it since it's mastered so loud.

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MisterE Grand Master

MisterE

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review is pretty self indulgent, like ufabalum and some other things

 

the mastering was ass too, just 'look at the waveform'

 

not groundbreaking, not new, not drukqs, not antony fantazmo, not memorable

3/10

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